BALLAD OF HUA MULAN 》THE WEEPING MONK

chapter 9

chapter 9:
is it love?
Lancelot

She hates me, and I understand why. I didn't recognize her because the Fey took something deep within her, something her father always wanted her to show, and put it on display for the world to see. A woman fighting for what she believes in, and not by the influence of scripture. She let her raven locks down, and they bounced each time she struck at me, and her eyes shone with a bravery and vulnerability that she thought was lost long ago.

Although I have no idea what happened to her nor why she tore off the half of the necklace I made for her, I am determined to find out. And the only reason why I kept my sanity in this fog was because I kept my mind focused on protecting her. As my own brothers were consumed with madness and attacking eachother, I held her body tight against my own with one arm while the other held my sword and split the blood of my brothers who tried coming for me.

Don't you touch her!

I didn't care about the blood on my features, all it took was one look down upon her unconscious face and knowing she was hurt is what drove me to keep fighting.

In the past two years we have been together, I grew to admire her as a warrior and as a woman. She's strong, but she isn't numb or emotionless and needs a shoulder to cry on, only showing her vulnerability to me. Perhaps it is because we have been so close that she trusts me, or perhaps she feels the same as I. With this adoration came stealing glances whenever I got the chance, during training or even watching her peacefully fall asleep. I know that when we make eye contact, my heart will pick up its pace and unsettle me, especially that day in the lake. I know that I have dreamt of her, perhaps being married in a small cottage out on the countryside, or. . .other dreams, so I know that I feel something that can only be described as love.

But, can I really feel that? Or is this just a way for my heart to play with my emotions? A way to distract my mind from the slaughter?

"Why didn't you leave me?"

Mulan asked, regaining her strength. I had patched up her wound with a remedy and a cloth to wrap around it, and she awoke a few hours later.

"You are lost-"

"The only lost one is you," She spat at me, and I did not blame her for her rage.

"What happened that night?" Her face went cold and just from looking at the way her face dropped, I knew something was wrong.

That something was taken from her.

Something that couldn't be replaced.

"You don't care," She scoffed, leaning her head back to hold back the tears.

Yet I do.

"Please. Whatever has changed, let me fix."

"You cannot fix this. No one can fix rape."

I craved murder in that moment. Someone dared to lay their greedy hands upon her, touch her, defile her? It made my blood boil.

"Rape? By whom?" I know it may be hurting her, but I needed answers. Who was the fool who dare touch Mulan?

"Heh. . .your Paladins. Even. . .Even Father Carden," I wanted to vomit. No, there's no way that he would ever harm her.

Not like this.

"They saw that necklace and did not even think to ask me about it. They thought I had a lover, that I was a sinner; but in reality, I was going to be found out as a woman and their fragile masculinity could not handle that. They waited till nightfall and. . .and dragged me to a church and told me that I had to pay for my sins. They," She choked out, and as much as I wanted to reach out and comfort her, she probably didn't want me to be the one doing so.

"They tore off my armor, my clothes. . .they touched me, they-they laughed as they t-took turns on me. Carden just laughed along with them, and told me that I deserved it! He left, he didn't touch me but it still felt like it. I don't know what hit me or what happened, but I had this rush and killed every last Paladin in that church before escaping. And then the Fey found me," She looked me in the eyes.

"Why weren't you there? Why-Why just that night, why couldn't you protect me when I couldn't protect myself?" I engulfed her in a hug, a few tears slipping out of my own eyes, and she sobbed into my shoulder. Holding her like this, I know I shouldn't treat her like glass, but for her sake, I didn't hold on too tight.

"I'm so sorry, Mulan. . .I'm so sorry," I whispered, letting her continue crying.

"I promise you that no one will ever touch you again, not as long as I am alive," I promised, my teeth gritting with rage.

"No one shall live to see the newborn sun if they even think about it."