Unexpected

45.

2 weeks later

I always hated change but this time i didn't really care. Things changed for the better.

We were all still grieving from my mom's dead but happiness had slowy returned in the house.

We visit mom's grave every weekend and sometimes even more. I used to do that with my dad but eventually i didn't need to see him that often. The same would happen with my mother, every day visits turn into weekly ones and those turn into monthly ones.

I've kept my promise with Ashton and got therapy. We both agreed that it best that he wouldn't be my therapist. A nice old lady named Helga was my therapist now and she was the best.

On Helga advice Ashton took me to a therapy group where people of all age groups talked about their struggle with suicide but also about how to deal with the loss of others.

I was scared and embarrassed at first because i thought that i was weak for feeling like that. Ahston and the people showed me that wasn't true. I still have a long way to go but I'm slowly getting better at being happier.

Soon summer would end and i would have to face the harsh reality that was called highschool again. But thank god i had Maddy to be there for me.

She knew about everything that had happened and was nothing but supportive. She always made sure that i was all right, we hang out more than usual and she almost called every night.

I'm currently sitting in my room with my guitar in my lap. I've been focusing more in my music now that there was no one to complain that i was being to loud. The guys were nothing bit supportive when it came to music.

I layed my notebook down, i was trying to write my own song but i just couldn't find the right chords that matched the words.

I stood up walked downstairs where i saw Jack sitting in the living room. He looked very focused as he was writing something down.

"What are you doing?" I aksed Jack.

"Writing a letter to mom. Ashton said that it will make me miss her less."

"And does it help?"

He nodded. "You should try it."

I sat down next to him and grabbed a piece of paper with a pen.

My pen floated above the paper, i didn't know where to start.

Michael entered the kitchen. Jack showed him proudly the letter that he had been writing.

"Looks good, buddy." Michael said with a smile to him.

I ignored Michael and tried to focus on my own letter.

"You can also write one for your dad." Michael whispered from behind me.

I looked at him and gave him a smile. He was right, i didn't have anything to say to my mom anymore so i decided to write one for my dad.

Dear dad,

It's been almost 2 weeks since mom died. It was really hard at first for me, Jack and for the guys. I guess that you don't know who I'm referring to but that doesn't matter. I'm in good hands, I'm surrounded by people who love and support me.

I go to therapy now and that really helps but i still miss you and mom. I sometimes still have the feeling that mom is still around. It's the worst feeling to realise that she isn't her anymore. I hope that she's just like you in a better place.

I'm learning that change isn't a bad thing. It may seem stupid but i cut my hair after 5 years of growing it out. I know that you hate short hair but i kinda like it.

It's weird to write to you. I want to know how you are doing and what you've been up to but you can't reply. You probably can't even read this. 

I used to think that your dead was my fault but i no longer believe that. I was nobody's fault. Some bad things just happen to people who don't deserve it. You didn't deserve to leave your life behind but it still happend.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I just want to let you know that I'm still thinking about and that i love you.

Love- Becky

I put my pen down and looked at the words that had just written. It felt good to let those feelings out even it was just on paper.

"What now?" I aksed Jack.

He shrugged. "You can do anything you want with it. I always make them into paper planes and trow out of the window in the attic."

I thought about it for second but i then decided that i didn't want anyone to ever read this note.

I folded it up and trew it in the candle that was on the table.

Jack stopped writing and looked at the buring piece paper.

We both stayed quiet as we watched my words disappear.

When the note had vanished i felt happy. I was in a better place and nothing was going to change that.

"You guys ready for dinner?" Ashton asked to us when he walked into the living room.

"Yeahh." Jack shouted enthusiastic as he jumped off his chair.

Ashton smiled at his excitement and turned back around to following Jack into the kitchen.

"Ash?"

"Yeah?" He asked turning back around.

I stood up and gave him the biggest hug.
"I love you." I whispered to him.

"Where did i deserve this?" He said laughing.

I shrugged and smiled. "Just felt like it."

A big smile appeared on his face. "I love you too."

      
                             The end