Barely floating

Chapter 7: The Last String

Regina's POV: Every time I try to rise up and bring my head above the water, another wave crashes against me pushing me deeper into it however the waves don't know that I have a  rope tied to the shore now so no matter how much they try to drown me one day, I will rise up.

Raising Angie in this world would never be easy, I know that better than anyone, I was raised without a father as well but neither was bringing her to this world easy and if I am capable of doing that without Angie's father being around, I can surely do the rest of it by myself as well.

I know I can and I have my mother and daughter by my side which is enough for me, however I just wish that everyone else could just not be against me, they don't need to make my path easier but is making it harder truly necessary?

I know I have always enjoyed being the center of everyone's attention but those days have long gone and now, I would rather be seen as if I don't exist than getting those eyes of judgement and hatred falling over me every where I go but the looks which stings the worst are the ones given by people who once were you own and that's the actual moment I always wish with every breathe that I didn't exist......... Edward.

It was my freshman year in Liberty Highs when I had first seen him. 

Edward was two years ahead of me, everyone loved him and how could they not? He was the most charming  guy in the whole school, with his perfect blonde hair, indigo eyes and a flirtatious smile which would melt anyone's heart, girls felt over his looks and manners left and right, he was gorgeous and he knew how to utilize that to it's full potential, I was the new girl from another middle school who was desperate to get as much attention as possible, get invited to every party ever, do wild hookups and get drunk until I forget what my own name was.

So when the hottest and most popular guy in the whole school invites you to his party, it would have been a crime to say no.

I did what I had always dreamed of doing, I did go to all those parties, I did hookup with every popular guy I could get and I did get drunk to the point where I forgot what I did yesterday and also what might happen tomorrow. 

And by now, you have probably guessed it, I got pregnant at the age of sixteen with a guy I had dated for hardly two months, Edward Hanson.

I can't help but laugh at how powerless I feel when it comes to Edward and my emotions towards him, I mean I can not hate him as even if I don't want to acknowledge it, it's true that Edward is one of the reasons for which now I have the one person I love the most, my Angie in my life but I don't love Edward, I never did and after the way he threw me out of his life when I told him that I was pregnant with Angie I never can.

So what should I feel for him?

I don't blame him for my pregnancy because even if it's true that Angie is the one who has saved me from myself and I can never love anyone more than I love her, it's also true that now because of this neither me nor Angie can ever have a normal life and I can't deny that but I have never blamed Edward for that and I never will. 

I am completely fine with his decision of not wanting to be a part of Angie's life as he has said that he is not ready and I understand and respect him for his honesty, I am not gonna lie I wasn't okay with his decision at the beginning because I believed that he had cheated on me by putting all the responsibilities of having a child on my shoulder alone where he could get to live his life just like any other teenager could but then my mother said something which sticks with me to this day, she said, "A father becomes a father only after the child is born but a mother is a mother since the very moment she can feel her child within her." 

Edward gave me Angie and I am indebted to him for that but that doesn't give him the right to take Angie from me, Angie is my daughter and no one on this planet has the right to take her from me and that is a battle I would never quit because it's for my daughter.

"What are doing here Edward?" I ask him as calmly as possible but from inside I am again wishing that I could just disappear and I would not need to face him, already I am having one hell of a bad day after encountering  those girls during lunch, Mrs. Sierra during Forensics and that math teacher who made a huge fuss about how I am so much older than everyone else around me and why I missed a year so I can clearly say what I don't need now and that is fighting with Edward on the same topic for the millionth time.

"Regina please try to understand, I am saying this for your own good, for her good'" Edward says in a concerned voice which is perhaps to good to be true.                                                       "Edward, I have told you this before and I am saying this again, you don't need to worry about me or her."

"Regina you would just destroy your life by doing this and Angie's as well"

I don't care if now everyone is looking at me but I can't keep my voice down, I can't be silent, "What do you mean by that? I am going to destroy Angie's life? Who the hell you think you are? You weren't even there when Angie needed you the most and now all of a sudden you care about her so much that you are going to teach me what should I do and what should I not? What gives you the right to decide what's good for angie and what's not?" I spluttered out as my cheeks burnt and tears of fury ran down m eyes. 

"Regi, try to understand you are just creating a scene now, you would never be enough for Angie, you would never be able to give Angie the life she deserves so what's the harm in giving her to someone who would be able to." He says annoyingly while the look in his eyes doesn't even flicker for a second,

he is completely unbothered of the fact that he is talking about his daughter.

I wipe out my tears because I know I have to be stronger, I don't have any other option other than being stronger even if it means to build up a guard so high that the emotions can't even touch the surface on the other side, so I regain my calm and in a clear and stern voice say, 

"Edward, I gave birth to Angie without anyone's support when you had even refused to pick up my calls so Heck yeah, I can raise her alone by myself "  I said strongly. "as more than a luxurious life Angie deserves her own family, her own mother, Thank you for your Concern, It's appreciated but it's not needed and neither is our presence in our life" 

I walk out of the hallway while the people who all had been watching us so intently and whispering into each other ears for the past twenty minutes try to pretend that they  couldn't have cared less about what goes on in Regina Holland's life but I know they care, the looks, the comments, all of them prove that maybe I could forget the old Regina but Liberty High can never

and no matter how much I try to rise up at the end of the day I find myself struggling to breathe as I clutch my Last string of chance which stops me from drowning  with all my life, Angie.