Hermitcraft Oneshots

Team Star and Convex

Doc: Don't worry about that. Its just a temporary replacement bush. But please sit down.

Scar: No, we prefer to stand, thank you.

Doc: All right. What do you want?

Cub: What do we want? (Laughs)

Scar: Very funny Doc.

Cub: The doctor's a joker, Scar!

Scar: How about you explain it to him, Cub.

Cub: How many cannons you got on Team STAR?

Doc: About five altogether.

Scar: Five eh?

Cub: You ought to be careful, Doctor!

Doc: We're extremely careful! They aren't aimed towards our base and we check them routinely!

Cub: Things break, don't they?

Doc: Break?

Scar: Well everything breaks, doesn't it? ("accidentally" kicks the bush lying on the floor) Oops.

Cub: We're both very clumsy. And when people don't agree with us, we break things. Like say, we don't think your team is playing fair.

Doc: What is all this about?

Scar: How many people do you have on your team Doc?

Doc: Oh about 6. (Glares at Mumbo) Ren's away currently.

Scar: Only five, Cub.

Cub: (Casually) It'd be a shame if someone were to........blow them up.

Doc: Blow them up?

Scar: (Shrugs) TNT happens.

Cub: Things explode.

Doc: What's all this about?

Cub: My partner and I have got a little proposition for you.

Scar: We could save you a lot of trouble

Cub: I mean you're doing all right here. But.....

Scar: Suppose some of your Cannons were to break and troops started getting lost, fights started breaking out. Y'know.

Cub: It wouldn't be good for business, would it?

Doc: (Slams his hands on his desk and stands up) Are you threatening me?!

Cub: Oh, no, no, no! (backtracking quickly)

Scar: What made you think that?

Cub: He doesn't think we're nice people, Scar.

Scar: We're your friends, Doc.

Cub: We want to help you!

Doc: Help me?

Scar: We can guarantee that nothing will get blown up randomly for the next two weeks for a stack of diamonds.

Doc: No, no, no.

Scar: Half a stack?

Doc: No, no, no.

Scar: Four weeks?

Doc: No, no this is stupid.

Cub: What's stupid?

Doc: No, the whole premise is stupid and it's very badly written. I'm the unofficial team captain here, and I haven't had a funny line yet. So, I'm stopping it.

Cub: You can't do that! (Going through a script and shows Doc a page)

Doc: (Rips the script in half) I've done it. The scene is over.

Mumbo: I want to leave the war please, it's dangerous.

Doc: (To Mumbo) Look, I stopped your scene about five minutes ago. So get out of here! Right director! Close up. Zoom in on me. (camera zooms in) That's better.

Scar: (Off screen) It's only because you couldn't think of a punch line.

Doc: Not true, not true. It's time for something else!

Cub: (Camera zooms in on him) No one's going to understand this, are they?

Doc: (Off screen) Shut up 

Welp, RIP fourth wall. 

(Here is your reminder that this is a joke, don't take it seriously, and if you want me to change something I am happy to have a civil discussion about it. Thanks!)