TWO BIRDS OF A FEATHER

Point of no return...

Love hurts. More precisely, the feeling of loss of that love does. The loss of trust in that love. The loss of the future one hoped for and prepared for. But what hurts the most is the loss of connection between two hearts yearning for one another...

Sanem stood at the foot of Can's mountain home and could not decide who felt worse: Can because he had learned the truth about her surrendering their scent to Fabri, or whether it was her because she saw Polen by his side. One look at Polen and Sanem knew that Polen was glowing with satisfaction. The sarcastic and over-the-top sophisticated smirk on her lips. The victorious gleam in her eyes. No, Polen wasn't there for Can. She was there for herself and for her own selfish purposes.

The moment Can sensed her, he looked up. Broken hearted and devastated, he still felt connected to Sanem. Whether he was willing to admit it or not. Can realized that Sanem appeared at the very moment that Polen places her hand on his knee. That gesture meant nothing to him since Polen no longer mattered, yet he felf guilty about it because he knew what Sanem would have thought. He was right.  He was also too hurt and too blind to see that Polen seemed to care more about Sanem's presence than his pain.

Deeply affected, Can asked Sanem what she was doing at the mountain house. Faced with the sight of Polen, Sanem replied quietly that she had come to speak with him. Polen picked up on the insecure tone of her voice, and spared no time in overemphasizing the fact that she was getting ready to claim Can back for herself. She used her words decisively, and advised Sanem that she could come in and stay, because she accomplished what she came there for, and that she was leaving. She reminded Can to think about her offer to take the photographer's job at the upcoming photoshoot. And although she kissed Can and sauntered away without looking back, she lingered around long enough to listen to Can and Sanem's conversation.

Unaware that Polen stood mere feet away from them and gloated in her own selfish accomplishment, Sanem tried her best to remain calm and explain to Can the reason why she gave up her scent to Fabri. Can failed to understand or even see the significance of the fact that she did not lie about surrendering the scent to Fabri. The only thing she was guilty of - if guilty could even have been considered to be the operative word in this matter, was the fact that she did not tell Can that she surrendered that scent. She did not lie about it, she just waited with telling him the truth.

Sanem could not help it and mentioned how coincidental it was for Polen to have turned up at his mountain home the moment she sensed a sign of trouble between them. Can dismissed her accusation and advised Sanem that Polen came to offer him a job, nothing more. But Sanem knew better. And she was right. Regardless of how blind Can may have become to Polen's advances, Sanem recognized Polen's true intentions. Yet, since Can wouldn't admit to it, she moved passed that hurtful topic and attempted to tell Can why she did what she did.

But Can did not listen. He wouldn't listen. He couldn't. Because he did not know how to. The "flight or fight" notion was as foreign to him as forgiveness was. He did not understand there was always an option to stay and fight for what mattered. He learned to always avoid harshness of the world by escaping from it. Even now. Especially now. As much as it hurt him, he could not permit himself to listen to Sanem's explanation. He was too furious to do so. He was too hurt. But underneath it all, he was too scared. Too scared of what he feared was the only option for him...

No matter how many times Sanem tried to tell him that his freedom meant more to her than her own scent did, Can cut her off. She did not get to tell him that she did not get a penny from Fabri in return. She did not get a dime out of it. She did not gain anything in exchange. The only thing Fabri gave her was Can's freedom. And his freedom was the most priceless thing in her life. If she had to do it all again, she would not have hesitated because she loved him more than life itself.

But... Can failed to see it. He was too blind to see the despair in her eyes. Too deaf to hear the fear and pain in her words. She begged him and she pleaded with him. She told him that they were strong enough to get through this because she loved him, because they loved each other, because they were together. He stopped her from speaking. He couldn't bear it. There was no more them. There was no more love. There was no future left before them. He took her in his arms and brought her closer. He put his hands around her face. He because he was exhausted from yelling, he whispered to her that she broke the magic between the two of them. And as such, she became like everyone else to him.

She knew what those words meant. She heard them before. And something broke inside of her. Too afraid to speak out loud, Sanem whispered back and asked if that was what he wanted to say? What he wanted to happen? He replied with anger that although he did not want things to end between them that way, that was exactly how he felt. It was the only option for him...

Sanem stood there. Hurt through and through. If she could have felt her heart now, the pain within it would have shattered it to pieces. But she stood there and felt as her heart began to turn numb from his words and from pthe tone of his voice. She realized that saying anything more was pointless. Staying there, even more. So, she nodded through the tears forming in her eyes, turned, and began to walk away.

Each step she took away from Can and his heart hurt. But she knew she had to keep walking for her own survival. She could not understand how a man who confessed his love to her over and over, and who proposed to her not long ago, turned away from love so easily. So quickly. He may have been hurt, she understood that better than anyone else, but to see how fast he gave up on their future was beyond her. She was raised in a family where her parents, who were the perfect example of a loving beloveds, loved each other and conquered problems together. Not alone. And they never ever gave up on their love. Not in a million years.

As Sanem walked away and disappeared into the darkness of the starless night, Can stood in the exact spot she had left him for what seemed hours. He just stood there. Motionless. He simply could not move. He was filled with pain of broken trust. Filled with fear for his own heart and his own existence. Ever since he opened his heart to Sanem, he trusted her with it. He showed her who he was. And now, he realized that he was not comfortable with how vulnerable he felt. How vulnerable he felt without her by his side.. But that was the main fear that ripped through him - that she was no longer by his side.

Resigned in his own inability to have prevented Fabri from devastating his life yet again, Can sat down. He contemplated his life ever since he met Sanem, ever since he fell in love with her, and ever since he gave her a second chance. Did she fail him? Yes, from his point of view. But was he strong enough to cross her out of his life completely? He was not sure that he was. All he knew was that whatever happened from this moment on, they had come to a point of no return for both of them. Yet, as he sat there and considered giving up on Sanem, she sat in her room telling herself that she was strong enough to fight for their love, for both of them...