THROUGH THE NIGHT (MEWGULF)

20: Figure it out

MEW'S POV

Off invited me to the mall again but this time Gun came along. I feel like I'm third-wheeling right now but they insisted I went with them. We were sitting at a new Japanese restaurant, finishing our food. I should bring Gulf here soon, I think he'll like this place. 

He could have joined us but he has to attend an event at the university today until tomorrow. Which reminds me, I also have to give a talk at an event tomorrow. Could it be the same workshop as his? I should surprise him and take him out afterwards.

I looked at the couple in front of me and both of them are busy on their phones. "Can I ask why you forced me to come join you guys?", I asked the two of them.

"I like eating lunch together with my boyfriend and my best friend," Off said.

"Since when did the three of us eat lunch together?", I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Since now", he laughed. "Actually, I wanted to get an update on your whole situation".

"What situation?".

"How's your insomnia?" Off asked me in a serious tone.

"Non-existent", I answered proudly with a smile on my face. My current sleeping schedule is like any regular person's. All thanks to Gulf.

"How's Gulfie?" Gun asked me this time.

"He's doing pretty well. I've been tutoring him on his studies and he's improving a lot. His test scores are really impressive. Oh, the other day he was upset with me, though. He was all grumpy and wouldn't talk to me. It's really cute when he's sulking. The way his eyebrows scrunch together and his lips go all pouty is so adorable. He–". I stopped talking when Gun looked at me all weird.

"Dude, you're whipped", he said, like he couldn't believe all the words that came out of my mouth.

Off shook his head, "Suppasit, I warned you".

"What are you guys talking about?". They're acting like I just said something bad.

Off sighed. "Bro, I care about you and so I want to be sure of something. Do you still think of Gulf as someone who reminds you of Type? I told you, Type is Type. Gulf is Gulf. Don't get it twisted".

Here we go again. Do we really have to talk about this right now? "I like Gulf because he's himself. I'm way past the fact that he looks like him. I mean, yeah at first that's what drove me to get to know him but he's so different from Type and I don't mean that in a bad way. I like him for who he is. Does that answer your question?".

"So you have feelings for him?", Gun leaned forward.

"What?"

"You heard me, Mew. Do you have feelings for Gulf?", his eyes grew wide, waiting for me to answer.

"I..I don't know".

"You don't know?", Off asked.

"I don't know, Off".

Gun tapped my hand on the table to get my attention. "But you like being with him, right? You even talk about him a lot and you smile like an idiot when you do. Aren't those signs that you feel something for him already?"

"I don't know".

Off leaned in as well, raising his eyebrow at me. "Let me ask you this then...are you afraid to have feelings for Gulf?"

"I really don't know".

Both of them fell back on their seats. "Mew, come on! Can you stop saying 'I don't know' and try to think of an answer? Why are you afraid to have feelings for Gulf? What's stopping you?".

I thought about it for a while, but I think I knew the answer all along.

" ...because...because I think I'm afraid of losing him too".

We all got quiet. I'm surprised I said that out loud as well. I didn't really want to acknowledge it, but it was the real reason why I'm holding myself back. I know that admitting it will only create issues. I don't want to cause more problems for Gulf or for myself.

"I shouldn't do anything, Off. He needs someone by his side, that I know, but I'm not sure if it's necessary that we should grow into something else. I can't get too attached than I already am. It's like what Gulf said before, I'm only setting myself up for disappointment".

Gun cleared his throat. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom, you guys continue".

Off sighed. "Mew, I get it. You're too traumatized by the past. But you'll never know what will happen in the future. You said it yourself. Gulf is different from Type. So what makes you think he's going to leave you too?"

That's the thing, I'm scared of all the uncertainties. "I like how we are right now. Can't we just stay like this? As really good friends?"

"Really good friends, my ass. You think you're just friends with Gulf? Then what am I?", he scoffed. "What if Gulf doesn't want to be friends with you anymore? I know you too well, Mew. You're too likable. Anyone in Gulf's shoes would have fallen for you in an instant. What if he suddenly tells you he wants more, huh? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know! Off, why are you asking all these questions right now?".

He stared at me. "Because you need a reality check, Mew. Your insomnia's gone, right? You're all better? Then there's no reason why you and Gulf should still sleep together".

"What?".

He sighed again. "You already got what you wanted in the first place. If you don't want things to go further, you should stop now. Tonight, let him sleep in his own room. Let him get used to living his life without you being too much a part of it. Keep your distance. Give him space; just like what normal friends do. Can you do that?".

"But...why do things have to change between us if nothing's wrong right now?".

"Because you're going to lead him on!", Off scratched his head. "Mew, for someone who says they don't want to get too attached, you sound like you can't live without him".

"Let's just drop this, okay? I'll figure it out soon", I said in defeat.