The Things I'd Rather Forget // Countryhumans AU

Chapter 41: Sorry \\ The Words Finally Tumble Out

Well, not anymore.

Confederate really did give him independence. Independence from everything, including life.

Well, might as well ask a figment of his imagination the one question he forever wanted to ask.

"Did... Did you ever really care?"

The words felt like dirt in Puerto Rico's mouth, but he couldn't say he cared anymore. He was sick of it. He was sick of being betrayed time and time again. He was sick of being the little lamb, ripe for the slaughter. He was sick of it, sick of it all.

All he ever wanted was a family, a family that cared for him. A family that cared for him just like his mother once did.

A family that saw him as something more than a "Rich Port."

And the words kept coming out.

"I... For the longest time, I idolized you for freeing me from my father. I was willing to forgive your mistakes. I was willing to forgive you time and time again. I felt let down but... at least you didn't hurt me like Spain did, right? But then a catastrophe happened. I needed you, and yet you never came."

Puerto Rico's eyes flickered down to the floor, his thoughts, still scrambled like eggs, trying to wrap around themselves, trying to wrap around Puerto Rico's previous actions and reflect on them. Reflect on if this was the right way to go. The correct path to take.

"Maybe I did overreact back then. Maybe I should've heard what you had to say but... I didn't want to hear your reasoning. I still don't. I don't want to hear your excuses, because they will never excuse the fact you weren't there for me when I needed you."

Like tumbleweeds in the great plains, the words kept tumbling out.

They tumbled out and collected, forming frustrated words and sentences. Or maybe the sentences were sad, not frustrated.

Puerto Rico wasn't really all that sure.

"When everything I thought I knew was destroyed, when my beautiful home was destroyed and my people were in pain, you weren't there. Do you have any idea how soul-crushing that is? How betrayed I felt? I started to wonder if all I was was just another trophy left to rot on your shelves. But still, I waited. I waited for help that would never come. An apology consisting of aid that would never truly come. So, eventually, I got sick of it. I got sick of waiting for an apology that would never come."

Puerto Rico paused, almost as if he was correcting his previous sentence.

"I got sick of waiting for a good dad that would never come."

The words that tumbled out were blunt, honest. It felt fitting. A part of Puerto Rico didn't want to stop there, so he continued.

"So I went to someone else. I turned to someone who could give me what I wanted- freedom from you. Freedom to find a new, better family. I knew they didn't care for me, and that was comforting, in a sense. They didn't put up a facade of caring. They were brutally honest about how little they cared for me, and I was okay with that. At least they weren't lying, right?"

Puerto Rico's eyes kept wandering around, not even bothering to look at America's face. He didn't care about America's reaction, he just needed to say this for himself, not for anyone else.

"But they took it too far. I should've jumped ship, but... I was too deep into it. My role was suddenly achingly clear. It wasn't a deal anymore, no matter how much I tried to cling back onto that idea for protection. I was just the thing to leech off of and then discard later. They weren't gonna keep their deal. No, they were going to kill and leave nothing behind. Maybe they were in it for revenge- that was what they argued that they were doing- but it's obvious now that they're in it for the power. The bloodshed. Maybe even the power to kill each other, who really knows."