Want Me Back [JenLisa]

thirty three

"Okay," she answered, still sobbing.

"I really need to go..." Lisa said hesitantly.

Jennie hummed. She didn't hear anything except Lisa's heavy breathing before the latter finally hung up.

She didn't even realize she was gripping the phone so tight. Putting it down gently, she brought her knees up to her chest and buried her face on it, rocking herself as she tried not to cry harder.

She knew things have changed between them. She's accepted it long before she didn't know that they could have a second chance, but now that she's actually working for that second chance, these changes are scaring her.

It's okay, maybe she really was just busy-even tonight. It's okay. We'll talk on Monday, she'll keep her word. It's okay, maybe Hee Jin was just there to visit her.

Her heart dreaded on the fact that she's had to wait until Monday just to see her and talk to her again. She could call Lisa again this weekend, or even drop by her place, she knows.... but she's afraid to act based on impulse.

She clearly hated herself for being unable to adapt well on these changes, the way Lisa has changed. She shouldn't wish to be Lisa's priority again, she knew she doesn't deserve it. Not anymore. Before, Lisa would drop everything just to be there when she's miserable, or when Lisa just misses her. It's unhealthy for Lisa to always put her above everything, especially when Jennie chose to leave her and broke her heart after everything Lisa has done for her.

The guilt just made her cry even harder.

She didn't even knew she fell asleep with dried tears on her face until she was woken up by the doorbell. She looked at the wall clock which reads 10:15PM.

She knew she looks like a mess but had no energy to fix her look and just went for the door like a walking zombie.

What she didn't expect was to see a tall, beautiful blonde, staring right back at her with the most serious eyes she has ever seen.

She was suddenly wide awake, her heart beating loudly against her chest the longer she stared at Lisa, wondering if she really was there or her eyes were just deceiving her.

"Lisa, what... what are you doing here?"

"Three days is too long," she said breathlessly, making my heart ache for her as she stepped inside.

Her hands found their way to my waist, pulling me closer while she leaned closer, our lips almost touching as she pursed her lips to speak, "I know I'm confusing you with all these mixed signals, but I'm confused with myself too, Jennie."

Her intense gaze softened when I placed my hands on her jaw, "But you still came to me... here, right now. That's what's important," I whispered, a lump slowly forming on my throat.

Something glistened in Lisa's eyes, but before she could focus on it, warm, soft lips were already pressing on hers, making her lose her mind while her arms wrapped on the blonde's nape.

The kiss was delicate, sweet and slow. It made her insides turn giddy, but her need for Lisa made her want to deepen the kiss, only that Lisa quickly pulled away before it became more heated.

"I'm not here to sleep with you, Jen."

The brunette felt her cheeks flush but more than embarrassment, she suddenly felt so little, so worthless with Lisa's words, making her look down on herself. Did she act so desperate to make Lisa say it out loud?

Lisa's hands were quick to lift her gaze back up, though. And with Lisa's remorseful eyes, she stroked Jennie's cheek gently with her thumb, "Baby, I didn't mean... I..."

Lisa was obviously lost for words, while Jennie's mind was lost on the way Lisa called her that again.

"I just don't want you to think that I came for the sex. I didn't want you to think that way when I left the last time while you were asleep," Lisa explained softly against her lips, their noses touching, "But it was hard for me to stay, surprisingly harder than it was to leave you alone."

"I understand..."

"No, Jennie. I was hurt and I wanted to inflict the same pain to you," a single tear came strolling down her cheeks while she held Jennie's face, "I wanted to forget you. "

Pain flashed through Jennie's eyes, "Is that why you were with Hee Jin? Did something happen-"

"God, no, Jennie," Lisa was quick to answer, "We were supposed to go out for a date tonight, though... I didn't know what I was thinking, why I even said yes-"

Jennie really hated how easy it is for her to cry because now she couldn't see Lisa's face clearly with all these tears making her sight blurry.

"-yes to a date that I eventually forgot because I couldn't get you out of my mind, that's why she came to my unit. I took a quick shower before we left and that's when you called."

It doesn't exactly feel like something Jennie would be glad to hear, but Lisa surely has her way of getting through her heart. It pained and pleasured her both at the same time.

What if she didn't call?

Lisa wiped away her tears, kissing her forehead, making her eyes squeeze shut.

The two of them sat side by side on the couch, with Lisa never letting go of Jennie's hands, she brought them up to her lips, kissing both palms gently while looking straight on Jennie's eyes.

"She likes me... Hee Jin," Lisa started off, "I wasn't a saint, I fooled around with lots of girls to try and forget you... but Hee Jin is my business partner and my friend. I couldn't do it to her. I never did show her anything that would give her false hope."

Jennie have heard it from her friends and even Yuri, but hearing Lisa confirm it didn't make it easier for her.

"But you agreed to go out with her tonight?"

"I thought I could," Lisa gave her a smile, "Give her a chance, that is. But I guess I really was just scared to go back to you... but here I was, leaving my supposed date just to run back to you because I couldn't bare to hurt you."

"Lisa..."

"Jennie, I told myself I wouldn't overthink anymore and just let myself go wherever I'm headed-knowing I'll end up crawling back to you. But I also thought once I sleep with you again, maybe it will end there. That I didn't have to overthink and my body was just missing you, but it has always been more than that when it comes to you-I understood it that time I slept with you. That's what scared me. That I would be fine going through any pain you'll give me just to be with you again."

"I'm so sorry," Jennie sobbed. It was the only thing she could say, because it was all she really felt alongside the guilt and the pain.

"I know, baby," Lisa wrapped her arm around the brunette, kissing her temple while muttering, "But as you've said, you're here now... in my arms. That's all that matters."

"I don't want to hurt you again-"

"You won't," Lisa answered, "I won't let you leave again. No one can separate us anymore, Jennie... we'll work things out. Slowly, this time."

"Y-You want me back?" Jennie asked, finding it unbelieve for Lisa to still do-but still, Lisa nodded.

"More than ever."

That made Jennie burst into tears, answering Lisa with a kiss.

She didn't know what she did to deserve Lisa, but knew she would do anything just to make it up for the woman she loves.