lemonade | ethan

fifty two

2 months later

"you should tell him, devon." maya says, putting on her earrings. "you're so lucky he hasn't brought it up yet."

i blankly stare at my ceiling, lost in thought while faintly listening to maya and melanie lecture me on how i have to tell ethan about how i'm going away for college.

"yeah. imagine how hurt he'll feel knowing you hid it from him for so long. he'd feel... betrayed." melanie dramatically sighs, shaking her head. maya and i had told her were were going to the u of m. so besides our families, she was the only one who also knew.

oh, and raymond who i accidentally spilled the news to while rambling. but to my surprise, had promised to keep it a secret. and like the girls, urged me to not drag on the secret for too long so i don't hurt anyone. especially ethan.

"i'm just scared." i tell them, honestly. "because what if he does feel betrayed? like i had just ruined our trust." i groaned.

maya shrugged. "a secret kept this long about something so important is bound to leave some scars. but there's no problem the ethan and devon can't solve. you guys are the power couple!" she says. "no offense, melanie." all mel does is raise an eyebrow.

"i hope you're right, maya." i sighed. "then i've decided. i'm gonna tell him tonight." i say confidently, standing up from my bed.

"good. the sooner the better. it'd be extremely messy if ethan were to find out from someone else." melanie explained.

LEMONADE

"it feels weird going to a high school party knowing we're no longer in high school." melanie whines, crossing her arms.

"chillax, dude. this isn't a high school party. it's a high school graduate party." maya reassures her. "everyone here is the same age as us."

i widen my eyes. "since when was our graduating class so... big?" i wondered. it seemed like a lot more than just our graduating class was here at this north side house.

"does it matter? just wait until the college parties, dev." maya laughs before going into the house. melanie and i sigh, following her closely.

upon entering, it seemed like all parties were the same thing. one thing was different though. there were both north and south siders. which i have seen before but it will honestly take a while to get used to the sight.

maya finds the boys and she excitedly rushes over to them to greet them. mel and i follow, greeting them as well. ethan's smile grows as he watches as i approach him.

"woah, where have you been?" he rhetorically asks, pecking my lips quickly as he smiled into the kiss. something i noticed is very common when it comes to him.

"guys, i heard they're smoking a bong in the garage." ray shouts. "please someone come with me. i don't wanna go alone." he begs. he looks at each of us with puppy dog eyes.

maya grabs his arm, pulling him. "what're we waiting for! let's go!" she says excitedly, ushering him to go.

a couple hours later followed by a few drinks, i find myself alone again. somehow i always found myself alone at parties. especially after being a bit tipsy.

i think i might've walked past raymond passed out on the couch but i'm not too sure. things are a bit blurry to be honest. i swear i was ethan just a little bit ago though.

"there you are!" i hear ethan's voice. i turn around to see him holding a water bottle. "i take my eyes off you for one second." he chuckles, handing me the water.

i laugh, taking it and twisting it open. "thanks."

"it's getting pretty late. do you want me to take you home?" he asks me. "i'm sure melanie can handle maya on her own."

i nod. "sure." i simply say. talking about maya and melanie for some reason reminded me of my college secret that i promised myself i'd tell to ethan tonight. maybe i'll tell him once we get outside, since it was pretty loud in here.

he takes me hand, intertwining our fingers as i trail behind him out the door. the noise quiets down after the front door shuts behind me. being outside made me feel like i could finally breathe.

we walk down the long driveway, still hand in hand before i stop abruptly. "hey, ethan?" i say. he looks at me, a confused expression written on his face.

"what's up?" he asked, noticing the look on my face. i didn't know how he'd react so of course i was nervous.

"can we talk?" i asked.

he furrowed his eyebrows, concerned. "is something wrong?"

i shake my head, no. "it's just about... college."

"oh." was all he said. he lets go of my hand, standing in front of me, waiting for me to continue.

"we only have a month until school." i say. "i should've told you earlier but i didn't know how to. but... i'm not gonna be... in brooklyn bay. i'm going to minnesota. with maya. for college."

he slowly nods, an unreadable look on his face. "oh... okay."

"okay?" i raise an eyebrow. "that's it?"

he shrugged, furrowing his eyebrows. "do you want me to react differently?"

i shake my head. "i just thought you'd be a little upset with how much you don't like long distance and everything."

he sighs, breaking his eye contact and looking down at the ground. "i am kinda upset, yeah. but it's whatever." he shrugged once more.

"so now it's whatever?" i say, furrowing my eyebrows. is this the alcohol talking right now, devon? if so, shut up. now.

ethan scoffs. "what do you want from me?" he asks. "do you want me to force you to stay like some shitty person?"

"of course not! i–"

"cause i can do that. i can guilt trip you and manipulate you into staying in brooklyn bay with me but i'm obviously not gonna do that." he rambles.

"why, huh?" i argue back. maybe i was so desperate for him to fight for me but he was just letting me go. i know it shouldn't but... because he didn't fight, it kind of stung.

"oh my god, devon." he mumbles. "you're drunk, let's go home." he says, attempting to grab my arm.

"no!" i shout, pulling my arm back. "why don't you want me to stay?!"

he sighs. "fine." he says, finally giving in. "what about us, dev? what about me? what am i supposed to do without you?" he asks, clearly frustrated.

now that he actually fought, i didn't know what to say.  i stood there completely out of words. i wanted him to fight, but i wasn't even willing to listen. because no matter what he said, i'd be going to minnesota anyways.

"well..." i muster. "i'm not gonna stay in this boring town and not follow my dreams for some boy." i spill without even realizing what's coming from my mouth.

his angry look suddenly softened, a look of stun and evident hurt written on his face. "some boy?"

i didn't reply. not quite grasping the importance of the situation for the alcohol in my body was toying and taking control over me.

because of my choice to remain silent, ethan took that as my lack of care. and because i seemed as if i didn't care if i had just hurt him, he turned around and left me standing in that long driveway all alone.

END OF CHAPTER FIFTY TWO

devon i know you're drunk, but why'd you have to hurt ethan like that :'( don't make me cry.