Star and its darkness (Book 1 in the Darkness&Brightness series)

18. Right One

"I'm right, man. Then you'd be happier. Not angry all the time."

"I'm not angry with you."

"I know. But poor girls they're scared."

"They're not!" I snap, hitting the table with my hand, and when I turn around to look at them all of them are gazing at me, scared.

"See? Told ya." I roll my eyes.

"That's hard."

"Don't have to be. Not if you find the right one."

"Who do I know who's the right one?"

"When your heart beats fast near her. If you still have one", he teases. I'm not sure if I have it. If my father didn't break it.

I took off my jacket and placed (more like thrown) it on the chair hard. The girl behind me bounces back. I frown. What's with them? All scary shit.

"Stop scaring girls, mate", Tyler chuckles.

When the class is over I see her again. With one twin and those girls, Tyler said. She's laughin' and one of the twins is grabbing her waist. She giggles. Then frowns. Does she have a boyfriend? So, she did try to piss him off that night with me. She lied. I feel anger in my veins and squeeze my fits. Maybe, more like a disappointment. Why do all of them have an urge to lie? But then, she grabs his hand, moves it from her waist, and leaves. I stand in front of her.

"Your boyfriend's angry, Bratz." I grinned.

"Told ya, he's not my boyfriend!", she exclaims furiously and leaves. I look at the twin and he stares at me. I remember the girl with brown, curly hair that Stella disappeared with that morning after we had sex, and I see how her lips are parted, looking surprised just like her blonde friend. Girls. I roll my eyes and go to class.

I can't wait for the end of the day. I really need to get high. To calm down. To find out how to be next to that girl. Maybe she didn't lie, who knows. Even though I was angry (or still am) something keeps pulling me to her. And I don't know what that is or neither I can resist. I want to find out more about her. About Stella. I like her name. Must have some meaning. I wonder what it means. I'll make sure to look up.

When I come back to the frat house, Tyler's with me.

"Wanna get high?", I ask him, already on my way to get some weed.

"Um, maybe a little. I have homework."

"Fuck homework!" I don't do homework. I don't care about grades. In my private school, I had to have all positive grades. Perfect. My dad forced me to study, even though he wanted to pay for a private college. Now I'm not sure would I be able to go to a college with these grades. But I don't care.

"This is life!"I take a puff of the cigarette I made and I'm already feeling calmer. I regret I didn't find out about this earlier.

"Enough. I have to go", Tyler says, getting up and leaving a cigarette in the ashtray.

"Dude you didn't even smoke! " I look at the cigarette, only the apex was started.

"Later." And with that, he disappears.

He acts like I don't know that he is trying to be better. To be better for some girl. I know it, even though he hides it really well, being a bad boy only with us in the frat house. I don't know why'd you want to change for a girl. And I certainly don't know why is he doing that. But I see that he is happy. Maybe he was right, maybe finding a real one can actually make you happy. But that thing is not for me. I can't be happy. That's in my veins. Darkness is in my veins, filling my body, heart, and soul. So no girl would like to have a boyfriend like me.

I lay and close my eyes. I try to picture that girl. Stella. I try to picture Stella. When she giggled she looked... cute? Is that even a word? I remember those dark circles. What is happening to her? With her parents? Does she stay at the night thinkin' 'bout life? Does she cry as I cry? Does she get furious at life as I get? Can she change me and make me happy as Tyler said? Can I make her happy? Would I even want to have a chance to do that? I don't know that, but I only know that I want to get to know her. I want to meet her. But real her. That part which she hides from this cruel world. Damn! Why? Why do I want that? She clearly wants to know 'bout me, too. Wants to know my secret. The part that I'm hiding from the world. I can't give it to her. She can't give me hers. So can we get along?

"Dude wanna whiskey?" I open my eyes and in front of me is Austin. Another member of the fraternity.

"On Monday? No, I'm good. Wanna pot?" I offer him.

"Actually I do." We sit in silence, only exhaling the smoke.

"You have a girlfriend?", I break the silence.

"I had. We broke up", he says, exhaling the smoke and quickly taking another puff.

"Why?" I'm making another cigarette. This wasn't enough. I'm not calm. Yet.

"'Cuz she's a bitch. She cheated on me", he says, frowning inhaling the thing in which he places our hopes to calm us down. To make us forget about this world and the people in it.

"Yeah, they do that sometimes", I state, not knowing what to tell him.

"All the time, buddy. All the time. They just take advantage of us." I wonder if that's true. I think that, too. But Tyler thinks differently and I wonder what's true. Do you break up with girls till you find the right one? I guess so. But what do you do when you find the right one? And is there a right one for me?

NOTE: Who's right? Tyler or Austin?