Mika
Today yung team building namin sa Bacolod. It's just an hour flight pero enough time for me para mapahinga yung utak ko. Sinubukan kong umidlip pero hindi ko talaga kayang lokohin ang sarili ko.
Pagdilat ko nakita ko si Alyssa katabi ni Jia na mapayapang natutulog sa kabilang side ng plane.
Paggalaw ko my biglang tumapik sa braso ko.
"Mika naman e. Nakita ng natutulog yung tao." It was Ella.
"Hindi kasi ako makatulog. Ella."
"Why?"
"Akala ko after our talk okay na lahat. Okay naman talaga ako Ella e. Ang dami kong gustong sabihin sa kanya pero naunahan niya ako. Ganun pala ung feeling na ang dami mong inipon na tanong sa sarili mo na ineexpect mo ng mga kasagutan pero pagandoon ka na mamemental block ka. Yung isang sorry niya lang mawawala na lahat. Hindi ko man lang nasabi sa kanya na I distance myself because I feel unwanted."
"Kung nasabi ko kaya sakanya yan? Tatakbo kaya siya pabalik sakin and will tell me na sorry if na feel mo yan. Then she will cry habang sinasabi niya na mahap niya ako. Gusto ko sabihin sa kanya na kaya ko naman magpatawad at makalimot. Handa akong bigyan ng chance yung saming dalawa."
"Pero upon hearing those explanations of her narialize ko na hindi na kylangan. Kasi hindi lahat ng gusto mo ay aayon sayo. Seeing her again makes everything perfect, perfect for me to let go."
Pinunasan ko yung mata ko bago pa tumulo yung luha ko. Hindi ko na inantay yung sagot ni Ella. Huminga ako ng malalim at pumikit. Susubukang kong makatulog ulit and this time sana I can catch some sleep.
"In the end I'm gonna be alright. But it might take a hundred sleepless nights. To make the memories of you disappear. But right now I can't see nothing through these tears." Naririnig kong kanta ni Ella.
Muli akong bumaling sa tabi ko at umayos ng upo. Sinulyapan ko si Ella at sinabing "Let me sleep even just for tonight. 'Cause I can't keep you from wandering 'round my mind. And even if I can't have you. Even if I can't make you mine. I'll be standing waiting till it's time." natatawa kong kanta sakanya sabay pahid ng laway niya na asa braso ko. "And for the record, it's okay not to be okay."
"Bwisit ka talaga Reyes! Pero leaving without an explanation hurts talaga, like really hurts bad."
Ella
"Hindi lahat ng hindi makalimutan ay binabalikan. " Muling paalala ko kay Mika. Tapos hindi na siya kumibo.
I saw Mika kung gaano kamiserable when she's with Den. Hindi talaga priority ni Den yung relationship noong time na yun. She's busy chasing her dreams kaya hindi niya naramdaman na Mika likes her. See only sees Mika as her companion. I was moved noong sinabi sakin ni Mika na "Hirap maging masaya kapag laging may kapalit na lungkot. Nakakaiyak pala makita yung sarili mong pagod na pagod na." Breaking up is never easy lalo na't hindi naman naging sila, no matter how she fakes her smile even if she dated for a couple times. She selflessly loves Den kaya kahit ayaw niyang bitawan si Den kylangan niyang magmake ng some change sa life noong panahon na yon lalo na't wala naman siyang naririnig from Den.
But despite all the circumstances before, I admire Mika on her willingness to let go for her to move on, which technically involves Den. Kahit na hirap siya sa umpisa alam ko naman na ayun lang yung best choice para magsimula siyang buoin ang self niya. I keep on telling her na kylangan niyang tandaan yung dahilan bakit niya iniwasan si Den kahit na mahirap, kylangan niyang maging matatag, being around or having contact with Den will never works out. Don't think for What Ifs kasi baka magend up lang na masaktan siya lalo in the long run. I also asked her to stop talking to me regarding Den.
Look at how handles things now. She really matured in a good way talaga. I'm happy that she gives herself a clean break. Minsan talaga letting go of the past allows you to move on to your future. Letting go is working progress. If gusto talaga magagawa only If you'll help yourself.
#MikaDen, pinagtagpo pero hindi itinadhana.
