Empty.

63 - Taunting Mothers & Top Five

I grabbed my assignment and stuffed it into my bag. I tried to figure out if I had left out anything I needed for the day ahead. I was exhausted. Mentally. My mind was not in the best place and it was tearing me apart even though I tried to ignore it.

I made my way down the stairs to see my mother at the kitchen counter. In seeing her face it dawned on me that I had totally forgot about the parent - teacher meeting. When I entered the kitchen a feeling of nervousness took over my body. I tried to prepare myself for what was about to happen.

I felt whatever my mother was about to say could not make me feel any more worse than I was already feeling.

"Morning mom",I greeted her with a small smile as I headed to the fridge so I could grab a breakfast bar.

"Morning Mia"

She said my name and I knew how serious it was about to get. I wanted to click fast forward so I could skip past everything. I opened the refrigerator and scanned the contents.

"How was the meeting?", I took a deep breath and then spoke.

"Mr Porter was excited to speak with me",she said as she stood up from her seat at the kitchen counter.

I smiled not knowing how to respond.

"Although he said your performance last semester was horrendous",she said and her facial expression turned sour.

I grabbed the first energy bar I saw and closed the fridge as I turned to face my mother.

"Mom..."

"Mia",she sighed. "I don't know how to help, this isn't you Mia. This isn't the Mia I know, what happened?"

"Dad died, that's what happened,mom."

"Your father's passing can't be your excuse for everything, Mia",she shook her head.

"I don't ever use dad as an excuse but I should get some lenience shouldn't I? It haunts me everyday!"

"I was just as close to him as you were",she said as a tear appeared at the corner of her eye.

"I know,mom. I know you love him just as much as I do but it seems like you're dealing with this much better than I am",I looked at the floor.

"I'm not honey, I'm just trying to heal and you see that's your problem. You're too focussed on other people in your life and you tend to neglect yourself",she placed her hands on my shoulders.

"What do you mean?"

"I can see all the stress you're under, it shows on your face. You're too worried about pleasing everyone",she laughed and shook her head.

"I don't know anymore", I brought my hand to my face and moved away from her so I could breathe easier.

"Sometimes it's okay not to know. If it's meant to be it will be hermosa",my mother's words were drenched in wisdom and I welcomed them.

"I just feel so lost and I know if he were here he would have the solutions to all my problems",I smiled.

"Like I said before, you have me. Sort of a cheap knock off of your father, so let's work together. Whatever's wrong we'll try to fix it. Starting with those disgraceful grades",she smiled.

"I'm never going to hear the end of this grades story am I?", I laughed and moved toward her to hug her.

"No no Missy, you will get love once those grades get raised",she waved a finger in my face.

"You're depriving me of motherly love?", I asked shocked.

"Exactly baby",she smiled once more.

"I'm going to raise those grades so high they're going to go through the roof!",I exclaimed.

"Does that mean you're going to make top five?",she questioned with the raise of an eyebrow.

"Top five?", I asked feeling my mouth go dry.

Each year the five most academically successful students in each grade got recognized. At the graduation ceremony for the seniors they would be presented with awards. It was not open to the freshmen though. The school council said it would be too much pressure on the young kids,also they didn't want to cater for extra people at the ceremony so cutting an entire grade out was the smart thing to do. The year that past would have been the year I got my first award with Yoko but when my father passed I stayed home for a while and absenteeism put my grade point average in jeopardy. It was disappointing for me but I took it with a pinch of salt because losing the top five wasn't the biggest thing I had lost that year.

"Yes hermosa, are you going to make top five this year?"

I looked at my mother, the smile on her face growing every second. She loved when she had the chance to show her daughter off. She loved to brag about me, she always said that I was her greatest accomplishment. That is why when things like me doing bad in school came up it hit her hard. She also looked at me as a chance to show her family that she was better than them. Like I said, we don't interact with my mother's side of the family besides uncle Marlon of course. As the image of me standing up on that stage next to Yoko receiving my award while my mother screamed for me flashed in my head I opened my mouth to speak.

"Yes, yes I am going to make top five this year."