April's Heart

Just The Beginning

"I came over to talk to you about tomorrow," Kenny offered.

"What about it?" April answered abruptly.

Kenny flinched, her paranoia taking him off guard. 

"Just making sure everything was good and that you still wanted to go."

April nodded, sipping her coffee and glaring at Kenny over the rim of her cup.

"Are you alright?" Jae asked.  "You seem..upset."

"I'm fine," April said.  "This is just a little surreal.  The two of you. Together."

"I should go," Kenny said, standing, "I have to teach a class in half an hour." 

Jae and Kenny shook hands before Kenny practically ran for the door.  April watched him then turned to Jae expectantly.

"What was that about?" She asked when he offered no information.

"He really just came to see you.  You were asleep so we started talking.  I don't want there to be any animosity between us.  I know he's going to be here after I leave."

April nodded though she wasn't exactly sure Jae was telling the whole truth.  If not she was sure she could get the whole story from Kenny when they went out.

"I was thinking," Jae said coming around the counter, "that we could just spend the day in bed.  Everything's done.  I'm all packed.  I just want to relax with you.  Is that ok?" 

April nodded looking over at Jae's luggage stacked neatly by the door and she immediately forgot all about everything but the fact that he was leaving. She hated that luggage. It signified the end of something that meant the world to her. In less than twenty-four hours Jae would take up his bags and walk out of her life. She'd be left in an apartment that was as empty yet somehow more empty than before.                                                        

"I'm going to take a quick shower.  I'll be there in a minute," April told Jae.  He kissed her cheek and she went into the bathroom.  Staring into the mirror she willed herself not to cry.  This sadness was something she would have to get used to. Soon she'd have plenty of time to weep and expel all her sorrow but she didn't want Jae to see her that way.  She knew his guilt would cause him to make decisions he wouldn't otherwise make and she didn't want to be the causes of any mistakes or any more regret.  

Wrapped in a towel she went to her room to find Jae standing at her bedroom window, staring at the city below.  

"You love it here," he said without turning around.

"I do," she replied.

"I wish I could.  Everything would be so much easier if I could."

"Jae," April said, rushing to his side, "even if you did, it's not where you need to be.  Loving this city wouldn't keep you from missing your home.  I love this city because it's where I grew up.  Everything has meaning to me; it evokes memories that make me feel secure.  I know you feel the same way about Ansan."

"April, I'm sorry."

Jae turned to her, tears streaming down his face.  She hadn't expected an emotional outpouring from him, she was supposed to be the sad one.  He had seemed so at peace with his decision just a short time ago.  

"Why?" She asked, wiping away his tears.

"I shouldn't have let this happen.  I should have kept my distance.  I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay but I pursued you anyway.  I never should have started this."

April sighed, taking Jae into her arms. 

"I'm not sorry," she whispered.

Jae pulled away and looked at her, perplexed.

"You're not?  Why?  This is a disaster."

"That's not how I see it at all.  Jae, when I met you, I was so low that I was drinking alone trying to drown my sorrow.  You came into my life like a bolt of lightning and you changed me.  Nothing lasts forever but I will carry you in my heart for the rest of my life because that's where you belong.  I honestly believe I'm better for having been with you, even if it was only for short while. So, please don't be sorry."

"Do you mean that?" Jae asked. She knew he was afraid she was simply trying to appease his suffering by saying what he might want to hear, but she meant every word. Where would she be if he had kept his distance? She didn't even want to think about it.  She assumed she'd be drinking nightly or at least eating herself out of house and home.  She never would have reconnected with Kenny who had become so much more to her than he had even been before.  And though she may never let herself fall in love again, she did believe in the power of love.  She had Jae to thank for that.

April nodded, overcome by emotion.  

"Come on," Jae said, taking her hand and leading her to the bed.  He lay down and opened his arms inviting her to join him.

They spent much of the day in silence, kissing, caressing, making love.  Somehow, though, it didn't feel like the end.  As the day wore on, April became more and more sure that her story with Jae wasn't over. And as night fell, she knew for certain that this wasn't their last night together. Somehow, this was just the beginning.