THROUGH THE NIGHT (MEWGULF)

11: He's fine

MEW'S POV

"Basically, Bright cheated on Gulf", Saint explained.

"They're probably arguing but it's like that Bright dude's talking to a wall", Off commented while eating his fries like he's watching a movie unfold.

"I know what you mean. Look at Gulf's face. He's so calm. How does he do that?", Gun added. I also noticed that too. Gulf looks so composed. He's just staring at his ex like it's nothing.

"Why is he the one angry if he's the one who cheated?", I wondered out loud.

I saw the guy push Gulf and I was afraid they'd start throwing punches at each other so I quickly went outside. I was about to break the argument but I heard Gulf talking and he sounded so indifferent. He doesn't even sound mad at all.

"After your 20th birthday, I know everything changed for you and I completely understand that. It's not your fault..."

Bright looks hurt. What's he talking about?

"You can't always say you're fine, Gulf... I hope you realize the more you bottle up your feelings, the bigger you'll explode".

The guy and his new boyfriend walked away. Gulf stood there for a while. 

"Gulf", I walked towards him and put my hand on his shoulder. He turned around and looked at me. His face was expressionless.

"Oh, there you are. Let's go inside, I haven't finished my food". He walked past me and entered the cafe like normal.

Gulf, I don't know what's up with you but your ex-boyfriend is right. You can't hide your feelings forever.

––––––––

We went back home and he's been silent the whole time. He's been in his room and hasn't come out yet.

I approached Saint reading a book on the couch, "Hey, Is Gulf really okay?".

He closed the book and sighed, "What do you think, Mew? He got cheated on by his long-time boyfriend. Would you be okay if you were in Gulf's shoes?"

No, I wouldn't. "Then why is he so quiet?"

"That's just the way he is, Mew. He keeps his composure and no one can get him to talk about shit. Believe me, I've tried countless times but he just won't budge".

He won't even open up to his best friend?

"By the way, I heard his ex mention something about his 20th birthday. What happened back then?", I asked.

Saint's eyes grew wide like he didn't know what to say. "Uh...it's not a story for me to tell, but Gulf will probably never tell you anyway so I guess I can give you at least a summary of it. Gulf's parents died on his 20th birthday".

"Really? Shit. Is that why he's like this?". I guess it's true that death never chooses when to hit you.

"Yeah but, don't mention that to him. Ever. He's going to shut himself more if you ask him about it", Saint warned.

"How?"

"Well...when Gun found out, he was really concerned. You know Gun, he likes to take care of his friends, so he tried asking Gulf what happened and I swear the guy instantly turned pale white. Gulf walked out. He texted Bright that he was going to visit his Aunt for a while but he didn't return to their apartment for a week".

"Wow. It must be really hard for him". I didn't expect for Gulf to have such a big trauma.

"Yeah. Gulf doesn't know how to talk about his feelings. He can't stay this way forever, though. The boy will eventually reach his limit", Saint said and continued to read his book.

I tried knocking on his door but he didn't answer. I opened it a little just to see what he was doing and he's just sitting at the edge of his bed, staring at nothing.

"Hey, Gulf". He shot up and stared at me. "You okay?"

"I'm fine". Really, Gulf? Are you?

"Gulf, if you need someone to talk to––"

"Mew. I'm okay"

"Sure?"

"Yes". He keeps lying.

"Gulf, it's okay. You can tell me anything".

"Mew, I'm fine". There it is again.

I sat beside him on the bed and put an arm around his shoulder. This boy needs someone to talk to. "Gulf, you can cry if you want to. There's nothing wrong with–"

"I just said I was fine. See?" Gulf smiled. He's forcing himself to. "I'm sorry but, can you leave?" I know he's annoyed yet he sounds so indifferent about it.

"Okay".

Saint was right. Gulf is impossible to break. I looked down at his right hand and his thumb was inside his fist again and he was gripping it hard; his hand was shaking. His knuckles were already turning white. Gulf, you're not okay.

I had no other option. I pulled him and wrapped my arms around him tight.

"Mew! What are you doing? Let go!". I hugged him tighter.

"I know you think I'm crazy and we barely know each other but I'm here for you, Gulf!".

"Mew, stop it!" Gulf still kept trying to break free. I tossed him down so I could wrap my legs around his waist. "Let me go!"

"Are you aware of your habit?", I asked.

"My what?" He was still struggling.

"Your right hand. It's in a fist right now, isn't it? You're holding your thumb inside it" He started relaxing in my arms but he didn't say a word. "You say you're fine but your hand says otherwise. You're trying to hide how you really feel. That's your defense mechanism. Now that I figured it out, will you talk to me?".

"So what if I have a defense mechanism? Everyone has one" Gulf murmured to himself.

I let him go and we both sat up. He looked away, avoiding my eyes.

I understand how Gulf must be feeling. I know it's not easy to move on from the pain, but he has to work his way through it rather than avoid it like what he's been doing.

I took his fist and pried it open. I interlocked our fingers, holding his hand up to show him.

"Gulf, instead of holding your own hand, why don't you try to hold mine?".

––––

I came back to my room. I can't force him to talk but at least he knows I'm willing to listen. My heart feels heavy. It also must have been a rough couple of years for him. Now I understand why Gulf's so firm. I feel sorry for pestering him for the past few weeks. Had I known he has his own big issues to deal with himself, I wouldn't have asked him in the first place.

I heard my door open and turned around to see him peeking his head. He saw me and went inside. He has a pillow in his arm.

"What are you doing here?".

"You said you wanted me to sleep with you". He approached the bed and laid down beside me.

"What? No. You don't have to do this".

"I'm already here". He pulled the covers to his chin like he's trying to get comfortable.

"Gulf, I don't want you to feel uneasy anymore".

"Mew?". He stared into my eyes seriously.

"Huh? What?".

"I'll sleep with you tonight...but is it okay if you hold my hand again?".

Author's note:
Long chapter again, sorry!