What's Real..?

Chapter 16: Little Big Brother

Mia's POV:

After Natalie and Mariana had to leave I was left alone for a few days. They had to keep me on suicide watch, and ya know I didn't care. Natalie and Mariana had made it very clear that I would be double-dead if I tried anything so brash again, but I didn't plan on it. I wasn't going to do anything that stupid again. I wasn't going to let anyone have that kind of power over me again. I was just going to live my life to the best of my abilities and try my damnedest to be happy. I would be happy with Natalie and I wouldn't give a damn if anyone had a problem with it.

This is my life.

My mom finally came on February first. I was in the hospital for three days, before she came to see me. It was really awkward at first, but then she just broke down and started crying. She told me that she was sorry and that she was bad mother. I had done enough crying for the both of us a few days before, so I just hugged her and told her everything was going to be just fine. We were going to be just fine.

After that I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. Truth be told I hate doctors, everything about them. I've always felt as if doctors are the reason people die, even when they claim to try and help people. Look at Michael Jackson for instance. Plenty of people die at the hands of those who are trying to help them, or maybe that was just my sadistic outlook on life.

Then, February second came, and Josh Martin, my polar bear, came to see me.

"Hey Mia Boo," he greeted me. He was the only person who could get away with calling me that. His country accent just made it too funny to be mad about. "What have you don' and got yourself into now?"

"Me?" I tried to play stupid. "Oh, nothing.." I couldn't look at him, because I really wasn't in the mood for another "stern talking-to." It'd gotten pretty old.

"Oh c'mere!" he laughed and gave me a big bear hug. "Don't ya go, tryin' nothin' stupid like that agin, kid."

I was being smother by his chest but I managed to laugh. "Kid? Aren't you the one who's turning eighteen just today?"

I could feel his laugh through his chest and I felt safe there. Josh was one of the few guys who I let hug me, let alone wrap me up in a big tight ass bear hug. He was like my little big brother. Little because he was younger than me, but big because, come on now, my redneck was huge.

"I'm glad ya remembered, after all ya been through, Mia."

I pulled away then, appalled that he thought that I'd forget. "Why wouldn't I remember? You're family!"

He smiled and let me go. He face got serious for a moment and I knew that the inevitable was coming. He was going to yell at me too.

"Mia.."

"Yes Josh?"

"What's this I hear about you likin' other girls?"

Oh. That's not what I expected.

"Oh, you've heard about that?" I thought for a moment, before I continued, and established what I wanted to say. "Well, it's true. I like Natalie Navarrez--the new girl to our school. I guess we're kind of a thing now."

"Has anybody given you any trouble at school?" He looked protective and ready to lash out.

"Well, no. I haven't been back yet in order to find out."

"You lemme know if anybody does" he said with a huff, then hugged me again. "I'm proud of you Mia Boo.You took a chance. Everything's a chance, and chances are meant to be taken."

"Thanks Josh."

He left not too long after that, but when I told him that I was being released a little later on, he pleaded with me to come to his soccer game that night. He wanted me to be there for their toughest game againt our school's rival. They'd scored on him last time, and he didn't plan on letting them this go-round.

After I promised to attend, I was left alone, waiting for my mom to come and retrieve me. I couldn't stop thinking about the what if's of going back to school, and intergrating back in with society all over again.

What if people at school hate me too?

What if my dad wants to kick me out?

What if my mom was lying to me?

What if Natalie's mom doesn't want us hanging out anymore?

The list just seemed never ending. Luckily, I knew I had a team, a family of friends behind me til the very end. Natalie, Mariana, and Josh. They were all I needed.

~*~

My mom came around 3 o'clock, I'd just left my last therapy session with Dr. E, the ladt who had to make sure I wasn't going to try to kill myself again, and I felt a lot better. My mom didn't look too happy, but I just figured she needed time to get used to me all over again. It really didn't make any sense though, how could she not be used to me? I was still the same fucking person!

Chill Mia... I needed to calm down. I didn't need to get angry all over again.

We'd just pulled into our when my phone vibrated. My mother had been kind enough to let me have it back after I'd left the hospital.

Josh: Still coming?

I smiled.

Me: Of course, KID!

Josh: C ya @ 6

I got out of the car and mechanically went upstairs to my room. For some reason, my house was the very last place that I wanted to be. I didn't feel safe here, this wasn't a place where I could get rid of those old habits of doing whatever the hell anyone wanted me to do. Well, in actuality, doing whatever the hell I thought anyone wanted me to do.

Like fucking try to kill myself.

I refused to look at myself in the mirror. I didn't even want to think about what I might see there. Instead I went straight to my computer and booted it up. I hadn't written in days, sure I knew by now that writing didn't actually solve any of my problems, it still helped to get everything out there. To have it all out.

Feb 2, 2015

Josh came to see me today, he must've stayed home today 'cause it's his birthday. I really needed him there with me, it felt great to have him hug me. It wasn't as good as when I was with Natalie, but it was like Mariana's hug; familiar and safe. I wish I could say the same for my mom, for anyone in my family. Everything's so distant. Sure, my mom and I don't have the worst relationship--well we didn't use to--but I feel like everything's gotten worse. There's nothing that I can do now to make her see me the way she once did. All of the little things that she says now...It's just too much. I wish I could runaway and never come back... Ha, doesn't that sound familiar? I don't give a damn if they, whoever they is, needs me here. I don't need to be here, here as in this house, this place. I want to live, just not a life that's a lie. I'm going to go to the game with Natalie and Mariana tonight and have good time, I'm gonna forget about the last couple days, and just try to be who I've been hiding all along. I'm gonna be ME.

- Mia Clarke

I got up and went over to my blinds to pull the curtains back. I wanted to see if Natalie was around. Her blinds were opened, but only a little. I couldn't really see if she was there or not. I dug my phone out of my pocket and dialed her number.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hey, it's me. I'm home."

"That's great!" she squealed. "Should I come over?"

"Nah, just get dressed. We're going to lunch, then a soccer game."

She groaned.

"What?" I laughed. "I just know how much you love soccer."

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This chapter is dedicated to Josh Walters.

- A. Kvng