Compelled (a Hat Films Fanfic)

Regrets

        My phone rang all that morning, and slowed down to about once an hour after that. I regretted giving her my phone number now, because I knew at some point I was gonna crack and have to talk to her again. I don't see why she bothered with me, now that her precious boyfriend was here, probably to take her back to the states once she gets released.

        I was left to my bitter thoughts as I worked on the videos all morning. It was a Sunday, yet I had nothing better to do today and it was the only thing that kept me occupied... somewhat...

        I couldn't get the image of them out of my mind, the way he looked so worried about her and held her tight as if she might disappear at any moment, the surprise on Amanda's face when she saw him; it was all too much for me. And that kiss, the way he threaded his hands through her hair and tilted her head towards him, cutting off her words with an intimate gesture. I had imagined myself doing the same thing, and I couldn't help feeling jealous that the kiss I had shared with her would probably be an isolated occurrence, one that she hadn't even been awake to acknowledge.

        I rubbed my eyes with the back of my palms, willing the thoughts to leave me. I didn't like her anymore, I couldn't, and at some point I would need to get over it. Still, I was torn by jealousy and self loathing as images flashed through my head of Amanda, all the things I envisioned us doing together now replaced by that freak with the tattoos. I hated him, even if he really hadn't done anything wrong.

        I turned on Pandora, kicking myself for letting my mind wander to those two again. I had to focus on the editing and not about the formerly comatose girl that kept calling me from the hospital. I had to constantly remind myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong, since she had her boyfriend there to keep her company in my absence.

        I wondered how long he had been keeping her company. Months? Years? What had they done together? I think they were roommates at uni, but I wasn't sure. I hoped not; it only made my jealousy flair up to think that he had potentially slept with her. The thought made me sick, she was pretty thin right after the accident, and there was almost nothing to her now, I had felt it in the hug. Call me judgmental, but I much preferred smaller girls. The thought of my arms around Amanda's small hips and even smaller waist caused something deep and primal to stir in the pit of my stomach...

        I buried my face in my hands, hating myself for thinking such a thing when it wasn't ever going to happen. "Fucking hell," I muttered to myself, "just stop..."

        I was shocked out of my pathetic self castigation by a loud banging on my door. Having an inclination to who it was, I quickly smoothed down my hair and striated out my clothes, trying to look a little less deplorable.

        "Mate!" Smith called when I opened the door.

        "Good day!" Tom said, popping his head out from behind Smith in the doorway. I didn't know Smith's flatmate very well, but I can promise that those two were cut from the same cloth. Dealing with two, possibly drunk, Smithys was not something I was looking to do, but they both pushed passed me into the flat anyway.

        "Ross, what have you been doing all day?" Smith asked, falling onto the couch and looking around at the mess of beer cans, soda bottles and crisp packets that were littered around my computer desk. "Have you been working?" he asked, fixing me with an accusing look.

        He should have appreciated the fact that I had been putting some time into the overwhelming amount of work that we had now that Christmas was coming up. "There's nothing wrong with that," I scolded a very chill looking Smith as he stretched and threw his arms onto the back of the couch. Tom didn't seemed bothered by the motion, and I assumed he was as used to Smith's affection as much as me and Trott were.