oh, to dream || harry styles

ch. twelve

"I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

12.

AT LEAST I'M TRYING

MATURE CONTENT
18+
(final warning for entirety of book)

2018/2019

"My name is Lily and I am an addict." The words don't feel like my own. They shouldn't be my own. I'm physically sick to my stomach.

"Hi Lily." The small group of warm-hearted, soft-smiled people greet me. This is a sick reality that I wish never was. This isn't who I am at all. I don't even eat junk food, so to be addicted to drugs?

"My poison of choice was heroin. I was in a manic state for three months and somewhere along the line I met my drug lord, ex-fiancée and the rest was history. It sounds like a bad movie, really. I really wish it was. It's been a month and half since and this is my first meeting. I didn't miss it at first, honestly I didn't even know I was a user. As time passed and memories randomly appeared is when my body ached for more. It was so dumb, I had to get into contact with the woman whom I was engaged to but didn't even know. I had no clue what was making me so sick and what I had the most consuming itch for. My boyfriend is very supportive and has been by my side every moment that he isn't working. I got my old job back and life is just as it was before I lost my way. I've never been happier. It's not perfect but that's what makes is so amazing. I honestly just wish I wasn't an addict, as fucked up as that sounds." The skin of my bottom lip is bitten raw by the time I'm finished talking and I feel so sick to my stomach despite my somewhat uplifting words.

"You know, that's not bad for a first meeting. The first step is always admitting you have a problem. With time it won't hurt as bad, I can almost promise you that. Although, I don't really do promises. You're lucky." A girl in the crowd speaks.

"Julia, I don't really think that remark was appropriate for this situation." A man, I think named Logan, says.

"It's fine, really. With that, I think it's my queue to leave. I'll be back on Friday, promise." I excuse myself and walk with my head low out the door. It took a lot to share and the nerve of that girl to comment on it like I asked for reviews.

"Hey, Honey." Harry is waiting for me in his car and greets me sweetly. 

"Hi." My voice is frail, weak. Much more than I'd like. I don't want him to worry any more than he already does. I don't think he has seen me the same way since our emotional exchange in Houston.

"Do you still want to go to Naomi's tonight for New Year's, babe?" It's a touchy subject, for sure. After we got back from Houston I spent even more time away from the people I adore. Two weeks detoxing and working towards recovery in a local mental institution. Somewhere along the line I also got diagnosed with manic depression, also known as bipolar disorder. It's been hard coping with such a diagnosis but I do my best to push forward.