Abducted; Namjin

Chapter Fifty Two

Kim Namjoon

Wallowing in self hatred isn't solving anything. What I did to my soul-bonded was unforgivable. What I did to Jin was...even more despicable. How to make things better...
I'm drawn from my troubled thoughts by a loud kick to the metal door. My body stiffens, readying for an attack when—
I'm stunned to see Jin standing at the broken door, fuming.
I make to rush to his side but stop when I feel the tension as he looks at me with hatred and disgust. I know. He knows. Shit. I wanted to be the one to tell him the truth. I wasn't going to lie and hide it. I was just giving myself some time.
"Jin—"
He stomps over and slaps my hard across the face. Before I can even acknowledge the hit, he grabs my collar and lands a square punch right to my nose. Blood pours and I wince in pain. He was never this strong? Is this the random human strength of anger I've vaguely heard about? I thought it was false. He should not be able to kick a metal door or injure me so easily.
He's pregnant for universe sake!
"Jin!" I reach out and grasp his wrists, trying to calm him. I ignore the shocked look of the men around me as I usher him out of the room and down the hall.
I pull him into a random empty room and close the door firmly. I really don't want an audience for whatever is coming—though well deserved.
I do not crowd him. I remain where I am but also make sure to position myself where he can't leave. We will talk this out here and now. I want it over with.
He pants, clenching his bruised and busted fists. The urge to kiss them and make them better is overwhelming but I don't approach him. I'm not that stupid.
He steps forward. "How...dare...you..." He shakes with rage.
I hold up my hands in surrender. "You have every right to be angry and to hate me. I won't stop you from hitting me but please do not hurt yourself." I eye his bloody hands again.
He laughs. "Now you care about me! Did you care about me being hurt when you raped my best friend? Your own fucking soul-bonded mate? Did you care that you were hurting him?!" He spits.
I shake my head. "I didn't mean to hurt him or you. It was a mistake! I lost control of myself though there's no excuse for what I did. I was going to tell you. I would not have kept this from you." I stress.
He laughs again. "Does that make anything better? You're just as fucked as those other bastards on your planet wanting to use and abuse us. You're all the same!"
"I'm not! Please, Jin!" I can't stop myself from making my way towards him, wanting to embrace him. He shoves me away but I hold tight, wrapping him in my arms and holding on for dear life. His anger and fear radiates into me and I breathe it in. Wanting to consume it all.
He screams at me, struggles to break free from my arms but I don't let him. I take his hits and kicks and shouts. I accept them all. He can hate me, he can hurt me...but he can't leave me. He's mine. Forever. There's no other way. He's carrying my child. I will allow him to do anything except leave.
His screams and struggles mingle with broken sobs. I feel my leg give way at one of his better aimed kicks and together we drop to the floor. I don't let him go.
He attacks me with everything he has. Hitting me over and over again until I feel more than a couple bones are broken and my face is pretty bad but I never once hold up a hand in defense or retaliate. I never would.
Eventually, his strength fails and he collapses beside me, panting and crying silently. His arms are shaking and barely holding him up. He turns away and throws up. I force my body up in concern. He's hurt himself. It's not good.
I reach out a bloody hand for him. "Jin—"
"Don't touch me!" He slaps my hand away and climbs to his feet. "Stay away from me and Hoseok." He tries to leave but I grab him and pull him into my lap.
"I will allow anything except you leaving me." I tell him firmly, grasping his chin and forcing him to meet my eyes. "Anything. Do anything to me that makes you feel better. I deserve it all but you can never, ever leave me. I won't let you go. That's the one thing I won't do for you, Kim Seokjin."
He glares at me with pure hatred before tears begin running down his cheeks. I brush them away as gently as I can.
"I'm sorry. It's not enough, I know that. I'm so so sorry. I can never apologize or make it right to you or him but I'm so fucking sorry. I'll spend forever making up for my mistake. Please stop hurting yourself." I plead. My hands clumsily pull up his shirt to rest on his stomach. I hold them there, feeling our child growing inside him.
"That's all you care about." He whispers, scoffing. "I wish I never accepted you into my body and did this. I wish I never met you."
It hurts. His words hurt much more than any physical damage but I can feel the honest truth in them.
I nod slowly. "Meeting me was your downfall, yes? It was a random chance and I've destroyed your life. I can't make that right, either." I admit. "I'm a bastard that took an innocent life and forced him into this new one he never wanted. I've continuously hurt you over and over again since the moment I forced you into my world." I grasp his chin and give him a forced kiss. "I do not wish to change that, however. Despite what you want to believe...I truly love you. I won't release you. I'm sorry but...I won't do that."
He shoves me away and gets up, leaving me alone as he escapes from the room. I remain in place, tasting his tears and pain on my tongue. I'm an evil alien as he once claimed. I am just like those others on my planet. I took him by force and made him mine. Gave him no choice out of my own selfishness.
I once thought myself and my decisions as saving him. I'm stupid for thinking such ridiculousness. He's never thought of me as anything other.
I don't lift my head as the door opens. I already know who it is.
Jooheon grins down at me. He tosses something down at my feet. "We've been granted access to that snake's world. Go down and when you return—if you do—you can have the extra ship for you and Jin. Hoseok stays here with me, however. That is my deal. Take it or leave it."
He walks back out as I stare at the key to the extra ship. I grip it tightly in my fist.
After this last mission for Jungkook...I will take Jin and leave. Far away from here and everyone else.
Somewhere so far he can never ever leave me. I don't care how bad that makes me. I won't lose him. Not for anyone. Not even himself. Without his love...I will accept his hatred so long as he remains by my side and carrying my children.
I never claimed to be a saint.