Abducted; Namjin

Chapter Fifty One

Kim Seokjin

"Jin..."
My smile of reassurance is forced to the extreme. My hands are clenched to hide the overly obvious shaking. I don't know how to be at this moment in time. In this situation. What am I supposed to do? To say? I'm drawing a blank.
Jimin frowns at me in concern. His eyebrows and tail twitching as he struggles to maintain his humanoid form.
Swallowing hard, I sigh and pat his head. He leans into it, purring. It makes me smile legitimately despite the situation.
"You are sad."
My lips press into a hard white line. "I am."
"Why aren't you crying? Don't you want to?" He asks. The confused innocence in the question is what almost cracks the thick shield inside my chest holding everything at bay. It's almost too much.
"I don't want to cry." Honestly.
"Why not? Humans cry a lot, yes? Even we cry. Aren't you working properly?"
I laugh despite myself. "I'm alright. I'm processing." It's true. Since the moment Jimin stumbled into my room in a panic, waking me and tearing my world apart by telling me a living nightmare.
Namjoon and Hoseok.
How it happened? I don't know.
I didn't see it and I still haven't seen Namjoon since he left. Is he avoiding me now? Will he out of guilt? Does he feel bad about breaking his promise to me or guilty for himself? I also don't know that.
I'm scared to know. I don't want to. I want to remain oblivious to this forever. Ignorance is bliss as it were.
I know Hoseok. I thought I knew Namjoon.
Hoseok would not do this to me. He's actively made a point not to hurt me. He wouldn't waste his efforts and destroy our friendship over this. He didn't want to get back with Namjoon.
And Namjoon...I'm not really sure. He's not very open but he seemed to not want to go back to Hoseok. He seemed so sure of us.
I'm confused. I'm lost and trying not to shatter. What am I going to do? I know I should go talk to Hoseok then Namjoon when he gets back but I don't want to.
If I find my answers then what? I'm stuck. I'm completely trapped. There are no options. I can be mad. I can be sad. I can rage and curse and cause violence but then what? Leave Namjoon?
Where the hell would I go? I was destined to be an inprisoned breeding prostitute in his world. I don't want that.
I'm carrying Namjoon's child! I have no idea what I'm doing or how this is going to turn out. At this moment, I'm doing the only thing I can—I'm cutting myself off from feeling anything. I'm processing the facts and will logically evaluate my options.
Firstly, though...I need to see Hoseok.
Hence my problem—I don't want to. If I go over there and see...it will make it real. Too real.
What if he tells me that they have decided to be together? What am I supposed to do? Give them my blessing? Cause a scene and threaten suicide? I already know I can't go back to Earth like this. I'm carrying an alien baby as a man. I would be studied and made into a lab rat. I'd rather die.
Jimin looks up through my fingers. "I'm sorry. Are you mad I told you? I was shocked when I walked by and saw them..."
I hesitate. "H-how..." Nevermind. I don't want to know how it was. What they were like. My stomach churns at the unwanted images. Clearing my throat, I pull my hand back and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. "I'm going to talk to Hoseok."
He pouts. "Need me to go as well? As...emotional support...you humans call it?"
I smile at him. "I'm okay. Thanks, though. Weren't you on your way to see Taehyung?" I remind him gently.
His eyes widen and face lights up. "Oh yes! I'm leaving. Call upon me if you should need anything!" He's gone in seconds.
I laugh bitterly. Why can't our love be as effortless and uncomplicated as theirs? There is no drama with him.
It must be nice.

Standing in front of Hosoek's door, I ignore the shaking of my hand as it knocks lightly. It slides open and I regret coming over immediately. The room is a mess. The smell of them is everywhere and it's weird that I know what the scent is. Why do I know this? Hoseok looks pained and his eyes are red-rimmed. Obviously upset.
Is he upset at seeing me? I don't know what to feel about his suffering. I don't want him to suffer but I'm suffering. Selfishly, I feel we should suffer together.
"Hey." My voice is lighter than expected.
Sniffling, he moves aside so I can come in and closes the door firmly. "You know."
I stiffen. So it's going to be like this. Right from the start. "I do."
He nods. "Namjoon told you?"
Shaking my head, I actively avoid looking at the messy bed. There scent is very strong there. "I haven't seen him. Jimin told me."
He looks confused for a long moment before glancing at the door. "Ah, right." He plops down on the bed, looking weary and exhausted. "I'm so sorry, Jin. I never wanted...t-this..." He breaks down into sobs.
I can't help it. I fall to my knees and hug him tight. He's my best friend. No matter what it's obvious he did not start or cause this. This isn't his fault. I know they have a bond that won't break. A bond too strong. A bond that will always trump over mine and Namjoon's.
My pain is much smaller compared to his, it seems. I'm broken, yes, but I really haven't known Namjoon for that long like Hoseok has. I don't have the history or anything like they do. It's daunting even imagining trying to compare.
In this moment, I'm ashamed of my sorrows. I know I shouldn't. I'm allowed to be upset and feel pain. My lover and father of my child cheated on me with his ex.
But I'm looking at this with human mind and mentality.
Hoseok's soul bond cheated on him with me as well. This is so much more complex than my stupid human brain is making it out to be. I want to simply it to what it is but I can't in this situation. It's frustrating.
"Talk to me."
"Oh god, Jin...I hate myself. I didn't mean for...how can you not hit me?" He cries, clinging to me.
I rub his back soothingly. "You're too pitiful to hit. It's like hitting a crying child or something." I mutter.
He wipes his snotty nose. "Ass."
Snorting, I help him clean his face up a bit. "Tell me what happened."
Avoiding my gaze, he shrugs. "I don't really know. He came by to check on me like normal and we started talking...it was nothing weird or shady." He frowns. "Then...I don't know...memories...the past...something happened. He lost it and I got lost in it. I don't know what to do to apologize. I can't make this up to you."
I sit on the floor in a meditative position and ponder over everything. "Do you want to get back together? Are you two—"
"No!" He yells, scaring me and making me jump. "No. We aren't a thing. He loves you. We aren't getting together and that will never happen again. I'll make sure of it. I'll never see him again. Never go near him." He stresses.
So it was just a crazy impulsive hook up of sorts that Hoseok regrets. But what about Namjoon? Does he regret it as well? Will he be fucking honest with me for once.
I need to know his true feelings on this. About me and about Hoseok.
I stand up, decisively.
He looks at me with worry.
"I won't lie and say I'm not heartbroken and upset but I'm not blaming you. As a human you can understand how I'm feeling right?"
He nods slowly. "It is my fault, though. I never should have come back here."
I notice for the first time the bruises on his neck and wrists and arms. Frowning, I take them in. "Did he force you? You don't act like it was consensual. Don't lie to me." Firmly.
He doesn't answer. His eyes tell me all I need to know.
I really need to find Namjoon. Immediately. I think I'm going to cut off his dick. There's no way, right? No way he'd rape my friend and his soulbonded mate? He's not like that, right?
Well...Hoseok's stare seems to tell a different story and I don't like it. Pregnant or not, mated or not, I will make his live a living hell if this happened the way I'm imagining it.
Namjoon is a lot stronger than Hoseok. Their bond would have given Hoseok only so much room to say no before giving in...he wouldn't hurt me like this in the first place.
"He didn't..."
"Don't even." I cut him off, angry but now for a whole other reason than just myself. "Why defend him?"
Blinking, he chews on his bottom lip. "It was all an accident, Jin. I'm not defending him but I wouldn't necessarily call it r..." He can't finish the sentence.
Again. Tells me all I need to know.
"I'm going to talk to him."
He looks alarmed like he's going to object but stops and nods a bit. "You two need to talk. Will you come back here after?" He sounds extremely vulnerable.
"Yes." After I castrate an alien. "I'll be back soon."
He takes a large breath. "Are you going to end it?"
I pause at the door, glancing back at him. Conflicted. "I don't know what I'm going to do but I refuse to accept a cheating rapist. Human or alien."
I leave him with that. He doesn't look happy, though.
Much better than what I plan to leave Namjoon with. My rage is building slowly and I'll keep holding it back until it explodes in the worst and messiest way—right in his face.
I hope his avoidance of me has given him time to process the bullshit he's planning to tell me. I won't believe anything he has to say. After all, actions speak much louder than words.
And the screams inside my head are going to be louder than bombs.
I'm about to fucking detonate.