Empty.

Chapter 31-Religion & Rebellion

The sound of sweet hymns filled my ears and I closed my eyes. I allowed myself to feel the serene atmosphere. The soulful aura of the place I was in was so powerful that I felt as if I wasn't even bearing any pain.

Church was a big part of my life. I didn't feel embarrassed that I was spiritual and I definitely didn't feel like it made me weak. If anything it made me stronger. We were at church every Sunday. My parents were well known and so every week my mother and I would colour code our dresses and my dad would wear a complimenting suit.
We always sat in the third row and I paid attention,carefully taking down detailed notes in my small handwriting as the man of God preached.
My mother gave me that Gift, the gift of knowing that God was on my side and that I could do anything if I believed because my strength came from him.
When I was younger I didn't understand it much but as I grew I began to realise what it was all about. My parents gave me the freedom to make my own decisions. They allowed me to go to parties, to go out with my friends. Told me if I wanted to drink I was allowed to as long as I knew my limit. I did none of those things of course, except the occasional girls outing with Penelope and Yoko. I always did what was right and what was right in the eyes of God because of course I didn't want to upset him.
The fear of God I had was quite evident, that was until my father died. When my father died I hated God, I really did,I didn't go to church for a while and when I finally did,it took a lot for me to,from then I sat in the last row against the window.The first time I went back was to ask God why he did what he did. I got nothing.
My mother made me understand that God never intended to hurt us. That's when I asked God to forgive me if I had offended him or behaved wrongly. I had changed, but I accepted that it was for the better.

The choir stopped singing and Pastor Luke concluded the sermon, by inviting everyone to intercede in prayer with him and stay afterwards for refreshments. I made my way out of the row of seats and headed to the doorway.

"Lovely to see you Mia", someone placed there hand on my arm stopping me from exiting.
It was Pastor Luke's wife,she was wearing the most elegant lilac dress.
" Miss Olivia, how are you? "
"I'm blessed my love and how are you? How's mom?", she asked pleasantly.
" She's okay thanks, the service was interesting today", I replied moving toward the door.
"She should really join us soon, I saw your aunt here, she's around here somewhere", Olivia looked around the room.
" I'll let her know, good to see you", I said making my way out.
I walked down the pebbled pathway to the front gate of the church grounds.
"Leaving without saying hello to your favourite cousin? "
I turned to see Rafael with a cigarette in between his fingers.
"Smoking on the church grounds? What would Jesus say? ", I shrugged going toward him.
" Like you even know Jesus", he laughed placing the lit cigarette between his lips and inhaling deeply.
"You're one to talk, I bet he doesn't even know you", I rolled my eyes as I hugged him. He exhaled, blowing smoke into my face. I fake coughed and waved away the smoke.
"You deserve that. Why haven't you been around lately?", Rafael asked raising an eyebrow at me.
" I've been busy, mom's back at work so yeah", I replied.
"Nah, it's not just that. You have a boyfriend now don't you? ", Rafael smiled at me.
" What? Raf, you're crazy", I laughed.
"You can't lie to me, I know people in your school, in fact my new girlfriend is in your school. I already know the guy you've been hitting it up with", he shrugged giving me a smile.
" New girlfriend?You mean new girlfriend for this week? "
"Don't change the topic of discussion. I didn't give you the go ahead to be with a new douche."
"I don't have to get your approval you know."
"Actually you do."
"Go away", I tried to shut him up.
" Be careful, I don't want you getting hurt. You're my blood, and we stick together always right? "
"Right", I replied with a smile.
" Oh and would you keep an eye on my new girlfriend for me? Her name's Tiki. "
"Ouch, she's probably really hot because her name isn't", I laughed.
" Shut up Grace", he teased.
"At least I'm amazing."
"Amazing Grace, I get it. So smart", he said sarcastically.