BALLAD OF HUA MULAN 》THE WEEPING MONK

chapter 6

chapter 6:
our own journey.
Mulan

My breathing was heavy and hard as I stumbled out of that horrid place, but refused to fall. A groan escaped past my lips in pain as I used one of my blades to waddle out, further into the night. The candles that enveloped His great palace soon faded out as I continued on.

I held no expression on my face. I was screaming, yet I wasn't. I was enraged and hurt and crying, yet my body couldn't display those emotions and. . .it was okay.

Right?

"A-ah!" I whimpered, falling to the ground at my twisted ankle.

I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to bash my head onto a rock until I passed out and forgot who I was, or until I bled out and died.

Either way, I would be able to forget their sticky and dirty hands all over me. I would be able to forget how they held me down and took away my power and my pride, and how they all laughed and smiled and mocked me.

"I'm so sorry, dad. . .but they were too strong," I choked out, my tears bringing me comfort as I succumbed to the pain and let the darkness fall over me.

__________

"She's all scarred up."

"Poor girl."

"No one deserves what happened to her. No one."

"Stop," I mumbled out, forcing my eyes to readjust from the harsh light.

"Are you alright? Are you feeling well?" A man's voice asked and I saw his armor immediately. The Green Knight.

"Hyah!" I pulled out my dagger hidden within my thigh and swiped at his throat, to which he immediately grabbed my wrist.

"What are you-?! You're the Soulless Soldier."

"You think?" I grunted, trying to throw a punch at him with my free hand but he grabbed that one too.

"You're a girl."

"Wow, how did you figure that one out?" But then, I felt a sharp pain in my lower regions and gasped.

"Sh-shit."

"We know what happened to you," He cut right to the chase and my eyes widened.

"N-no, you don't. I just-"

"One of our Fey read your mind. She saw everything, but we can take care of you-"

"You're wrong!" I yelled, forcing myself up from the makeshift bed and I leaned against the rocky wall.

"It isn't your fault-"

"How is it not?! I was trained to be better, to hold against my own, but they. . .they held me down. . .they laughed at me," My hands gripped ny hair so hard that I thought my scalp would start bleeding.

"Gawain? Is she awa-? Oh. . .oh, dear, it's going to be alright-"

"How the fuck is it going to be alright?! They've defiled me! They touched me! All because they thought I had a lover!" I screamed, so hysterical in that moment that I just fell to my knees and sobbed into my hands.

I'm so sorry, dad. . .

All that training. . .just for naught.

"It was not for naught, Hua Mulan."

What are you doing? Get out!

"I saw your life. It was beautiful. Until you came here, seeking revenge for something that never happened."

I looked up at her, "What are you talking about?"

She sighed, "I saw what Carden told you. It was all lies. We never sent anyone to hurt your father."

"How do I know you're not the lying beasts you are?!" I snapped.

But then, she showed me. She placed her hands upon my head and showed me the past, a past that I was not born into yet. My heart hammered against my chest, praying that she was lying and that all that slaughter I did was for my father, for his honor and for his life. But. . .she was right. It was all a lie. A lie that I believed because I wanted something to hold onto, something to justify killing these innocent creatures.

"N-no. . ." A tear trailed down my cheek.

"I'm sorry that you were led astray, but Gawain has seen your abilities. We all have. You may not feel that it will justify killing them, but it will bring back honor to your father and your name. Please, all we ask is that you fight for us-" I gripped onto her arms.

"Yes, yes I will. I-I'm so sorry. . .I'm so sorry," I sobbed into her chest and she held me oh so gently, but I wouldn't blame her if she wanted to take that chance to stab me in the heart.

But she didn't.

And that's what made it worse.