She wanted to die.
He wanted to live.
•••
A hand grabbed onto my wrist, yanking me back just as the train rushed past, before I'd even had time to comprehend whether or not I'd carry out the action. I stumbled back into the person's chest, my hear...
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Watching Cassie purposefully put herself in harm's way felt like a blade was being rammed into my chest.
But of course, she wouldn't know I felt this way, because I kept my lips shut and attempted at masking any obvious signs of disapproval as I watched her potentially inches away from a serious injury.
She had a ruminating look in her hazel eyes, a thousands thoughts flashing through her pensive gaze too fast for me to grasp what was going through her head. Pretty much dangling from the ladder, her single loose grip on the rusted metal was doing nothing to ease my growing nerves, the continual creaking of the steps heightening my apprehension as she made her way back to the ground after the end of our tense conversation.
I watched with guarded eyes as Cassie took another step down the ladder, in a state of consternation when she lost her footing and tripped forward for a split second until her grip on the ladder tightened, holding herself back up. My reflexes were faster than hers though, and in an instant I had reached out to hold her legs in place, my shaking hands banded around her thighs to help keep her upright. My pale blue fingertips seemed more prominent than ever with my fingers splayed out across her thighs, their cold temperature a harsh contrast to the warmth radiating off her.
"That wasn't on purpose," she murmured, her face directly above mine as I could see each miniature movement of hers up close.
"I know Cass, I know."
"And I'm sorry for being like that earlier... it wasn't fair."
"You don't have to apologise Cass," I shook my head slightly, a gentle smile crossing my lips, "I get it."
Neither of us made any effort to move from our position, and since Cassie was holding most of her weight I was only having to partially support her, the strain on my arms meaningless in comparison to being so close to her. It was moments like this where I got confused about everything to do with her and the mental debate with my morals; times like this where I wasn't sure why the burning in my chest seemed to lessen was or the aching in my bones seemed to numb or the way her eyes were just so beautiful - hauntingly ethereal as her hazel eyes remained fixated on mine.
And of course, my brain decided that this would be the perfect time to remind me that I could list a hundred reasons why I shouldn't be doing this.
I should have let go of her, and walked away right that exact second before any more damage was done. All I had to do was remove my hands, take a step back and say I had to go – we had spent nearly five hours together after all. I could easily have walked her back to the train station and wished her well before saying goodbye and never seeing her again, but I just- couldn't.
As much as I wanted to lie to myself and saying I was staying with Cassie because I knew she needed me, the truth was staring me straight in the eyes: from here on out, I was pretty sure Cassie would have been alright without me. I'd done what I set out to do - she was going to try and save herself from falling.
