Little Note (gxg)

18

I'm being ignored. I never thought that it would hurt this much. My heart feels heavy and I don't know what to do. I've only been ignored for a day and a half, but it feels like eternity. Ella and I always talk. Every single day we talk. It doesn't feel normal not to, but here we are. I'm sitting at the kitchen table, biting my thumb, my leg bouncing, debating what I should do. Should I wait a little longer to see if she answers me? Should I go over to her house and try and make her talk to me? Or should I confess? I don't know. What if she actually doesn't like me? I mean Brittany told me she did, but should I trust her word? What if she just thinks she does?

I'm stumped. I really am.

"Honey?" I heard. But I didn't look away from what I was staring at.

I'm not too sure what I was staring at actually. You know when you zone out and it's like your vision just kinda sees everything and you're not focused on anything besides what's in front of you? That's what was happening. I could see the fridge, the counter, the coffee pot, the cabinets above them and I could see the concerned gazes of my mom and Kyler.

Even though it's only been a day I've been closed off from people besides Kaleb. I was honestly dumbfounded on what to do and that's all I've been thinking about.

I'm not even sure why Kyler is here, especially without Sarah. Or maybe Sarah is here.

I can't think.

"Kodi." I hear my mom say again.

This time I felt a hand slap my forehead.

"Ow!" I wince and brought my hand up to it as my gaze turns to the worried eyes of mom and my sister. "What the hell was that for?"

"Well we've been calling your name for the past five minutes and you've been frozen. I just had to make sure you weren't dead." Kyler shrugged. I rolled my eyes at her.

"I didn't hear you."

"What's on your mind hun?" Mom asked. I looked over at her this time and she looked concerned. I looked around and didn't see Kaleb. I could've sworn he was here. Mom must have noticed, "I finished feeding him and sent him off with Kacy. Now talk to us baby."

I sighed and rubbed my temple. "I'm fine."

My mom gave me a pointed look. My family knew about my downward spiral. When I became depressed, when I did bad things, when I was raped, when I became so sad when I was pregnant. I felt so helpless, but they all helped me. They know 'fine' doesn't mean fine.

"Now we know that's a lie. If you want to just talk to Kyler I can leave," she said softly. I shook my head at her and told her she could stay.

"You know last week when I went out and I didn't come home till morning?" I asked. My mom nodded her head.

"I may or may not have went to get drunk. It was only with Olivia and Julia though, at Olive's house." I caught myself quickly. They continued to watch me. "I was really drunk okay? I was trying to get rid of these thoughts in my head, and I was so confused and Julia was there.." I trailed off and looked at them. They seemed to catch on as their eyebrows shot up. "It was a huge mistake but when I went out to eat with everybody the other day, Brittany brought it up because Julia told her. And now Ella is ignoring me. I'm trying to figure out what to do and I don't know what." I rambled.

"Wait are you dating Ella?!" Kyler said excitedly. "You know when you brought her over all those times, I could feel the tension and I could always see you eye fucking her." My mom slapped her arm and she rubbed it. I smiled a little but glared at Kyler.

"I am not dating Ella. I do like her though. A lot actually." I sighed and put my hand on my cheek, resting my elbow on the island.

"Well, it seems that Ella might like you back since she's ignoring you after hearing that information. I think you should go tell her. Also, I think Ella could be really good for you. I've noticed your nightmares have been way less since you've met her in person and I already like her. She does wonders. She could be really good for you. You just need to explain, I think she'll understand." Mom said as she disappeared out of the kitchen.