For your eyes only - l.s

Chapter Thirteen

When the car comes to a halt in front of the red brick building, Louis is so deep in thought that he doesn't notice they're here until Harry clears his throat. He blinks a couple of times before murmuring, "Thank you, I'm back in a few...," stepping out of the car and searching his pockets for the key.

Once in his room, Louis has to sit down on the edge of the bed for a moment, staring at the wall before him. They have agreed that Harry would take him back to the guest house first to get his suitcase and then to the set to say goodbye to Zayn and get his own car.

The meeting with Harry wasn't as horrible as expected. Not horrible because of Harry, but because of the awkward tension that would have been a normal result of the way they once fell apart. Louis has no idea how Harry had managed to make his uncomfortableness fade after a while. The fact that he could is making him both confused and scared as shit. Their playful banter came back way to easily.

Although he told Harry that the reason for his appearance was Zayn's persistence, this isn't the whole story. Zayn never would have forced him to go if he really didn't want to. The thing that actually made him give in is a question that had arisen in his head on their way back from the wedding.

Why on earth would Harry want to talk to him after all he has done? No one, not even a soul as noble as Harry, should want to be kind to the person that broke their heart in the cruellest way possible. If anything, Louis would be in the position of running after him and begging for his forgiveness. Which he would never do, for their own good.

The fact that this encounter was a one-off is giving Louis a feeling of relief and something else that he can't quite describe. If he didn't know better, he would think that it is the dull hunch, which comes with the realisation that something you've been lacking was given back to you just to be taken from you again in the next moment.

The uneasy feeling in his stomach increases on their way to the set. Louis knows that a goodbye is coming, and he has no idea what to say or do. He can tell from Harry's knitted eyebrows that he is taut as well. Right now, Louis would prefer throwing himself out of the driving car just to avoid their farewell.

When Harry parks the car not far from the trailers on set, Louis knows he has missed this opportunity. He also won't be able to stare out of the windscreen and ignore Harry's gaze for the next three hours. His breath hitches in his throat when Harry finally speaks up.

"So, that's it I guess..."

Louis nods slowly, looking down at his sweaty hands.

"Thank you," Harry says quietly, and Louis lifts his head in surprise, gazing over at him.

For what, he wants to ask, but the words are stuck in his throat. Why is Harry thanking him? It's not like he has done anything noble – he doesn't even deserve Harry's attention. Maybe he's kidding him, secretly blaming him. Louis searches his eyes for a hint of reproach, but he can't find any.

Before he can find his voice again, Harry gets out of the car and opens the boot, pulling out the suitcase. Louis quietly steps beside him and watches Harry as he places his luggage on the ground. The boot closes with a click and Harry turns around to look at Louis. They stand there in silence for moment, gazing at each other until Louis averts his eyes.

"Goodbye, Harry," he says quietly, bending down to grab his suitcase.

"Lou...?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I give you a hug?" Harry mumbles shyly.

Louis' hand stops inches above the handle. He slowly straightens up again, swallowing hard as he's looking at Harry with wide eyes. The other man seems to get uncomfortable under his stare, flush creeping on his cheeks when he averts his gaze. Just as he opens his mouth, probably to apologise, Louis reacts before he even realises what he's doing.

"Yeah... if you want to."

Harry is caught off guard by Louis' sudden response but nods his head. He hesitantly steps closer until he is standing directly in front of him. He lifts his arms and carefully wraps them around Louis' shoulders. He doesn't hold him tight, probably not to seem intimidating, but still gently pulls him closer. Louis' body tenses at the contact, not moving a muscle, but eventually relaxes slightly when he can feel Harry's body warmth seep softly through his skin.

Louis allows himself to sink into the hug a little. It feels good to be held for once, to not be the one who always has to hold others. He even dares to gingerly place his arms around Harry's waist, giving it a gentle squeeze before eventually pulling away. Harry loosens the embrace and let his arms drop to his side. His gaze lingers on Louis' face for another moment before he looks to the ground, stepping away from him. Louis lets out a shaky breath before bending down to finally grab his suitcase. He keeps his head low as he straightens up and slowly turns around.

"Goodbye, Lou," he hears Harry say quietly behind him. He only hesitates for a second before continuing his way to Zayn's trailer.

Once he has reached it, he taps his finger against the door, waiting for a reply. Zayn could be anywhere around the set. Actually, the chance of finding him here is relatively small. Louis doesn't know how long he can stand here, staring at the closed door before him, without having to turn around and face the awkward moment of looking back at Harry who's probably still watching him. Just as he's gearing up for the embarrassment, Zayn suddenly appears in the door frame.

"Sorry, was on the loo," he says, giving Louis an apologetic smile that falters quickly when he sees his distraught appearance. "You alright?"

"Yeah, just let me in already," Louis replies, pushing past his friend and inside.

He hears the door click behind him when Zayn shuts it. Louis places his suitcase on the floor and reaches for one of the water bottles on the table. He can see Zayn show up in the corner of his eye, plopping down on one of the camping seats.

"How was it?"

"Quite okay, I guess," Louis tells him after a second of thinking. He is not sure how much he is willing to tell Zayn.

"He's nice," his friend states in this moment. "He doesn't seem to be resentful, other than you... you know, because of your fight."

Louis doesn't like the look Zayn is giving him. It somehow tells him that he doesn't completely buy Louis' version of events. He can't blame him, though. It was a lie, no way of denying that. Anyways, now that he has started with it, the only thing he can do is getting on with it.

"He has never been one to carry a grudge against people – always very kind, you know. And I'm not resentful. It's just... I made a decision back then."

"You never wanted to see him again?"

Louis nods.

"So he must have hurt you very much...," he mumbles, more to himself.

"Actually, it was me," Louis says after a moment. "I did something unforgivable."

"What? But – I don't get it. You cut off contact because you hurt him? And now he is the one who's asking for remission? I – it's..."

"It's complicated, okay?" Louis snaps at him, more harshly than intended. "Sorry. But... it really is."

"You know you can always talk to me about anything, do you?" Zayn continues, more gently this time.

Louis nods, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger, sighing deeply. "I know. And I appreciate that. But some things-"

"Yeah, I know... Some things have to be figured out alone," Zayn says softly, patting Louis' shoulder. "Where is he anyway?"

"Probably at his mother's again. He took me here and we said goodbye."

"Are you going to... you know, meet again? Trying to rebuild your friendship?" Zayn asks carefully.

Louis just shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know to be honest. Actually, I hope not... Today has been so confusing."

Zayn nods sympathetically, although Louis doubts that he really understands. Which is probably not that bad, altogether. He just hopes that this topic is now dropped and that he will finally be able to put this chapter behind himself.