ALWAYS

IX

Why...? What's wrong... is he really dead...? But why did they need to keep it if it won't cause anything...? She thought... but what 'his' mother told her next made her heart almost stop.

"The truth is... he should have been your husband now... if he didn't left home three years ago maybe he's the one who's with you right now... but then he left... because he couldn't take being told... his father and him always argue back then until one day he just disappeared... Jungkook had always been looking up to his brother... admiring his strong will... and when his brother left... Jungkook felt really depressed about it... and there he started to change... adding up were those responsibilities that supposed to be for his brother..."

She was left in awe... everything was not suppose to happen after all... thinking

that if she married his brother, would her life turn out like this...? Would he be like Jungkook...? But then.... Thinking that his brother doesn't like responsibilities... maybe there wouldn't be a change after all... just like her mother-in-law said.

She truly stole a part of Jungkook's life... another responsibility that he must abide to... another suffering that would slowly ruin his life.

"But I am really happy that our Jungkook got to meet someone like you... if by any chance he hurt or offended you... please just do understand him... maybe he's just tired of everything that has been happening... I know you are just forced in this marriage... but I really like you dear... and I hope that in no time you could adjust in your new life now... me and my husband and especially Jungkook are all just here when you need us... I'm sure that by having you with Jungkook would help him ease his stress..."

His mother then smiled at her... she reached for Rosé's face and caressed it... tucking her loose hair behind her ears... she felt so loved by his parents... as if she's really their child... and that love added to her last hope...

"We're sorry if he is sometimes cold to you or uncomfortable... please just bear with him for a while... I'm sure he's also in the midst of adjusting himself..."

All Rosé could do was to give a weak smile... nodding to every of her words and agreeing to stay by her child's side... attending to his needs as his wife... maybe it's her turn to carry those responsibilities even if it cause her own happiness... and her own freedom.

[End of flashback]

Still staring at the ceiling... she thought that those tears earlier were just to wash out the selfishness and sadness that she feels... even it's not enough to wash all the agony she feels in her marriage... at least it lessened the pain.

Thinking that if she's married to his brother, would she be crying outside earlier...? Would she be wishing that she should never exist...? And would she feel every torment that Jeon Jungkook has been giving to her life...? Maybe she still would...

She shifted her position... now facing his back... she watched how his side heaved up and down as he breathes... he shouldn't be the one on her side by now... he should be with the one he loves right now... and maybe he should be happy having his freedom by now...

"I'm sorry..."

Her weak voice reverberated to the silence of the night... not really waiting for a reply but just to let out what she really feels... how could she be selfish thinking that she's the only one hurting... maybe she's a fool to apologize to someone who made her life miserable... but thinking that he too had that life made her feel sorry for him.

She sighed once again... she somehow wanted to reach for him... tell him that she now understands him... but she can't... that she would be the last person he would want a pity from...