Trap Queen

Ch. 8

Damn... I hadn't really thought of a way to respond to that question with her. I mean, I knew it was coming eventually, I just thought it would be with Lani and I'd be able to answer how I want to.

"I'm not ready tuh talk about dat. 'Ow you been?"

"Nah nah nah. Don't swerve on me. We still haven't talked about a lot of things babygirl."

"G please... I thought I would be ready tuh talk but I just can't. Thinking about what I'd say tuh you in mi head and then actually saying it to yuh face is completely different. I thought about you on a daily fucking basis and what I would say tuh you, and now-" she cuts me off before I can finish.

"You thought about me huh?" I start fidgeting with my fingers and feel blood rushing to my cheeks. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" I look up at her with a confused expression.

"You play with your fingers when you're nervous. Don't be nervous around me."

"Quit watching me so closely, Giselle." She chuckles and shrugs.

"Can't help it." There was a moment of silence before she lifted my head up with her finger. My heart begins pounding as she stares at me with her low eyes. The liquor and the way she's staring at me are not a good combination

"I miss you." I practically whisper it before I realize what I just said.

"I miss you too, Rih." I have to look back in her eyes to see if she's serious. "But I don't know if I can trust you..."

"You can trust me. I would've never done anything dat could affect you. I woulda neva done any of dat 'ad I known what was really going on."

"Was I one of the reasons you started doing coke again?"

"I dun like placing blame on mi addiction. It's no ones fault but mi own."

"But was I?" I bite my lip and slowly nod my head. "What did I do?" I chuckle softly before licking my lips and shaking my head.

"You.. Um. You treated me like shit, da same way mi ex did.. You would say da same disrespectful shit she did and it made me start thinking of shit I shouldn't think of."

"Tell me what I said so I won't again. I have no filter on my mouth and don't think about what I say after I say it.." She shrugged her shoulders. And the sad thing is, she was honestly this way.

"Da list goes on and on, G. But da tings dat stood out da most is you would constantly tell me I was nothing but some pussy tuh you. Or dat I wasn't special and tuh stop being so emotional. Dat shit fucked with me da most, G."

"Damn... You know why I said that shit to you?"

"Cause you're a bitch." We both chuckle and she shakes her head.

"I am. But that's not why I'd say that dumb shit. I said it to push you away. I've never done the relationship shit before and every time you started getting close I felt the need to push you away."

"Be 'onest with me fah once G. Do you like me? Like do you wanna be with me?"

"I can't answer that right now, Rih."

"Then I can't be around you. I can't just go back tuh being a booty call fah you. I'm in too deep with you and won't deny 'ow I feel. But I need you tuh let me go so I can move on if you don't feel da same fah me..."

G // Giselle

I damn sure don't want to let her go and I especially don't want her with someone else. That thought alone pisses me off.

"So if I'm not ready to be in a relationship with you, you're done?"

She started playing with her damn fingers again, so I slapped her hands.