Blue Star Reviews [CLOSED]

FIRST (MaNan One Shot)

Writer : VELLIGal
Reviewer : Shivani_SwaSan

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Cover :

Amazing cover... I loved it! Not only the photos of Manik and Nandini goes well with their personalities in the story, but also the font style for the title used is attractive. All the elements (pics, fonts, effects) are blended well with each other. Credit goes to the editor (which I know is you) ;)

Title :

'FIRST' -- just a one-worded title but it speaks so much about MaNan's relationship in the story. It goes perfectly with your storyline. So, a nice work in choosing the correct title for your story!

Plot + Storyline :

The plot+storyline is too surprising and something that didn't turn out like I expected -- I thought Manik and Nandini would become lovers but they didn't! But I love how the story focuses more on how can things actually turn out to be in real life... life can't always go our way. Just like for Manik, things didn't turn out like how he would have wanted. Sometimes even after being with one person for twenty or thirty years, people can still move on. That's the reality and that's life and you have shown it very well.

It's a sweet one shot story that shows Manik going through his own struggles, having no one with him and was all alone, and suddenly he met Nandini... and their one meeting changed his life for good. They spent years of deep friendship with each other. I just adored their cute friendship. And one day when Manik finally confessed his real feelings for Nandini, resulting into their kiss but their kiss made them (mainly Manik) realise that they might not work out as Nandini's kiss felt more like an urge to make him feel better and less about love. I think, this scene can be described more intensely and one more thing, try to shed some light on Nandini's true feelings about Manik, as I felt like her feelings weren't that much clear like Manik's was. (Later on it was cleared though, but still)

Work a little bit more on their emotions. No doubt, I felt strongly when they moved on in their lives with their own new partners but still remembered each other as a very important part of their lives. But still, maybe you can focus a little more on Nandini and her feelings. Manik's character was lovely. I loved how you described him during the beginning and how there was a little character development for him throughout the story.

I know it's an OS, but the only thing I felt you could do was elaborate a bit more on their emotions and also some descriptions at few places are needed. For Manik, you showed that he was a child who was beaten by his drunk father and abandoned by his mother but later on they seemed to have no part in the story. How did Manik make it in his life with parents like those? What happened to them later, especially his mom? Maybe an elaboration on what happened with Manik in the case of his family life was needed, with how you had described his parents. But since it's an OS and the main focus is MaNan's relationship, it's okay and not necessarily required.

Overall, a cute story of two people who are 'first' in everything for each other ❤ really enjoyed reading this OS.

Grammar :

Grammar was smooth, easy to read and has been written in a simple way. Sentence framing was upto the mark and so was the vocabulary. The dialogue delivery was awesome!!

One of the things I loved about the story was the text conversation between MaNan. It felt realistic, mostly because of the short forms used and Nandini's messages were aligned to the left and Manik's at the right. Their convo was cute and hilarious at the same time! I lost it when Nandini blocked Manik after he had teased her enough, haha. They are too cute.

There might be some small errors here and there but they can be corrected after a proof read.

Fascination :

Loved the characters of Manik and Nandini. I love how easily they got along with each other. They were each other's first in everything... first friend, first crush and first love. Maybe Nandini didn't feel the same way about him, like she said at last that she loved him as more than a best friend but not like a lover. They sadly moved on in their lives but I'm glad they not only remembered each other but also shared about each other with their respective partners.

Overall, I love the story and it's little bit of reference with the reality of life! As for the fascination part, I would rate it 5/5 for all aspects!

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