𝐋𝐈𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄 | Spencer Reid

Chapter 20 - Nepenthe

You turned the knob of your door, "Derek I told you I'm fine-," you stopped your sentence when you saw who it was. Spencer's tall figure towered over you as he stood at the door frame, his eyes had a pleading look in them begging you not to slam it in his face.

"Oh, Spence..."

"Can I come in?" he said as he inched forward already making his way in.

Don't have much of a choice now do we. He shut the door behind him, it automatically locking as you took a few steps back. You stood there scowling at him as he watched you, not knowing what your next moves were going to be, the tension suffocating both of you.

"Y/N why are you being like this? If it was something I did please just talk to me," he broke the silence.

"The fact that you don't know is the problem."

He brought his hands out in front of him, flipping his palms over, "Well if you don't communicate with me I'm obviously going to be confused. Was it that night at my place, you seemed to enjoy it but if you had any regrets or second thoughts you could tell me and we'll never do that again."

"Reid it's not about the damn handcuffs! You know for an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187 you sure are a damn idiot." he sighed at your remark like he was out of ideas.

"That night when we got back from that case in LA, do you remember a possibly significant conversation you had with Morgan in the roundtable room?" you spat, crossing your arms.

He paused for a moment before cursing himself under his breath, "Fuck, you heard that..." his jaw twitched as he tried to figure out what to say next.

"Yeah, I did!" your voice got higher out of frustration.

"Why were you eavesdropping on our conversation in the first place?"

You scoffed, "Would it better if I hadn't?! Oh wait, it would for you because you could continue playing me and I'd be oblivious to it." You recounted what went down that day, "If you must know I ran to the bakery because you seemed to be having a bad day and I wanted to surprise you with your favorite chocolate sprinkle donut. I overheard you as I was going to give it to you."

Guilt washed over his face, "Y/N I can explain-"

"No, no you can't!" you snapped. "There's no excuse for how you talked about me back there. Do you know what pisses me off the most Spencer? The fact that all this time you remembered exactly what you said, and you still played dumb as to why I didn't want anything to do with you this past week."

"Y/N-"

"The fact that you've assured me multiple times that you weren't using me for sex. We were friends before all of this Spencer, was that nothing to you too?"

"If you just-"

Your throat stung from choking back tears mixed with screaming. "I OPENED UP TO YOU ABOUT MY STEPFATHER SITUATION HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?!"

"I'M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU Y/N!" he shouted, his confession sharply sending the room into a pit of silence.

"W-what?" you barely whispered.

His red face began to soften, "I tried so hard not to fall for you, but I did."

"But what you said at the office-"

"I said all of that bullshit to try and convince myself that I wasn't in love with you. Morgan was catching on and if other people knew, it made it real and I didn't want it to be. I didn't mean a single word of what I said Y/N, I used the harshest words possible to convince Morgan that I didn't feel this way for you but he clearly didn't buy it," his face searched yours, hoping that you believed him.

"Why? Why don't you want to be in love with me?"

"Because every time I've ever been in love it turned into a shit show. My first girlfriend was murdered right in front of my eyes. I had to force myself to fake love a psychopath hitwoman, leaving me sick to my stomach at the thought of being with a woman for ages. I just- I can't get hurt again, it would push me over the edge."

Cat Adams. You remembered her.

"I accepted it when you began ignoring me, it made me realize how much I couldn't live without you. Y/N I would never use you, and I'm so sorry my words made you feel that way," he inched towards you hesitantly.

Both of your eyes began to shimmer with tears. "Spence you have nothing to be afraid of, I will always be here. You could've talked to me about this."

"I'm sorry," his voice broke.

You brought your hands up to his face, now wet with tears, and brushed your thumb across his cheek. "I love you too Spence, so much, you have no idea."

"God, I missed you so fucking much," his pupils dilated. "What about blondie?"

You giggled, "Tristan? He's great but he's not you. I want Spencer Reid, and no one else."

"Good because I wanted to kill him," he let out a breathy laugh.

Gently pulling him in, your breath fanned across each other faces as you both enjoyed the intimate feeling of being in each others' presence. Any of you could've shut the gap in between you but you needed to feel that you had each other, that you weren't going anywhere.

You stood there, eyes blazing with desire and passion.

Once your lips connected it was as if everything was right. You were blinded of your surroundings. Everything had morphed into a mosaic except the wonder that was standing in front of you. The world had subsided to give you this one moment, it knew you needed this.

The kiss slowly grew, but not with the same hunger as your other ones. His fingers ran down your spine, pulling you into him until there was no space left, until your heartbeats recognized each other and synchronized. You didn't dare let each other go.

You and Spencer Reid were made for each other. You were each others' Nepenthe.