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Chapter 20: The Unwanted

20

The Unwanted

 

Nicky would be Frank Chan’s Chris Cringle for their Christmas party. All she wished for was a plain, simple, uncomplaining girl. Looking for gifts for boys, especially rich boys, was really difficult for Nicky. Then, she figured, she’d probably just do the same thing she did last year—give him a pair of black socks—just like what she gave Eddie Boy, who seemed really happy about it, especially when he said he only had a couple of good pairs. But then, Frank Chan probably already had several good pairs. Or maybe she’d just buy him a volume of Naruto, but then again, he probably already had all the volumes of that manga. So, she might just give him a pair of socks then.

“Hey, can we do it again?” Suddenly, she heard someone complaining. His loud, annoying voice was enough to tick Nicky’s nerves. Hey, I got a little rich kid, and I’m not complaining! She wanted to tell him. Lucky enough, Nicky was on her seat and was not in charge of the drawing for their Chris Cringle activity.

“Sorry, Josh, but I’m afraid, we can’t,” replied John Michael. He looked pleased with what he got. Nicky thought he probably had Red. Nicky knew that like every other girl in the school, John Michael was also crushing on Red. Somehow, the thought of it relieved her. By thinking John Michael was also crushing on Red was somehow a bit helpful in ridding her very own feelings for the guy. The more she thought about it, the more she couldn’t stand the fact that she and John Michael were liking the same boy. The more it became easier for her not to think of Red then, and that he was just seated three seats to her right.

Isn’t he too tall to sit in the middle? He should have just sat in the back. Nicky thought gravely.

“Well, at least somebody exchange with me, then,” Josh demanded, his voice grumpy. Nicky could not believe how much she lost her senses a month ago that she decided to date him, then. “Come on, exchange with me, please,” Josh insisted to Jay, the boy with spiky hair, who sat right beside him. Jay immediately shook his head. Nicky watched as Josh showed the paper that he had drawn to everyone who would even consider to exchange with him, and the moment they read the name, they immediately backed off.

Nicky hated Josh the more as he watched him desperately tugging everyone to just exchange with him. Then, he went to Iggy and begged him for mercy. Iggy was unsure at first, looked at the small piece of paper Josh held right up to his nose. Then, as nicely as he could, said no. Josh shoulders fell down. He went to a few girls, and all of them were shaking their heads, too.

The longer Josh asked for everyone to exchange with him, the angrier Nicky got. She wondered who he got that he could not even stomach of accepting that person. She suddenly felt sorry for that person. She wished it wasn’t her. And then, she figured. It must have been me! She looked up and could even feel the fleeting stares of her classmates—those who Josh had showed who he got, and more importantly, who declined.

Her heart sank to her stomach. Her hand clenched into a fist. She was angry, upset and mad at Josh. But what troubled her more was, like their other classmates, Iggy also refused to exchange with him. Why, I shouldn’t be surprised. He switched partners with me for our duet!

Then, Josh approached Red, who was clearly already annoyed by him. “Stop it man, okay,” He said, without even looking at the paper Josh held out to him. “The more people you showed who you got, the more you embarrass yourself.”

“Well, I’m already embarrassed enough, Red. I wouldn’t even care now if I had to shout the name of this person if that’s what it takes to have a do-over!”

“Don’t, man. You’ll be embarrassing that person, too.”

“Well, if you’re really that sympathetic, exchange with me, then.”

Red handed his own paper, and snatched the small paper from Josh’s hand. Josh opened Red’s paper, and then sighed with relief. He drew a small laugh, and then looked up, noticing everyone’s eyes were all on him. “You’d all refused, you know,” Josh said defiantly, shrugged and went back to his seat.

Nicky watched Red as he casually opened the already crumpled paper from Josh. Nicky couldn’t get any expression from his eyes as he read. It looked like there wasn’t any at all. Then, suddenly, he jerked his head to his side and looked right at her. Nicky immediately looked away.

So, it really was me. Then, before she’d allow herself to be overwhelmed with a pang of giddy feelings for him, she knew well enough not to think like a silly infatuated girl. Josh did not want her. Even Iggy couldn’t accept her. And Red only did to get Josh to shut up. He clearly didn’t know who was on the paper, but accepted it unconditionally—no—it was with a condition—again, to stop Josh from causing too much commotion.

“Don’t, man. You’ll embarrass that person, too.” Nicky repeatedly played inside her head what Red said before Josh was about to cause any more trouble and blurt out the name of that unwanted person. She figured Red was just being nice and that was all there was to it. Or probably, he wouldn’t even mind of exchanging with Josh, wouldn’t mind if it’d be her, because after all, perhaps, he’d just wanted to get Josh to shut up.

A constricting pain tightened her chest. She forced herself to smile her smile. Then, suddenly, she found herself turning to the side, and looking at Red. He was not looking at her anymore. He was chatting with someone. A girl. Lois. Are they getting back together?

Another smile worked up on her sad-stricken face. Then, she felt someone tapping her shoulder. She looked up and saw June beaming at her. “So, tell me, first-hand, what you want for Christmas, I don’t want to give you something you don’t want?”

Nicky could not comprehend anything that came out of June’s mouth.

“So, you want another book? I’m thinking of giving you a classic, either Pride and Prejudice or To Kill A Mockingbird. I know you’ve read them already but you always wanted a copy, right?”     

“Wait,” Nicky mumbled. “It’s me that you got for Chris Cringle?”

June smiled at her. “I’m not supposed to tell. And I won’t.”

“So, it’s really me?”

June shrugged, then said, “Hey, don’t even think it was you that Josh got. That stupid jerk!”

Nicky looked up at June and sighed her relief. “So it wasn’t me he got.” She took another breath. Then after a moment, she asked, “But who could it be, then?”

“Beats me,” June replied, shrugging her shoulders again. “I had an idea, though.”

“Who?”

“No, I don’t want you to feel sorry for him.”

“Him?”

“Or her. I’m not really sure,” June replied and gestured she needed to get back on her seat. Nicky nodded after her.

Nicky didn’t know if she’d be happy it was not her after all. She felt like a weight had been lifted on her shoulders, though. She was relieved. So, Iggy really did not exactly refuse me. And well, bless Red for having a good heart to exchange with Josh, even if he could have only done it to get Josh to shut up. But she was not at all feeling that much better. She felt bad and was sorry for the unwanted person, whoever it was.

So, it really wasn’t me? She was already convinced it was not her, and June could have not really lied about it just to make her feel better. But, what she just could not fathom was why did Red look at her after he read what was on the paper.  But why did he look at me? Or was he really looking at me.

Something else made her unsettled. Something she could not whole-heartedly admit to herself. It was upsetting enough to be unwanted, and she was more than glad to actually not be in that position, but she knew deep inside she would trade anything, even be that unwanted person, if that’s what it takes just to get a gift from him.