final round - lrh

six.

Sitting outside by the fire made by Ashton and Declan, I keep a blanket tightly wrapped around me and listen to the laughter of the two. Mostly because it's comforting and makes it feel as if none of this is real. It makes me feel like everything's okay and that tomorrow isn't going to be the beginning of the end. 

Neither of them seem to have a worry on their mind as they look to be completely distracted and happy regardless of what they think they're getting themselves into. Clearly, they are not worried at all about what tomorrow brings. As far as they know, they're both headed to training tomorrow to begin the torture only seen in movies.

Yet, here they are, capable of laughing and having a good time.

I can only imagine they're just pretending everything's okay for the time being so they don't have to remind themselves they're leaving this place once again tomorrow. After all, who wants to think about that? Who wants to dwell on entering war and leaving their family behind? I know I sure as hell don't but unfortunately, I have no choice but to.

"You warm enough Lila?" I hear Ashton's Australian accent ring through my ears as I look up.

He looks at me with raised eyebrows and must notice how tightly the blanket is wrapped around me. I hadn't even realized I had been keeping it wrapped around me so tight but I keep it so tight out of instinct. Mostly as if this blanket will protect me from the terror of what tomorrow brings. The terror of leaving my family, lying to my family, hurting Declan in an unspeakable way, and taking on a challenge I would've never dreamt of.

"Yeah I'm good," I say barely above a whisper. "Just a little... chilly."

"Here take this," Ashton says, immediately getting up and stripping off his leather jacket. "I don't need it."

I almost feel guilty considering he clearly thinks I'm cold when that's far from the case. It definitely is cold out, but I don't need a jacket. I need his arms to hold me and comfort me and tell me that everything's going to be okay. I need him to tell me that I'm going to be okay out there and that it's not going to be as disastrous as I'm making it out to be.

I take the jacket regardless to avoid being questioned as I slip the large jacket on my shoulders. I can't help but find comfort in it as I'm able to feel some form of Ashton wrapped around me. It smells just like him and I can't help but cuddle it closer to me. I didn't realize this is exactly what I need right now.

"Better?" Ashton asks me with a hopeful glint in his eyes.

"Much," I say with a small smile.

I can't help but force the smile a little, regardless of the comfort the jacket brings I still feel sick to my stomach thinking of tomorrow. I know I need to stop thinking about it and enjoy my time with Declan, but I can't.

How am I supposed to just go on and pretend as if everything's okay? I know how badly I'm going to be hurting both of them and I hate the thought more than anything in the world. Obviously, I'd never want to intentionally hurt either of them but in this case, I have no choice but to. 

"Remember the first time we tried to start a fire," Declan says while nudging Ashton. I cringe at the memory as Ashton just laughs softly and shakes his head.

"I choose to forget."

"Yeah me too," I joke loudly making them both laugh.

They had first tried to start a fire for all of us when Declan was about 13, making Ashton 15. The memory is still vivid to me, and somehow I've gotten to the point where I can laugh at it.

My parents were out for the night and we had the place to ourselves. It wasn't at the point where we were sneaking around drinking yet, instead just the boys finding whatever trouble they could get into and me just going along with it.