disposition. | jack gilinsky

| Chapter 22 |

"Please say something," Jack said, squeezing my hands tighter.

I felt my blood pulsing as if its pressure was rising rapidly. I couldn't move and I barely remembered how to speak. For some reason, the bare corner of his room was the only place my eyes wanted to look. I slipped my hands out of his and placed them over my ears.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...

I took a deep breath and uncovered my ears, finally looking at him. His bottom lip quivered as he awaited my response. To my own surprise, after reflecting on my entire history with guys in a matter of seconds, I never dealt with one that had a child. So I wasn't quite sure what to do in this situation. I leaned forward and kissed him, stopping his trembling lip. His hands graced the sides of my neck as he kissed me back.

"I don't love you any less," I told him inches away from his face. "It won't be easy, but we'll just have to roll with the punches."

"I fucking love you, Imogen," he spoke. "You don't even know."

"I know," I grinned. "I love you too."

We both sighed and laid back down together. I was willing to do this for him, I truly was. But there was that numbness in the back of my ribcage that knew I wasn't ready for this. Besides family, I wouldn't be the only woman in his life.

_________

The next day, I decided to take a walk to a nearby park so I could get some sketching done. I had all of this freetime before school started back up again. I would have to put in double work so that I could graduate in time. The college application deadlines all passed anyway. Look at me...giving a damn about school.

"Hey," I heard a familiar voice call out to me. I had zoned out, staring at the sidewalk as I went. I turned to my right and saw I was right in front of Sammy's house.

"Oh," I smiled. "Hey stranger.

He jogged up to me and hugged me.

"I, uh...I heard what happened. I'm sorry," he told me.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. It's okay. I mean I never dealt with guys who had kids before but I'm sure it's no different than a guy that's married to his career or wh-"

"Wait, what? Kids?" He looked confused. "I'm talking about your suicidal stunt. Who's having a kid? Jack?"

I scrunched my face up. "You didn't hear that from me. But yeah, the...pills...yeah, I'm better now."

We had sat down in his parked car in his driveway, listening to music. Sammy had lit up a joint. I wasn't going to smoke but I shrugged my shoulders and had a couple hits anyway. Weed was never a problem. He gave me a full update of his life since I last saw him at my party. He's closer with his mother and she stopped working at the hospital to become a personal physical therapist. He and Jack have been taking things slow when it comes to mending their friendship but they're well on their way.

"Sometimes I miss dealing." He sucked in a big hit. "I miss the money. My mom says I'm lucky she didn't call the DEA on my ass." He stared down at the gear shaft and chuckled to himself. I sensed the pain behind his laugh. "But I'll be okay. Enough about me, though. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing really, just gonna enjoy the winter, I suppose."

"With Jack and his pregnant ex-girlfriend?"

I gave him a death stare. "Don't make it sound that way, asshole."

He chuckled and smoked the last of what he could without burning his lips, putting the burnt-out roach in an empty Altoids can.