Hermitcraft Oneshots

The Joke

(Captain Angry Eyes suddenly appears at the door, helpless with laughter, holding a paper above his head. He collapses and dies.)

<Goodtimeswithscar was slain by VW&bhce6HNJCEr87nqc93)ngncxsjg^wzhrjfc>

Xisuma: It was not long before the G-team became interested in the potential of the Killer Joke. Under top security, the joke was hurried to a meeting at the futuristic blender.

(Cut to water elevator: Cleo comes to attention as Tango hurries in carrying a paper. She follows him up. We hear a mighty roar of laughter and a series of thumps as the G team dies.)

<Joehillssays was slain by seu;'kabertsnjb%^snsrtnaat>

<ZombieCleo was slain by avdkhbr78bhR#$abhj&Bdhvbk>

<TangoTek was slain by berajv;aghne$#>

<Iskall85 was slain by hjerk42#vbhahrKR&*B54Jerajhvket4brt>

<Grian was slain by rqeuacrku9(#785abhjk^avbh(aegbaer6#>

<Stressmonster was slain by qervayukhqern&^yuegbuvwbh245>

<iJevin was slain by vky#%78gbheveabybqaeyu34huusbvhhgf43iq#&>

Xisuma: The members were impressed. Tests on villagers confirmed the joke's devastating effectiveness at a range of up to fifty blocks.

(Distant laughing as Grian looks out a window dramatically)

Grian: Fantastic.

(Cut to a Joe talking to a camera.)

Joe: All through the next week we had translators working, in joke-proof conditions, to try and produce a galactic version of the joke. They worked on one word each for greater safety. Jevin accidentally saw three words of the joke and spent several hours rolling on the floor.  But apart from that things went pretty quickly, and we soon had the joke by the next battle, in a form which we couldn't understand but which Team STAR  could.

(Cut to image of G team members crouched holding pieces of paper with the joke on them.)

Xisuma: So, the joke was first told to the enemy at the end of the ceasefire on January 18th.

Stress(gasping for breath): Tell the ... joke.

Jevin, Tango, and Iskall together:
X╎⨅ ᒷ⋮ᒷ ᑑ!¡⍊ᒲ⚍ᓭ⨅ リʖ𝙹 ↸ᓭ!¡ℸ ̣ ℸ ̣  ⚍╎⎓ ᓭ!¡ʖᒷ
u!¡ ⍑⎓⚍ ⚍!¡ ⚍╎⎓ !¡⚍╎⎓ᓭ ℸ ̣ ⋮ᒷ⎓

(Pan out of the trench across war-torn landscape and come to rest where the STAR Team base is There is a very long pause).

<Docm77 was slain by ds^tgivhf$fcjv>

<Rendog was slain by&;tdhd_%hngy>

<Falsesymmetry was slain by j%&fj:j>

<ImpulseSV was slain by g*)g&bk>