Why am I this conscious of what he thinks of me…? That alcohol really got me hard….
--
It’s still early… I still could manage to catch up for my first class… yesterday was
like a rollercoaster of events… but never did I enjoy the ride… and never would I want to experience it again… Jennie’s probably right… I should just let myself stay away from his lover’s way because it would just only give me more heartache… wherein the first place I couldn’t decipher why should I feel that pain…? Am I worthy to feel hurt hearing those words from her…? Am I worthy to feel sorry for myself being the most pathetic wife of someone…? And most especially… am I worthy of hoping for a happy marriage with her lover…?
I let the cold water rinse off those unanswered questions… together with the sadness that is slowly creeping up on me again… today’s another day… I shouldn’t be worrying about yesterday’s heartaches and just focus on trying to make something new and happy today…but how long have I been doing these trials…?
Each day I always try… but in the end… I always fail… am I really incapable of making myself worthy of that happiness…?
--
‘I know someday… Jungkook and I will still be together…’
So much for making myself forget… as much as I want to shift my thoughts to somewhere, I would always fall for that one statement… why am I bothering myself to feel in pain thinking about those words…? I was once a prisoner of him and my cowardliness… it would be a great chance to have my freedom once they get back into each others arms… I should be feeling happy by then… but why… why do I feel the opposite thing…
Slowly suffocating me… thinking what will happen to me once he left…? Am I back into being a mere thing being sold just to free my family from its debt…? Never have I wanted to have such pitiful life…
And why is that a bigger part of me is now screaming for him not to leave me… not to go with her… Have I finally got accustomed to his painful treatment… Since when have I wanting for him to stay with me…? Such a cruel intention to someone I do not own and never will…
“What took you so long…?”
And just then… after a very tiring moment of battling with myself, asking myself with those impossible questions… a voice finally woke me up from my deep trance… thank god someone did for I could feel my self slowly being numb from all of these mixed sadness I’ve been feeding myself…
Shifting my gaze towards the person who asked me… my eyes widen… and I felt a familiar skip in my heart when I saw ‘his’ face… my voice suddenly got caught up in my throat…
He’s here… and to think that earlier I was thinking of him leaving me alone… now he’s actually here…
The same feeling of that other night showered me once again… feeling the lightness inside of me despite the heavy and cold stare he’s giving me… I probably am slowly losing my mind…
--
His brow raised upon not receiving a response from her… she was just standing at the end of the table with her head bowed down…
He was waiting for her… doesn’t know why he should but just finding himself unable to start with his food without her… and still being bothered about her words from last night… and especially about his own words… still blaming his weary self for blurting out those unacceptable words…
“What are you waiting for in there…? We’ll be late for class…”
She then hurriedly went to her seat across from him… the maids prepared her food… and a thought brushed her mind realizing this was probably their first breakfast together… with just the two of them… with that, she suddenly looked up… didn’t took a while for their eyes to meet once again…
YOU ARE READING
ALWAYS
FanfictionThis is only an adaptation. Credits to the authors : Bludoki and Mrskwonjiyong. Foreword We were both just caught in the circumstance that we both can't escape... Neither of us wants to end up being in each others arms... I am stupid and useless fo...
