in which jon mess has a mental break and wren legrande is an optimist who guides him out of the road.
"wren makes me happy. and that's a lot to ask out of someone."
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and like that, they were official. and they were stuck in their own little bubble. wrens school hours weren't as log due to preparation for midterms, and her and jon finally had no walls with each other, and spent all the time they could get together.
they also had a lot of sex in almost every room in wrens apartment, but that's besides the point. jon was happier than he had ever been. her mom still doesn't know, but what she doesn't know won't kill her. she has a love that's all to herself for the first time in her life.
jon left in three days. and she wasn't dealing with it at all.
that thursday they decided to spend all together; so far just wren sprawled out on top of him on the couch. it was an indescribable feeling for jon to not have to feel bad about his closeness to her. he could just hold her tighter to him. "wren?"
"yea?"
"i leave in three days... and we need to talk about what happens."
"why do we have to?" she said. "we still have three days."
"we're gonna be without each other for a long time," he started. "me in california, you here. and you can't move, until june. school. and i really..." he thought of how to phrase it. "ohio isn't where i want to be. and work will get in the way a lot wren. i tour most of the year. breaks never stay long enough to actually form anything permanent. and then we're in the studio. and you're building a career."
she sat up from on top of him. "you're just listing all the reasons we shouldn't be together jon. i told you, i love you. i want to be with you."
"that's not how i'm trying to make it seem, we just need to talk and think it through."
"i don't want to think of what happens when you go okay? i was lonely before you got here too you know. i had lost my best friend and a long term boyfriend for good. my family knew the bare minimum about me. i would study. come home. check social media. watch tv and order food. that's it. day after day. and i really don't wanna think of going back to that. you are something that makes my life interesting and full."
and suddenly wren was hard to read again. she was good at that. crossing her arms and closing herself off.
"wren, we've known each other for three weeks." he said. he regretted it directly after it came from his mouth.
"you're seriously gonna say that to me right now?" she said, raising her eyebrows. okay, readable again, she's pissed. "you know how circumstantial it is now? god jon, i don't know what happens when you leave, okay!"
"listen wren i'm sorry okay," he said, sitting up and scooting closer to her. "wren i love you but i have no idea how to make this work. i've never been cares about like this... in my life."
"it's september 30th." she said into his shoulder. "i graduate in june. that's nine months. nine months i'd have to wait."
if he didn't know any better he would say he heard her begin to cry. either way he held her tighter. "i can visit. at least once a month. i can fly you up for christmas break, i can make sure we have at least two ohio dates each run."
"no, you're right; i have no idea how to make it work." wren said, pulling back and shaking her head, wiping the beginnings of tears. "i don't even know if we can. that's money jon, a lot of money for some chick. to see me every month. fly me up. that's a dream. "it's just bad timing."
"i disagree. it's perfect timing at the wrong time." he laid back down, pulling her back on top of him. "so we wait."
"after three days, we wait." she nodded. "we don't say goodbye, we just take a break."
jon couldn't argue. because maybe a break was what's best.
-
two days later. jon fell asleep in wrens bed for the last time. and wren was long asleep, her back pressed up to him and his arms around her waist, but his mind was racing. he couldn't stop thinking about how long it would be, nine whole months until he could just have this again. maybe she wouldn't even bother to wait for him. the pain he was in was worse than anything he felt before her. the only thing worse than losing someone you love is waiting for them. and jon knew he was gonna make her wait.
someone better than him deserved wren. someone who wouldn't always be away, someone who could always be there for her. even if he moved wren up there, think of how much of the year he would be gone.
he just couldn't be what wren needed. it was selfish of him to think he could be.
he pulled her sleeping body closer to his and buried his head in her hair and neck. relax jon. no jon. fuck you jon for putting her through this.
you're a terrible fucking moron. wren doesn't deserve this.
"stop," he said to himself quietly out loud.
why don't you quit? you should've gotten hit by a car that day instead of being brought into an innocent girls life. she doesn't deserve the stress and pain you bring into her life.
"stop, please." he begged his mind out loud.
wren stirred awake, turning to face jon. she immediately noticed the anxiety on his face in the dark. she brought a hand to his face.
"what are you thinking?" she quietly said in a morning voice.
"how much i'm gonna miss you." he said without skipping a beat. "how lonely i'm gonna be. how selfish i am."
she just pulled him close in her arms, gently kissing him. she brought him into a hug, squeezing him. "it's okay. we're gonna be okay. and you're gonna promise me when you're gone, you're gonna be alright. and remember i love you and you're worth good things."
he nodded, closing his eyes and burying his face into her. "i love you."
"i love you too."
"thank you for everything wren. you make me so happy."
