The First Fallen Soul (English Version)

Chapter 4 : Chara's despair

Warning: This chapter may contain themes that you find disturbing (such as misfortune, suicide attempts, injuries, post-traumatic stress...) so if you are easily disturbed, I do not recommend reading this chapter. Don't worry, there won't be any of that in the following chapters, you will be able to read without fear. Thank you for heeding this warning!

Night had just fallen upon the Underground, and Chara had slipped into her new bed. She still couldn't get to sleep. Her day had gone pretty well, Dr. Gaster had been very nice to her, and Toriel was looking after her until she woke up. Chara, alone in her bed, was staring at the roof, unable to sleep as she was too busy thinking.

In the next bed, Asriel, her best friend, was deeply asleep, unsuspecting, with an innocent smile on his lips. Chara's arrival seemed to have deeply changed him, he seemed to feel so alone with the other monsters of his age... within Chara, he had finally found understanding and affection. How could such an adorable and sensitive being be so lonely? Asriel had everything for him, though... loving and present parents, all the toys and cakes he wanted... but since he met Chara, it was as if his life had changed completely. This human had almost become his model. Chara was very smart and resourceful, and Asriel admired her for it.

Chara continued to think, lost in her thoughts. She began to think about her old memories on the surface and her sister Patience whom she had left behind that night... how could she? She knew very well that Patience wouldn't say anything, but... the guilt was eating away at her. Patience wouldn't deserve to live hiding such a huge lie... Patience, alone, unhappy on the surface... while she, the red-eyed demon, lived happily in the Underground surrounded by people who were far too kind to her?

This thought seemed unbearable to Chara. Chara pushed her head violently into the blanket as if she was trying to choke herself. Because of her, the life of her sister and her family had been ruined, and the monsters had shown her mercy she didn't deserve!

Chara: I hate... myself... I hate myself so much! I just don't deserve... to live! Why didn't I die... when I fell?

The Chara wailed, being careful not to wake Asriel.

Chara slid slowly out of bed as if she was trying to do something... something wrong. Her bare feet landed on the carpet, and she fumbled as she tiptoed her way out of the room. Chara was looking at Asriel sleeping peacefully with a smile that hid her sadness. She stopped for a moment on the doorstep..., devastated by what she was going to do... but her mind was already made up. Chara whispered in a breath:

Chara: Goodbye, Azzy... forgive me, I'll never forget you... you've been a great friend, but... I can't go on like this, right? I'm far too unforgivable to live anymore.

Silently, Chara sneaked of the room trembling... her frail body was shuddering, and the fear of waking someone deadened her with every step. Chara knew for the good of all, she had to commit the irreparable... The little human walked silently, fumbled in the dark... She wouldn't turn on the lights, if she did she'd be instantly noticed, and didn't want that. She tiptoed through the living room, delicately placing her feet on the floorboards and praying that they wouldn't creak too much under her weight... A few squeaks startled her and she was petrified... she waited... before silently resuming again.

After crossing the hallway and the dining room... Chara went instinctively to the kitchen...

Chara: I'd need something sharp... something sharp enough to...

Chara didn't finish that thought, for sobs would come to block the end of her sentence. Just the thought of it horrified and scared her so much! But Chara had to stay determined... by dying, she would save everyone, and at least Dr. Gaster could make much better use of her soul against the human garbage on the surface... even if it meant killing herself.