Markers

Chapter 21

A/n: um... trigger warning and mature content.

Warned ya...

"Angel," my head lifted. I was at my desk working on yet another assignment when I looked back at the door. Logan stood proudly before it. He looked tense, shoulders stiff, face hard. His assessment of me was made just as mine had been.

Both of us working to hide what neither could. The truth. His hair was neater than its usual neat placing. A three piece suite gracing him instead of just the slacks and the pristine botton up shirt. Yes, today was a bad day.

How did I look? I hoped like the oblivious house pet. Naively overjoyed with a beautiful house and beautiful things of which I was one. I hope he didn't see the fear and the reservation and the madness.

"Come," I hesitated. For and instance but he noticed and a gleam came to his eyes. I stood and went to him, stopping right in front of him and looking up at him. He touched my face, "strip."

My fingers unbuttoned my shirt that was wrinkled from my mindlessly fiddling with it and I pushed it off me. I thought my heart would be racing, I thought my hands would shake with nerves and that I'd fight to protect... something. What ever it was, it wasn't there any longer.

And the only sensation I felt was emptiness and the cold of being naked. He watched my hands move hungrily. Eyes taking in every new curve and arch. I suppose that's how he ignored the all too familiar deep sadness of me. Those parts of me where old news.

He groaned deeply when he touched my naked shoulder and brought me to him. Our noses kissing, then our lips. His hot hands running along my whole body, "bed."

Control freak that he was, all he had were instructions and constrictions. He kissed me till I lost my breath and touched me to the brink of insanity. Over and over so that he could watch me beg. And I begged.

For the release that my body craved but also to see his eyes spark as I fed his demons.

I begged to see him for what he truly was, to look long and hard so that I never forget. He entered me in one strong push that filled me at the seams. He stopped for a moment after this. Froze, breathes coming out in harsh patches. He leaned into my neck, "fuck fuck fuck."

I took the time to try to adjust to the  girth of him. Then he moved. Slowly at first with deliberation so that I felt every inch of him every centimeter. Then he bit into my neck and drank from me.

Pain and pleasure mixed and I forgot myself. And that was it. The beginning of the end.

I shouldn't but I do. He changed his number I know this but I still do it. In the middle of the day when everyone goes about their business and I am alone. When all my assignments have been written and handed in early with extra credit, I call Drake's phone.

It always goes to voice mail of course but I don't mind. Sometimes I speak and sometimes I don't. I just fill the silence with different silences. Maybe I even wait... for something. When I don't speak.

But other times, when I do speak, I say the first thing that comes to mind. And I say it because I could always do that with Drake. Say anything and he would listen. He made me feel free. Today was a talking day, "the night I lost my virginity ... I... I was such an awkward unlikable girl. I was... full of anger so I don't blame those who couldn't stomach the angery black girl."

I trailed off in thought for a moment. I thought of quiet nights alone. And the suitcase with all my belongings my mother left in front of our front door the day she changed all the locks. One of the few surprises I've had in my whole life was that she didn't like me very much.

More so when I was a whore, and disgraceful, "so.. when this girl from my school invited me a party. I thought, maybe I could be normal. Just for a night you know. Do normal teenage girl things and sneak out the house... have my first drink I... I didn't think..."

The dail tone came and the phone hung up. I listen to it for a while before I hung up too.

I didn't think I'd be drugged and raped. I didn't think my school mates would write 'witch' in big red letters across my forehead...

I put my phone away and covered my body with a fleece quietly. That's the problem, I just didn't think. I was homeless for a little while during the whole feasco.

I was lucky though, lucky my aunt took me in. I moved schools after that and after some time. Much more time than it took one to grow up, I moved on.