Please, just stay away! [Depressed!BakugoxKirishima]

Literally just me ranting

This is literally me just ranting about every little thing that's making me sad-angry and even more depressed/anxious for no fucking reason at all.

There's no point in you reading this. You can just wait till the next chapter is uploaded.

I don't even fucking know why I'm gonna be uploading this in the first place. I could just keep it in my drafts but NOOOOOO

My dumbass self is gonna post this shit.

There's a lot of cursing in this. I don't usually curse, but lately I tend to curse when I just can't handle my emotions anymore, which is a lot recently.

Seriously though, you don't have to read it, I don't even know why I'm gonna fucking upload this. Probably cause I'm just "a petty attention seeking little bitch who only fucking cares about herself."

Yay me 🙄

I feel so fucking useless every single god damn day. And no one even notices a damn thing is wrong with me. The other day my mom said I need to do something with my self-esteem, cause I have 'too much.'

If only she knew how much I fucking hate the way I talk, the way I walk, the way I act, the way I look, the way I sit, the way I always fucking feel, the way I hide every single god damn problem from anyone and leave myself to deal with it alone in my head.

It annoys me so fucking much. I just want to be happy. Like, is that too much to fucking ask for? Cause apparently it is.

The smallest things get me upset for no damn reason. My sister didn't help me with something that she was supposed to help me with. I needed her help cause I couldn't do it by myself, but did she help? No.

What did I end up doing? Punching my fucking counters until my knuckles were throbbing and discolored.

Another thing, my sister keeps pressuring me about my sexuality. Like, she asks me questions and even though I'm CLEARLY uncomfortable with what she's talking about, she keeps going on about,

"What's your sexuality?"
"How do you identify?"
"Are you questioning yourself?"

Why is it so hard to tell that I'm so god damn fucking uncomfortable and don't wanna talk about that shit?!

So what if I'm questioning, so what if I might be pan, you don't need to pry into my shitty fucking life. It's already terrible enough having to deal with the constant thoughts in my head, and now I have to deal with you pressuring me to come out? Why can't you just step back and let me figure out who the fuck I am first, and let me come out in my own fucking time!

I already hate that fact that I think no one will ever fucking love me or even tolerate me. I hate the fact that I think if I ever did find someone who loved me, they would just stay with me out of pity cause they feel bad for me.

I feel pointless, a waste of space, like I don't belong here. But I don't feel suicidal. Yeah, there's days when I don't wanna be here anymore, but it's more of a "I wanna go to sleep and not leave for 100+ years cause I'm too fucking depressed to actually get up and do anything with my life" kinda thing.

No, I'm not diagnosed with depression or anxiety or any kind of mental health issue, and if this isn't any of that then my fucking bad. I don't like self-diagnosing, but I know there's some fucked up shit happening in my head.

There's days I question,
"Why am I alive?"
"Why did I have to be put on this Earth?"
"What's the point of growing up to work and serve for this shitty government when all I'm gonna end up doing is dying?"
"Why can't I just be a normal fucking teenager and not get anxious whenever I go out in social situations?"
"Why did I have to have panic attacks whenever I'm in a big crowd of people?"
"Why am I so god damn self-conscious about every fucking thing I do?"
"Why can't I just be happy?"
"There's so many people out there going through worse than me, what's happening to me doesn't matter, no one would even care if I told them."