Mikasa es tu casa (Attack On Titan One-shots)

LEVI HEICHOU

TCH. TCH. TCH.

"Hey look, it's everyone's favorite short angry man!" Hanji Zoe yells as I walk into the meeting room. All I can hear is laughter and my already bad mood darkens.

"Tch. I can't believe I have to spend my mornings putting up with you ass clowns." I mutter as I take my seat next to Hanji.

"Hey Levi, are you ready to start arranging our next expedition???" Hanji said excitedly.

"Ah. I'm about ready to get it over with. Dealing with these damn titans gets tiring." I didn't like making conversation in the mornings too much until I've had my tea, but Hanji is one of the only people I can call friend here in the Survey Corps. Speaking of tea...

"Oi fucktard, yeah you standing nervously in the corner." I spoke to a young recruit standing as though he didn't wanna be seen at the end of the room by the door. He had white hair and an eyepatch. I figured he wasn't here just so he could stare at our pretty faces.

"Hey get me a cup of tea would ya? I can't think straight in the mornings without it. Nice and hot please, and just, fuckin, dump some sugar in there. Go wild. Thank you." I watched him salute and say in a shaky voice, "Yes sir!" And then he scampered off.

I returned my attention back to the table where commander Erwin was talking. His eyebrows were on fucking point, if on point meant bigger and thicker than fucking Wall Maria. Hanji was busy humming a tune to herself and drawing titan anatomy on some paper she had in front of her, so I had little choice but to listen.

"... New recruits are definitely going to be helpful as we are constantly suffering major losses in numbers. I believe we can lessen soldier casualties with our 'secret weapon' so to speak, Eren Jaeger."

Tch. Eren. That brat was dumped onto me first chance they got. Well sort of. I offered to beat the shit out of him if he acted up. And I did.

"COMMANDER YOU CALLED FOR ME!!!!!" Speak of the devil. Eren was currently locked into a salute as he had suddenly materialized in the room at the mention of his name. And behind him was the eyepatch guy with my tea. Score.

"Calm down, brat. And thanks for the tea." The recruit nods his head and shuffles back against the wall. I slowly bring the cup to my lips and take a sip. Woah. Wait. "Holy shit." I murmur. I hurriedly take a deep drink from the cup.

"What the...." This tea.... it's.... Its...
"This is the best fuckin tea I've ever had in my life." It actually tastes somewhat like coffee, but I don't even care, it's too insanely good for me to care. I jolt out of my chair and stand straight up.

"I feel like a million bucks! I could do anything! That tea was hella fuckin awesome! What the fuck is wrong you, guy?" I squint at the dude who made my tea. He looks at me kinda funny. I keep squinting, but then nod.

"Whatever's wrong with you, I LOVE IT! I could kill like, a hundred fuckin titans right now! Let's go bang or something, Hanji." I say determinedly. This tea was unreal.

I suddenly hear a chattering. A chittering. Shaking. I look over and see Eren twitching and shaking like a leaf.

".... Did you sayy... TTTIIIIITTTAAAANSSS?!?!?!?" He looks up with angry smeared on his face. Shit.

"TITANS ARE MY TRIGGER! LETS GO KILL TITANS!!" He thrusts his arm into the air and then dramatically brings his hand to his face and bites down really hard. Dumb shit. That would probably hurt like a bitch.

"AHAHAAARRRGGHHH" he yells as a strike of lighting somehow comes down in the room and his titan explodes into existence. The walls are no more, and the ceiling lies at our feet. I look up at the sky and smirk. I grab my magic tea and slurp the whole thing down in one massive gulp.

"AHHH!!!" I can feel power flowing through me! Something was about to happen, I could feel it. Hanji, who was standing just a few feet from me, yells in fear. Huh? What is she suddenly afraid of? Surely not Eren titan.

"L-Levi, your eyes! Y-your pupils!" She points at me like she expects me to just look at my own eyes.

"What? What is it?" I say.

"What the fuck?? They're black and your pupils are red!" She shouts.

"AHAHRHFFHHHGHHH!!!!" Eren is yelling and stepping out of the rubble of what used to be this building. I can't let that fucker go out and rampage out of Titan anger. And, and looking at his fleshy form, I feel something else.... I feel... hungry.

I immediately shoot off after him, and holy shit! I'm running at inhuman speed and approaching Eren rapidly. I'm wingin' this shit, and I jump as high as I can and I'm surprised to get very close to Eren's titan backside. Oh shit, his flesh looks appetizing as hell. I jump up again and I want to attack him to slow down, and suddenly something shoots from my back, from the spot by my shoulder blades. This thing coming from my back shoots dozens of crystalline shard-like projectiles at Eren's butt.

"Aaarxhxhhxx what the effffffff?" Eren roars.

HA HA HA!! The flesh is within reach! There's nothing stopping me from just taking a bite!!! I reach my hands out and open my mouth ready to dig in while still attacking with my kagune
(I don't know how I knew that) as I close in on his butt from my fall in the air.

CHOMP!

Flesh! It tastes unlike anything I've ever had! Wait what the... IM EATING ERENS ASS!?!?

"YOOO U JUST TOOK A BITE OUTTA MY ASS, HEICHOU. DUDE, SORRY I TRANSFORMED WITHOUT PERMISSION, JEEZ!!" He leaps up with a yelp and I land hard on my back, the kagune gone. Ouch.

"Ahhh... that hurt." I mutter.

"Levi! Levi!" Hanji rushes over with Mike, Erwin, and the eye patched recruit who gave me tea.

"This guy gave you the super tea. How'd you do it ya little shit?" She has this kid by the collar, and she shakes him violently.

"Ah, ow, sorry! Alright I'll talk." The guy says.

"My name is Kaneki Ken, and I'm from Tokyo. I'm also a Ghoul."

What the fuck is a Ghoul?

"Oh god. This... This can't be." Erwin pinches the bridge of his nose as he speaks.

"Well, fuck me. We've encountered the most dangerous and stupid story concept ever," Erwin stops to dramatically look at the audience, breaking the fourth wall.

"An anime crossover."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I don't ask for much, but at this point I ask for forgiveness of my literary sins. This terrible idea already started out bad in my head, but it was 10 times worse writing it out.

Well it's too late I'm publishing it! This book isn't meant to be serious so chill.

Sorry for my awful ships and even worse writing.

Sorry for that.