CHAPTER 39: HEART OF A TITAN
He called it the impostor effect; a phenomenon where people believe they are living out a lie.
Yet - for Uzner - it was less of an effect and more of a primer for his waning mental health. After Arkeus's passing, the male spiraled into unrest, trying to figure out the best way to carry on his father's legacy. The blacksmith shop seemed like the obvious answer, but as Katolis's military expanded and orders of armor and weapons pooled in, your brother clutched onto his last fiber of vitality.
He didn't want to forge for violence.
He wanted to forge for mobility.
He wanted to grant people freedom with wheels and vessels. He wanted limbless children, elders with polio, or anyone with bodily differences to have the privilege of seeing the world without limits the way he did. But the lad realized that, to pursue his passion, he'd have to dismiss the very trade that marked his family's identity. Besides that, Smiths took pride in being distinct from the wood-carving, skinny-armed Wheelwrights. Uzner didn't see it that way. To him, all crafts were unique and crucial to the progress of the world.
Still, it was inevitable.
If the lad decided to create transportation, he'd have to question whether he was worthy of bearing his surname thereafter. That being said, if he decided to stick with his father's business, he felt his heart would call him a sham with every beat. So, regardless of what route his confidence was in, Uzner felt like he would always be stranded in the odd limbo between seething guilt and ravaging disinterest. At the end of the day, no matter what he did, he felt like a fraud for pretending to be his father's son.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing Uzner believed he was dishonest about. He also felt like he was wearing deceptive grins and false content every waking minute of the day. All that uncertainty came from people's expectations about the mourning process. They make it sound like it's supposed to be succinct and un-messy - the same way a sentence should shorten a complex thought into a few words. Your brother knew that was not how mourning worked, especially when it came to loved ones. But he couldn't help himself. He needed to act happy for those around him. Otherwise, he'd be the eye of their scrutiny - for being over dramatic or over emotional. But pretending felt both taxing and dull.
Impostor effect - that was what it was.
When Uzner mentioned the term, you better understood the origins of his thoughts about self-harm. But, even after hearing about it over and over again in conversation, you found it difficult to accept it as a real concept. That is until it became a reality for you too.
See, as being the Ivory Paladin - an archaic, powerful, transcendent entity - you were trusted to be a god when it came to magic and, therefore, the solution to every human problem that existed. But you knew that was far from the truth. And people were starting to recognize your incompetence - both as a consultant to the High Council and as a mage. Because in both cases, you needed to be well versed in magic. And after nearly two years of apprenticing in the art form, the most exciting spell you mastered was to permanently enchant your hands to produce light. So indeed, it took you awhile, but you eventually realized your mentor wasn't the problem. Living in the castle didn't help your issue either. In fact, every time you saw a courtier, you were reminded of your ineptitude. Sarai, Viren, and your childhood companions tried their best to console you, but no one truly reeled you out of your head.
Fortunately, after countless months of dread, an opportunity arose.
Of course, the opportunity came at the cost of others' lives, but it was a scope for redemption nevertheless.
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Wayfinding | Aaravos x Reader |
Fanfiction"Forged by the stars, but heir to the night." ____ Black or white. Humans or elves. Good or evil. They see life as if it were something dichotomous. You are expected to live as one thing or the other. Yet, more often than not, you seem to find your...
