Arlo

4.

Watching her walk away from me, I thought that would be the hardest part of this; boy, was I wrong. As her best friend, it is my job to support her in whatever she does—unless, I think that it's hurting her. Which is exactly why I had to let her go in the first place; seeing her hurt over my indecisiveness sealed my fate as her friend and only her friend. Now, I'm paying for the choice I made to not open myself up to her. She invited me over, promising wine and dinner, but then she revealed later on that Adonis would be joining. It's been half a year since I let her go; three months since I've returned to check on the club and one week since I've had to see with my own eyes how close she has become with Adonis. She has herself seated in his lap with her feet resting on the cushion beside them, her head is resting on his shoulder while his arms are wrapped around her. "Smiley, wanna play?" she asks, raising a challenging brow at me as she tips her glass to me. "Not tonight, neighbor; I'm pretty exhausted." I lie, feeling sick to my stomach at the way her face falls. Those should be my arms around your waist, my lips pressing to your skin and my whispered words gracing your ears, but they're not. "You're not leaving, are you?" she asks, crawling out of Adonis's lap to kneel beside me. I fight the urge to brush the hair out of her eyes, knuckles sore from how tightly I've got my fists clenched. "Of course not, neighbor. I'm spending the night; you can't get rid of me that easy." I respond, throwing an arm around her shoulders, needing to feel her close to me, again. She tucks her head under my chin, settling in as we continue watching the movie. I still remember the first time we sat like this, I cogitate, the memory surfacing. "See, the dance wasn't so bad, now was it?" I asked her, thinking that this exact shade of yellow makes her look like she's glowing. "No, I guess not." She replied, smiling softly at me. "You're the best, Smiley." She had whispered. I threw my arm over her shoulders, tugging her closer to me. "I'll always be there, neighbor." I promise. She rests her head under my chin, hiding her smile from me. My heart batters against my chest, hammering its way through bone to get closer to where hers sits. I hope that she doesn't feel it, I plead with the universe. We were thirteen and had just gotten home from our first dance; the universe is cruel, I think as I watch Adonis place a soft kiss to her lips before telling her he'd be right back; I never wished more that I could take words back more than in this second as I watch the glittering in her eyes and the soft smile on her face as she watches him walk away. I poke her in the side, earning a light punch to the stomach; "How do you feel about him?" I inquire, forcing the bile to take a U-turn to the route it had just made. She blushes, slightly, and I can feel the acid burning the back of my throat. "I like him." She confesses. I feel my heart shatter into a million little pieces at this confession. "How much?" I force the words out while begging my eyes to remain dry. "I don't really know, he's just great." "Are you dating?" "Not really." "Why not?" "Because I want to wait until I'm sure of it." She answers, looking into my eyes. Please, tell me that you see my pain, my baby, please read in between the lines of my irises, I, silently, beg of her. "But you're heading in that general direction?" she nods her response, a sweet blush on her cheeks and her teeth biting into her lower lip to conceal her smile. "Hey, sweets, I'm gonna head home." He calls to her as he walks back into the living room. She pouts up at him as she makes her way to her feet. "Oh? Why?" she asks, wrapping her arms around his middle. I should be the one with my hands on your lower back, I should be the one spelling a silent love poem with my eyes only for you to read, I should be the one that is leaning in and cupping your jaw for a goodnight kiss; I feel the furious tears building up behind my eyes and the rawness of my bottom lip from the abuse it's taken from my teeth. "Okay, baby love; see you for lunch tomorrow?" she asks, looking up into his eyes as I burn a hole into the floor with my gaze. "Of course, honey bee." He replies, pulling her in close to kiss her. I can hear their tongues dancing together and the wall that my tears are building is about to be smashed to bits to come falling down my face. That could've been my tongue performing that dance with you, that could've been our breath being shared, that could be me, but I wasn't as brave as you. "Alright, baby love, see you tomorrow." She sighs. He chuckles at her feigned despondence before landing a sweet kiss to her cute button nose. "Have the sweetest of dreams, honey." He hums to her, kissing her forehead before walking out. "That was nauseating." I jest, breaking her spell. She rolls her eyes with a chuckle. "Okay, now can we play?" she pleads, dropping herself on to the couch and patting the seat beside her. I roll my eyes, nodding my acquiescence.