Blue Star Reviews [CLOSED]

My Soul, Your Soul

Author- Charmedone22

Reviewer- truthreviewer

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>Cover<

The cover is over flowing with brightness and is mostly highlighting the white colour.  The fonts are good but the title and the name on the cover is very vague. I can barely get my eyes to read them, due to its brightness.

I'd suggest that eighter you should get a new cover or do changes in the current one, but my suggestion would lie in the former one.

>Plot<

I don't judge plots and I had mentioned that on my page but since you asked, I'd try saying something on it.

Uncommon for fandoms but a common one for general fictions and asian dramas.

It was innovative of you to bring something like this idea to the uniquely popular fandom world as well.

That's all I can say, I am sorry. 'nervous smile'😅

>Blurb<

The description was short and good but can't really say that it played as a factor to pull me in.

Errors present in the description were hard to neglect.

Have a look at this line of your blurb.

"They have to learn, how to live differently, are they going to be able..."

In the above line, there should be a full stop, after the word 'differently', instead of a comma.

Don't go confuse with the punctuations as they can do a great difference in reading. There were few more punctuation errors present, but I just gave the example of the above line as that was highlighting more than any other.

Another thing, I'd like to point out is; in the last paragraph, I guess there should be 'amidst' instead of 'admits.'

If I exclude the errors for a time, still it would be hard to call it as a perfect blurb as it lacked many essential elements.

The curiosity factor, sentence framing factor and the finishing touch were missing, making it less pleasing.

>Title<

The title-- Your Soul, My soul was just too literal and it doesn't give us the hint of the premise of the story at all.

Instead of a lengthy title which don't even give an insight you can simply go for, simple and short. For instance, let's just say, 'Swapped.' It may be a common title but that doesn't matter as long as it fits to your plot.

>Storyline<

There are many scenes that I would like to draw your attention at.

1. Swapping of souls, isn't a possible or normal thing in the real world, for sure, and Nandini and Manik reactions, realising their souls were swapped, seemed too unnatural or say something hard to digest.

You showed, when Nandini woke up from unconscious state, the first thing she did was to touch her face and when she felt her face a bit stubble she immediately realized she was a man now.

And then after realizing, she was all cool with it, thinking that, she needs to make his friends- her friends, so to get an easy survival in his body.

This all gave me a vibe similar to, 'Yeah, I am a man now.'

This goes same with Manik.

Just after waking from dead, when a girl hugged him, calling him Nandini, he immediately realized he is not in his own body.

These scenes appeared more like, swapping of souls was common in the world in which they were living in.

In this case, what was lacking was description. Adding of description can possibly remove this error.

2. Their friends reactions after seeing them alive came out more shocking to me.

There is this thing, when you are penning down the story, think yourself to be in that place and then create scenes.

What would be your reaction after seeing someone coming back from a dead state?

Would you ask, 'Why are you touching your face?' and that too by laughing?

I will suggest you to analyse the elements you presented in your story carefully and then curate it, properly.

3. Careful when you write same dialogues. In both the situations of Manik and Nandini, you weaved the same scene after they woke up from dead.
Just after they were brought back to life, they asked 'what had happened' and their friends reply to both of them sounded funny to me. "You were dead for 2-3 minutes" came an instant reply from both of their own group of friends.

No body would specify how many minutes the person died for.

In the case of Manik as he was doing the concert and fell unconscious, here you can show that after waking up, his friends said, 'You fell unconscious and on check, you were neither breathing nor your heart was pumping. We were so afraid, Manik..."

You can add or less lines as per the convenience.

While on the case of Nandini as she was hospitalized, you can show that Nandini friends telling her, 'The doctor said your heart stopped beating/ your breath fell and they were afraid that you died. But, like a miracle and answers to our prayers, you are here very much alive.'

This was just about the first chapter. The other chapters appeared more unnatural and I wish that I could point the other mistakes as well, but I am sorry dear, I am running out of free time and I have many other books  to review.

Overall, it needs a massive editing and try analyzing your story at your best.

>Creativity<

Apart from the creativity in deciding the plot, there was no impressive creativity present in the story, instead mostly all the scenes appeared common clichés to me.

You lacked at descriptions and because of that everything in the story appeared too fast forwarded making it look less appealing

>Grammar<

Grammar is rough with many loop holes and would suggest to consider revising its rules.

Spelling errors present were another hard factor to neglect. Even the punctuations were misplaced at almost many parts making it look awful. Try maintaining the same tense throughout the story or at least throughout the chapter as switching between past and present makes things and read complicated.

At last, I hope that the review was satisfactory and helpful.

You are a good writer dear, and though there are many things that you still need to learn but I can see that you are always willing to learn something new.

Keep that learning spirit up.

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Hopefully, the review was helpful  :)

Thank you for giving Blue Star Reviews and your reviewer, a chance.

Would love to see you again❤

~Team Blue Star Reviews
#starlights
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