Selcouth (l.h.) (bwwm)

1

Gabriana's muscles ached as she stepped into the elevator. Simply pressing the button to get to the fourth floor was a grueling task. She had just gotten back to her apartment building after a long day of rehearsals. Her and Divine Soul were shaping up to go on a tour across America, and the practice was brutal. There was extensive choreography, that they had to perform in heels, and they had to continuously work at it until the choreographer and label thought it was perfect.

Gabriana was able to keep up with the steps, as she took dance lessons and gymnastics as a child, and after her grandmother, Liliana, (who paid for said activities) died, and her mother refused to pay for the classes herself, often danced along with music videos and performances she watched on the internet for fun. However, the constant five to six hour rehearsals, followed by her twenty minute walk home, despite taking two buses, and finally getting maybe three hours of sleep, was taking a serious physical toll on the girl. Though, she was used to the lack of sleep, as she worked a full time, night shift job, while still going to school the next morning.

After Gabriana got into her apartment, she looked around the place to see if anyone was home. She was relieved to find that her mother, Gloria, or any company that she may have had, was out.

The girl did love her mom, but things were always stressful when she was around. Her constant criticisms of things like her looks, and how she was a failure really cut deep in her self esteem. These critiques mostly came from Gloria's own insecurities, as being a dark skinned black woman often came with a lot of judgement and shame, but it hurt her daughters feelings nonetheless. After all, she was supposed to be the one to shelter her and make her feel good about herself. Gloria often told Gabriana that she was lazy, or that she wasn't doing enough for the household, despite the fact that Gabriana had more steady job than the matriarch, as Gloria was constantly quitting the few positions she was able to get, and often relied on sleeping with men for money that she often paid a large sum on buying marijuana or crack cocaine.

Not to mention all the times that Gloria had gotten physical with Gabriana. Most of which were petty reasons. As a young child, she would often be slapped for breaking things or making a mess. When she got in trouble at school and a call home was made, Gloria would beat her and tell her how much of a failure she was, or that she made her look like a bad mom. Even in situations like Gloria's date's hitting on the young girl, speaking to her, or touching her inappropriately, Gloria would take it out on Gabriana physically and say that it was her fault for being such a whore.

It was true that Gabriana got around in terms of being with men, specifically one's who were objectively too old for her. But this was mostly because Gabriana didn't have any sort of guidance or companionship in her life. She also had unresolved issues with the sexual abuse she experienced as a child.

Gloria's mother was the one who took care of Gabriana when she was younger. Liliana knew when her daughter got pregnant that she was not fit to raise a child, so she moved in with Gloria and stayed to make sure that the girl got the care that she needed.

Liliana and her late husband were immigrants from Panama and had to overcome a lot. People judged them based on their inability to speak English when they first got to America, and were racist against them because they were black. In spite of this, they were able to learn enough English to get by in the country, and got decent jobs. They eventually had their daughter and were able to give her a good life. They always put her first and showed her an immense amount of love. However, when Gloria's father died when she was eighteen, she took a dark path. She started drinking heavily, doing drugs, and prostituting herself. It was when Gloria was twenty years old that she got pregnant from a stranger who hired her. Despite Liliana's old age, she did a very good job of raising Gabriana. She always taught her to be respectful and instilled her resilience and strength into the girl.