The Flames of Medicine

10

**Chapter notes: **

Code White: Pediatric Emergency 

F41.3 : Mixed Anxiety Disorder

99205: High Severity Problem (will only use 205 -- not the full code)

Alprazolam: Helps treat many kinds of anxiety disorders, including panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder.

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Claire POV:

It's been a week since Dr. Deaton restarted my heart and I gained consciousness. 

It's been a week since Luke and Dr. Irwin were able to get a restraining order on Bruce. 

I found out that Bruce provided a fake name to pretend to be my father and told everyone his name was Kevin. I told the police his name was Bruce Langner. 

He couldn't come in to the hospital or ask for me.

I was able to get some bending movement on my knees and was actually recovering well. The 3 doctors check on me very frequently and it was nice to get some attention and feel wanted without them wanting or forcing sex out of me. 

Dr. Hood checks on my breathing and heart a lot since it had stopped beating. He's very quiet but he's also very caring. I respect that he's very quiet with me because I'm the same. We have this like "smile conversation" every time he comes in. He says hi, he tells me what he's gonna do, and he tells me if I'm okay or not and he gives me a smile and he gives me a high five and leaves until he comes back later. It's not much but I love the little interaction. I don't know much about him but by the way he's treated me I have this sense to trust him and I feel okay around him. 

I feel fine around all of them. 

 Dr. Clifford is so funny and he always comes to tell me a joke while he checks on my legs. He's happy because he says the surgery went great and I would get 100% recovery if I do everything as he says. Dr. Deaton comes in twice maybe three times and checks on my injuries over all. I think if  I remember correctly, she's a surgeon just like Dr. Irwin but she had some specialization on minors so she could help me a little more than Dr. Irwin could in therapy. I really like her. She's really sweet and smart and she respects when I don't want to talk or if I mention I want to talk about something other than my story.

Luke came to visit me 3 days ago, for like 30 minutes and that was it. It was a short visit, but it was for me to sign some papers permitting him to be my psychologist. Turns out he isn't just a firefighter, he also works part time with some special cases in the hospital as their psychologist.  I signed the papers and Dr. Irwin, as my official surgeon, signed the agreement that he allowed Luke to have 2 sessions a week with me. He has the title Dr. Luke, but he pleaded me to not call him that and just to call him Luke. 

I may be out of the house but I know that Mr. Lewis will not stop until I am dead and I don't want to bring people that are trying to help me into this danger.  Dr. Irwin along with the help of the firefighter, Luke i think is his name, had figured out that Bruce wasn't my dad and he got so mad that Bruce was in here when Dr. Deaton called him and told him that I had confirmed his suspicions. 

"Come on Claire, you have to give me 10 more steps. You can do it. 10 more and you can go cry on your bed watching your cheesy rom-coms" 

"HEY I happen to love those movies. Don't judge me Dr. Clifford" I said out of breathe as I held on the 2 side bars as I attempted to walk back to him waiting for me at the end of the therapy walking machine. 

He laughed as he walked to my side and held on to the belt tied around my waist even tighter than before. "Claire, how many times have I told you to call me Michael and not Dr. Clifford. Only my favorite patients can call me Dr. Clifford."

I scoffed as he smiled. "In that case I'll keep calling you Dr. Clifford" 

"In that case I'll take the tv in your room out so you can't watch any movies" He laughed as he helped me finish the last 4 steps. 

As soon as I got to the end I was exhausted and my body just sort of gave up on standing by the force of my hands and the bars to my sides and I needed help to get to my wheelchair.

"It's okay Claire, good job honey. I got you, don't worry." he said concerned but also happy.

"Sorry, Michael, I just lost all energy" I said out of breathe. I couldn't get a grip on getting my legs together to stand properly. 

"Micheal--" I said a little concerned and overwhelmed.

"it's okay honey, it's okay." he said as he let go of the belt on the machine and held on to me. 

"Claire, do you give me permission to carry you? I don't want you to hurt yourself more honey"

I froze. 

I stared at him. 

He stared at me holding on to me waiting for an answer. 

I felt something start to form in the middle of my chest. 

I was in shock.

"wh-what?" I managed to choke out. Breathing was getting hard to do. I started to hyperventilate and to tear up. 

"Claire, woah. Claire listen to my voice. Claire. Hey"

Michael started to quickly talk to me to get me to focus on him but I couldn't. I just couldn't focus on him. 

The only thing repeating in my head were the words "give me permission to carry you" "give me permission to carry you" "give me permission to carry you" 

Michaels POV: 

"Sorry, Michael, I just lost all energy" she says as she tries to keep standing by herself but she was evidently struggling. 

I hurriedly finish putting the waist belt on the machine to get back to her. 

"Micheal--" I hear her say scared as I finish tying the belt. I quickly go to her as her body just gave up.

"it's okay honey, it's okay." She was struggling to stay standing. This is worrying me now. She's supposed to be weak yes, but not THIS weak. She can't stand up right now. All the progress we had built up to is just gone in a matter of seconds. Something's wrong. I need to get her to x-rays and MRI of her spine. 

She stumbles and just gives out. I manage to hold on to her sudden lose of control but it's just easier if I can carry her so she doesn't do more damage to her already aching body. 

"Claire, do you give me permission to carry you? I don't want you to hurt yourself more honey"

It's as if I said something that triggered her. 

She immediately froze and a look of emotion and shock hit her face. 

I froze.

She stared at me.

I stared at her waiting for a response that I knew wouldn't happen since she was clearly going into an anxiety triggered-driven attack.

Fuck. 

"wh-what?" she managed to choke out. 

Her breathing started to get shallow and struggling. She immediately started to hyperventilate and the tears followed. 

"Claire, woah. Claire listen to my voice. Claire. Hey" I need to get her to get some stimulation so she doesn't go, but it's too late. The attack hit her right away and there's nothing she can do now except ride it out. 

"Mi--" she manages to choke out as she flings her hands to her chest and neck and stares at me with panicked eyes.