My Fairy Queen Anne

something keeps me holding on to nothing

She stopped abruptly to stare him straight in the face. "Yes, you hopped aboard a steamer to faraway lands and left everyone in town reeling. I know perfectly what you're speaking about. Please, move on," she said impatiently, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What I'm trying to say is, I'll be here if you need me because I love you and want the best for you."

"Why?" she demanded abruptly, the words falling out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Why must you care so much about my needs? I'm not your family or anything remotely close to that fashion; we weren't even extremely good friends! I'm your sweetheart whom you've been seeing for all of two months! Why are you so empathetic for someone like me?" She repressed the hot tears building in her eyes, discreetly wiping the wetness away with her mitten. He saw right through it, grabbing her gloved hand firmly in the act and clasping it with his.

"How could I not?" he asked, his hazel eyes boring into her with a frightening intensity. "You've been my everything since the very first day I met you. When I came back to Avonlea, it was to pursue medicine, yes, but there was always something inexplicable even before I decided to come back that kept me bound there no matter how hard I tried. I now recognize that as you, my love. You have no idea the urge I had to hop off-board and swim right home to you after I received that letter. You're everything I needed then, everything I desperately want now, and the only thing I'll ever desire."

Like a wounded animal lashing out, she ripped her hand out of his forcefully, wiping it on her skirt.

"That's too unfortunate, Gilbert Blythe, because I certainly do not need you, not now and not ever, and I would like to be left alone for once in my life!"

Before she had time to regret what she had said (and the regret came very quickly), she spun on her heel and ran away, lip quivering and berating herself all the while. It took all her pride to not turn back.

He must hate her now, she thought. She could never show her face again. What a stupid mistake! Whatever unfathomable reason he had to love her was probably vanquished now forever. 

________________

"We came as soon as we heard," Ruby announced, inviting herself and the girls into Anne's house. "Oh Anne dear, we're so sorry!"

"You guys are supposed to be at Queens! I don't want all of you missing school like I am!" Anne exclaimed, but nevertheless hugging each of the three girls.

"Oh hush," Diana silenced, pulling them all up to Anne's room. "Only Ruby, Josie, and I came. Jane and Tillie are covering for us at school. We've asked our teachers, caught up on at least a week's worth, and are here for as long as you need us for. You need some good old fashioned woman time now, not this frivolous courtship business you and Gilbert have between you."

"About that," Anne said, biting her lip and sitting down. "I don't think there's anything anymore." She was sad about it, but the regular feelings were clouded over by a looming storm of pain from the dearest loss in her life.

"What?" Josie huffed, eyes wide. "You two finally get your act together, and now what! I was betting on engagement by the end of the year, you know!"

Anne put her head in her hands and sighed, closing her eyes. "I put my foot in it like always. He was only trying to make me feel better by being his normal aggravatingly charming and kind self, and I lashed out at him."

"Whatever for?" Ruby asked, mouth agape. 

"I couldn't fathom it in the moment. Gilbert Blythe... and plain old me who's as fragile as china right now. So I told him that I didn't need him anymore. Strangely, I don't feel anything too much. I haven't really felt any strong emotion since... well... you know."