The Name is Tozier

The Noose Around My Neck [Pt. 3]

Richie ends the call with Eddie before going through the box that was placed in front of him. He found his old pair of glasses, the big fucking framed ones. A few tokens that he never used at the arcade. Comics of course, usually the ones he wouldn't leave at the clubhouse. A couple of action figures especially Thundercats which definitely bring up a few old conversations he had with Stan or Bill about his crush on the main dude Lion-O. He put the things he took out back in the box but found a black journal at the bottom of it.

"Shit. What did teen—-wait" Richie stops his out loud thought reading the time stamps where the journal entry started the day he left Derry.

So, Mom said this would make me feel better about my friends leaving. Here we go. Um. Watching my friends leave one by one is kinda really hard to handle. I won't say I was the last to go since Mike is going to state school. Fucking. He's got some balls to stay in this hell hole. But besides the point. I got into a really good school in LA and maybe I'll become what I want to be. But if shit happens. Shit happens. Stan wants to do some shit with birds so he's going to somewhere in Georgia. Like I said. If Mike wants to end up in Florida. Georgia is very close, Stan is gonna hang with Mike and all the old people until they become said old people. On the other hand Bill said he'll also be in California but damn I didn't pay attention when he told me what college. For sure know it's not where I'm at cuz everyone be going somewhere different. Ben is ending up in Massachusetts my dude. A nerd for building is going to MIT? MIT mit mit. Weird sounding. But it's a good school. No shit Richie. You're going to community in fucking LA when you could've gotten to go to anywhere but NO! Too anxious to go to a what? Ivy League? Whatever. Beverly is a fashion nerd. Nerd. Hm. Yeah so she's heading to New York but plans to switch somewhere else. The girl is going to do great things my guy. Then there's Eddie....man. So I wrote this in the order my losers left, and uh yeah. It was hard saying goodbye to Eddie when all I wanted to do was tell him how I felt. You can't tell Eddie this journal. AND MOM IF YOU FIND THIS AND READ THIS BECAUSE ILL DEF LEAVE THIS ONE TIME FROM VISITING. Or mail it because I wouldn't need it anymore. Anyway...Yeah this is the first entry. I love my Losers and...they made me a better Trashmouth. But damn. When will I see them again? I don't know. My funeral? I am going to Los Angeles. Lots of drugs float around.

Richie laughs at himself flipping through the pages and finding another one that brought a very unsettling feeling.

Yo. Just turned 27 and I got a gig to say my comedy skit and y'all! I'm so happy! Yeah I'm in Chicago and I had a really bad start but that's okay! If the comedy game don't go right? I'll become one of those late night radio DJs. Playing Toto and Queen on loop. Man. Someone in my past hated my obsession with Queen but who doesn't love Queen! Shit...who was it? I remember Uh Love of My Life triggered me a bit because it made me think of this dude. But I can't yknow. Put the song to the face and the face to the name. The thing I'm trying to remember. ANYWAY!

And that's how it ended. Richie frowns thinking about that song and instantly connecting a dot with the other.

"Fuck...fuck that arcade man..." Richie frowns closing the journal setting it down for a moment. "Fucking Bowers...and...FUCK KASPBRAK"

"Fuck Kaspbrak?"

Richie flinches looking up to his old man Wentworth still enjoying the suspender look. He walks over to his son grabbing the journal after resting his cane against the table.

"Dad-"

"Shut up. Your mom and I read this all the time"

"The fuck?!"

"Watch it" Went snaps with his fingers before flipping through and finding the lyrics to the queen song written for an entry. "Hm. Always thought this was toward a girl. Is this toward Kaspbrak? The Eddie boy?"

"Eddie, dad."

"Oh shut up" Wentworth sat down across his son as Richie moved the box to the floor to see his dad's expression when reading through. "Do you remember when you first told us you moved to Chicago?"

"Yeah. Vaguely. But yeah"

"You told us about this guy you met in California, and that he was the only reason you didn't want to leave. But it was for the sake of "expanding your horizons""

"Uhhh yeah okay. What are you getting at?"

"You may not be a writer buddy but you described your friend Denbrough here" Went showed him the entry he's referring to. Richie read through it realizing he was.

Richie has a few entries where he described the people he saw and or met. He states not fully meeting Bill but it was the nice gesture of "you'll make it big" that came form his mouth before moving out of LA for the time being.

The guy in the coffee shop was too nice to let me sit with him at the table he claimed. Just wanted to like take the chair but he said it was okay for me to sit there. He heard me complain about my line up when don't get me wrong, I think some of my work is shit. But he laughed! He liked some of it! Said I should tone down the straight jokes. Yeah there was one too many. Anyway, he said that I'll make it big. And I think about that often. Thanks coffee shop guy! I liked the short story you let me read. The ending sucked though.

"Damn. How can I be so blind?"

"I mean. You want the physical explanation?"

"Really old man?"

"Hey you're the old man boy"

"Mhm. Mhm. Sure"

"At least I have more hair on my head, sport" Wentworth laughs as Richie was about to toss the book at his dad's head but that was funny. "But damn. You had a lot of experiences that you wrote down in that. Then when you turned...30 you mailed it to us. So we read it. We worried but didn't want to be too concerned or you'd live with us"

"Wow dad. Think I'd hit rock bottom if I contacted you?"

"Well Richie, your second family was your friends. Hearing that you weren't going to be together after high school. It was a big step. Had to make new friends. Meet new people. Settle down if you wanted to. Who knows. I met your mom in college and I was set for life. But then you came around and that was a bullet not dodged—" Went laughs. "I'm kidding. But yknow. You strayed away from us. So of course I thought you'd come to us if you really need us and if living with us would help. Then okay? But we'd make you pay rent that's for sure"

"Dad I've been here for a month. Were you really considering asking me to pay for rent?"

"No, it's a joke Rich. Goddamn" Wentworth rolls his eyes. "We knew that we'd be your last option if you truly needed us. Reading the entries out of LA were concerning because they were very self deprecating. But you powered through and you're visiting on terms where you needed air from the confusing shit of life. Yeah we moved to Portland, Maine while you were out in the world. But it's a nice spot to look out at the ocean and think. Think hard."

"Were you surprised when I came out to y'all?"

"No"

"Huh?"

"Well you're gay. You're our son. Okay? We are going to love you even if you turned into an werewolf. Now don't tell your mom. I hate the twilight movies she made me watch. Anyway" Went got up for a moment taking his cane and Richie stood up when he did.

Wentworth walked over to his son grabbing his shoulder.

"We've always had the suspicion that you liked the Kaspbrak boy. You just confirmed us when you came to visit and told us when you came out" He smiles before letting go of his shoulder. "I'll say this though bud"

"Yeah?"

"If he got a divorce, found himself, and confessed his love to you...when you loved him all this damn time?"

Richie looked at his father confused for the moment before seeing Went smile.

"Don't let him get away, now come on! Gotta help mom send stuff to good will before you head back to Cali"

All that time. They loved him no matter what. But Richie also knew

Not to lose this shot.