The Other Side Of Marriage

Chapter 20

"Oh come on, Malea is family and you two will have enough time together and have dinner together. I just think......."
"Mom stop!" I interrupted her. "What are you doing? I just lost my baby, my divorce is not yet finalized and you are already playing matchmaker?" I asked. I could feel my tears coming and I try my hardest to hold them back.

"Baby, it's not like that. I just think you have to move on at some point, you know, move past this." mom said.

"And you just thought my ex would be a great way to start mom?" I asked her. The whole room has gone silent now and it's just my mom and I exchanging words.

"I thought it was what was good for you." mom said.

"No mom, it's not. You make it look like you don't trust my judgment in men, so you decided to set me up yourself? Or maybe you do because, look at me, I am going through a divorce at 29 years." I said wiping away my tears and leaving the room. I left the house through the back door and went to the garden. It was a bit chilly but I didn't have time to grab something warm. I sat on the old swing and cried. I don't even know why I was crying, all I knew is that I was letting it out and it felt good.

I started remembering how I used to sit here when something bad happened, especially when my dad gets deployed. My father was in the army for as long as I can remember and the moment he never really used to be home from time to time. I would also sit here to do my homework or just watching my brothers playing baseball. Jack was always a sore loser, so whenever he lost he would push me on the swing so high ignoring all my screams asking him to stop. He would do that until one day I was so scared that I jumped off midair, stupid move by the way because the fall would have been bad if Mark didn't catch me. I was 12 then and Jack was fifteen. Paul was the first to tell mom what happened because he was ever the one in trouble and also wanted mom to ground Jack. I remember feeling bad for Jack because he was grounded for a month.

I felt someone's presence behind me. "I don't want to talk to anyone," I said without turning to look who it was.
"Yes you do." someone said. I turn around the moment I heard the voice because I could never mistake my sister's name. Even if I am half asleep I know my sister's voice anywhere.
"You are here," I said lounging myself into her arms for a big hug. My big sister and only sister were right here in front of me and I couldn't believe it.
"How are you doing little one?" she asked sitting down on the swing with me.

"These days I am failing to find an answer to that question," I told her honestly.

"You know that I came home to surprise you and the whole family just to find the dining room with shocked people or surprised, I am not sure. Mom is crying and your high school boyfriend is sitting in my chair. What happened? " she asked.

"Mom tried to play matchmaking and I didn't handle well either. Now that you said she is crying, I feel worse."I said to me shortly.

"It's okay, I know you are going through a lot right now and mom wasn't right either. Mom always does what she thinks is best for all of us, so you have to give her a pass on this one. You just move on at your own pace, we are all here for you every step of the way." Emma told me.

I wiped my tears and looked ahead, no idea what I was looking at, just looking into the darkness. We sat there for another half an hour, in complete silence, lost in my thoughts. I don't know what happens next but I am just going to embrace whatever the next chapter in my life is all about. At least next week I will be back at the office, but I am sure I will have to deal with a lot of 'I'm sorry about what happened' and hope that only takes one day. I felt my wedding ring on my finger, I didn't even know why I was still wearing it.

"The guests left, you two can come back inside," Paul said. His voice startled me because I didn't hear him approach us. I stood up and went straight to my room. On my way I passed by the kitchen and mom was cleaning up inside. A part of me wanted to go talk to her, but I didn't know what to say even if I went into the kitchen. I went straight into the shower because I had a tear-stained face and it has been a long day.