Abducted; Namjin

Chapter Fourty Four

Kim Namjoon

    Hormones. Hormones.
     He's going through so many changes. He has every right to be angry and stressed and my neglect hasn't been helpful. I need to remember that.
    Damn, does his words stings, though. I know better than to react, however. I've learned through years and years of hard discipline and pain that irrational emotions and overreactions are not the answer. Patience and logic is the best solution.
     He needs sustenance. He needs me to be there and listen to him and his needs—physical and mental. I understand that. I can do that. To be honest...I really don't have to do anything on this ship. It's not mine but once a Captain always a Captain. It's in my blood.
     Sighing, I stare ahead out the glass into the vast blackness of space. In the distance...barely a tiny dot in the void is our planet. Median Blue.
    I don't want to take Jin there. I haven't asked if that's where we are headed. I'm hesitant to know exactly what Jooheon is thinking. He's quite an eccentric character.   
     I raise my gaze and realize for the first time a person standing behind me, reflecting in the glass.
     Hoseok.  
    I spin on my heel and without thinking grab him, pushing him up against the wall and pinning him with my strength.  
    I don't know why I do it. I really don't. I didn't think just act.
    He gasps, staring at me with confusion and shock. My hand presses against the side of his face, searching his eyes...so familiar. Firm but gentle. Like my hold on him. I'd never hurt him.
     Jin's painful words come hitting me full force. "Were you miserable with me? You regretted it, right?"
     His eyes widen in surprise. "W-What?"   
    "Being with me. Accepting my love. You hated it, right? I left you alone all the time. Did you regret being mine?"
     "W-what are you talking about? What brought all this on? Did Jin say something?"
     I press myself fully against him, feeling his body firm against mine, cupping his cheeks, almost desperate. Needing to know the truth. "Did you regret it? Was being my partner, my bonded soulmate so awful?"
     He pants, not speaking for several long agonizing minutes while I just hold him in place. Not wanting to leave it without knowing.
    "Tell me the truth."
    He swallows hard, hands trembling as they press at my chest but I don't budge. "It was lonely. I knew it would be, though. I was prepared for it." He sighs. "Jin doesn't understand. You need to explain yourself to him. He feels used and unwanted at the same time. He's going through a lot."
    I drop my gaze, thinking that over. "I don't deserve him. I should have left him alone. Let him find another lover."  
    "You say that so casually it almost makes me want to smack some fucking sense into you." Rolling his eyes, he shoves me hard and I stumble back a step, unprepared for it. He straightens his shoulders. "And I'm not yours to maneuver around as you please anymore, Namjoon. Your actions could be taken the wrong way."
     "What do you mean?" Not wanting to read into what I just did. I know it was wrong.
    "What if Jin came out and saw you pinning me to the wall like that? He would have thought we were being intimate instead of you just being an insecure, neglectful ass."
     "What gives you the right to call me that? He won't talk to me. How should I know there's a problem if he doesn't speak up. He's not like you." I snap.
     His eyes flair and I'm reminded of his old temper. He wasn't quite as feisty and hard to handle as he is now, though. "No, he's not. I was obedient to you. I never let you know I was suffering! I let you do whatever you wanted and just stood back in silence because that was what we were taught to do! I stayed alone and lonely and just waited for you to live your dreams. I'm not like that anymore and Jin isn't, either. We're both human. You need to learn to understand him and not just expect him to act like me—or the me you knew."
     I can't stop it—glaring, I turn and punch the wall hard. An instant hole cracking and forming and blood pooling down my fingers.
     "Fucking hell!" Hoseok jumps, striding forward and grabbing my hand. I jerk away but he holds it firmly, glaring at me. "Why the hell did you do that?!"
     I refuse to look at him. I can't. I'm ashamed at my lack of control. I don't know if my loss of control is because of Hoseok or Jin, though, and that's what's really troubling me.
    I feel something soft press against my palm and glance over to see Hoseok kiss my hand. He grips my bloody knuckles, intently staring at me.
   I love Jin. Very much.
   But feelings don't just disappear so easily. "You should stop before I do something I regret, love." My voice is soft.   
    "Like what?" There's a challenging look about him. He stares me down, tightening his grip on my hand. My blood now running down his hand and forearm. Neither of pay any mind to it.
     Licking my lips, I try not to indulge in any thoughts of slamming him against the wall for much more vulgar reasons than anger and it upsets me. It's wrong.
    He's not mine. He's not my Jin. I can't think of those things anymore. Where did my so called control go? My endless patience and reserve?   
     "Hoseok."
     "What?" He looks into my eyes, as if in a trance. I slowly realize that we're extremely close and our breathing is both labored and mirrored.
     There is something amiss...
     I forcibly remove my hand from his, ignoring the pain in my knuckles. And just like that...the spell is broken and he blinks, shaking his head and dropping his gaze.
     My senses return.
     He begins laughing bitterly. "Our souls just won't get with the program, yeah?"   
    I realize too late what he's getting at. "I suppose not."
    Sighing, he runs a hand through his hair. "Go take care of Jin. He really needs you right now. Put him first, alright? He deserves it after all you've done to him, don't you think?"
    "I do." Without hesitation. "I will put him first."
    He nods slowly. "Then why are you still here with me?"
     Grinning, I watch him turn and walk away back down the corridor. Turning back towards the kitchen, I plan to get Jin's food but stop short when I spot him leaning against the wall, observing me.
    How long has he been there?
    There are dark circles under his eyes and he just looks...defeated. I do not wish to make him feel that way. "Seokjin."
    "It's okay. I get it. It would be weirder if you didn't have moments like that." He tries to smile but it fails.
     Frowning, I stride forward and grab him, lifting him into my arms. I begin walking back towards our bedroom.
     He surprisingly doesn't resist. "Is your hand okay?"
    "What?" I notice blood seeping through his shirt from my injury. I already forgot. "Sorry."
    "Are you angry at him?" He asks calmly.
    "For what?"
    "He didn't answer you, did he? Look—I want to apologize. He never told me anything like that. I was just being irrational and taking out my frustrations on you. You didn't deserve that."
     "You were right, though. I've been neglectful. You should be my first priority always."
    He rolls his eyes. "That's unrealistic and we both know that. You're a very important person. You've got more obligations than just taking care of me."
    "I want to, though."
    "Namjoon."
    I look down into his eyes at the seriousness in his tone. "Hm? Are you alright? Hurting?"
    A frown pinches his brow. "Where are we going? Are we still going to your planet? They won't accept us...right? Aren't I still supposed to be just a breeder to them?"
     My grip automatically tightens around him. "You're not."
    "Maybe not anymore to you but to them..."
    "I will never let anyone steal you from me or touch you. Ever. You are mine to protect."
    "I'm grown. I can take care of myself—by the way, where are we going?"   
    We've already bypassed our room. "To see Jungkook. I want him to check you over."
    He groans but doesn't put up a fight. "Fine."
    Smiling, I kiss his lips. "Thank you. It would make me feel better to know you are fine. Let's not worry so much."
    

     I step inside the small clinic room but pause when I don't see Jungkook anywhere. "Ah. Wait here. I'm going to get him from his room."
    He nods and hops up onto the cot. "I'll be here."
    I briskly walk to Jungkook's room but he's not there, either. Frowning, I realize in my business I haven't seen him in...days, I believe.
    I go to Taehyung's room to see Taehyung sleeping beside Jimin without incident. Hesitantly, I shake him and lean down. "Have you seen Jungkook?" Careful to whisper so not to wake Jimin.
     Taehyung frowns, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "What? I haven't seen him since..." He pauses, eyes widening. "I haven't seen him in days." Panicked.
     Fuck.
    "Where is Yoongi?"