Unexpected

42.

I sat up and rubbed my head. I was tired, tired of everything.

Luke carefully sat down next to me on bed.

"What happend?" He asked knowing exactly what happened.

"Anxiety attack." I said as looked at him with a tired face.

"What happend before you stormed upstairs?"

I shrugged. I didn't want him to know what my mom had said to me. "Nothing out of the ordinary. The reason that i freaked out probably due the fact that my mom is literally dying right next to us."

He nodded and gently placed his hand on my knee. "You can talk to me or any of the guys if you want to. I know that is this a scary thing but talking about it helps."

I gave him a small smile. "Thank you."

He sighed and got up. "You coming for dinner?"

I shook my head. "I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted."

He nodded. "I understand, sleep well."

I woke up with a horrible headache.

I thought that after a few hours the words would disappear my brain but they never did.

They kept me up all night and were still there when i woke up. What if she was right? What if everyone would be happier if i was the one that disappeared?

I pached back and forth in my room until I suddenly felt completely calm. My brain had made an decision.

"Where are you going?" Michael asked when he saw me putting my shoes on.

"I'm going on a walk to get some air."

"What time will you back?"

I froze. I didn't plan to be back at all.

"Uhm I'll be back in 2 hours max." I said nervously.

"Okay, keep your phone location on. See you in 2 hours." He said before i shut the door behind me.

I felt weird like i had swallowed a rock but i couldn't stop now.

My mind slowly emptied itself as i walked to the bridge. It was like all my thoughts were gone. All that was left was silence and peace.

I stopped walking once i saw the bridge. I had passed it many times with the car but it looked so different today.

I walked the edge and looked down, it was a lot higher than i thought i was. There was no possibility that i would survive this fall but then again i wasn't trying to survive it.

I didn't see a single person which was exactly what i wanted.

I took my phone out of my pocket and layed it down in the edge. I didn't want to take it down with me. Something of me had to stay behind.

I stepped on the edge and closed my eyes.

Just when i felt my body prepair for the fall my phone rang.

I opened my eyes and looked at the ringing phone that was laying in the egde next to me, Ashton was calling me.

I hesitated. Was this a sign? Or should i ignore it?

Something deep down know that this was all wrong. I listened to that small voice and stepped of the ledge.

"Hello?" I said with a shaky voice as i picked up.

"It's..it's your mom-" He paused, not knowing what else to say.

"- I'm sorry, it was unexpected." He spoke before he started crying again.

"It wasn't, we just didn't want it to happen." I said softly.

"We need you home, Jack needs you." He said with a raspy voice.

"I'm coming home. I..i just need a few more mintues." I said trying to hold back my tears.

I hang up the phone. I put my hand infront of mouth, trying to stop myself from crying. I needed to strong for Jack. I needed to put my saddness away.

I took a deep breath and whiped my tears away. The words of my mom had finally left.

I stood up and walked home without looking back.

I opened the door and saw everybody sitting in the livingroom. Ashton was crying as he held Jack close to him.

Jack looked up when he heard me close the door. Without any hesitation he ran towards me and jumped into my arms.

I hugged him as thight as possible as i was fighting my tears.

"She's gone." Jack said crying.

"I know." I said softly.

"I want her back." He said desperate.

I stroked his hair. "She's still looking out for us. Just from a different place." I said trying to comfort him.

He looked up at me for a second.

I poited to his heart. "She will always be there."

He shook his head. "I want her here."

"Me too." I said as i heard my voice break.

I just held him while he slowly calmed down.

I picked him up and carried him to his room while Ashton followed behind me.

I put Jack down in his bed and waited for him to fall asleep.

"You okay?" I whispered to him once Jack had closed his eyes.

"No at least not now. It was quite a shock for me, for all of us. We all thought that she had longer."

I layed my hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay. She can finally rest and so can we."