By your window

33.

Chapter Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gsvda1AP6wo

They hadn't been talking by the window for a long time, approximately since the beginning of their relationship; it had been natural to get away from it, the dorm offering warmth, privacy and a bed to curl up on, while outside the autumnal weather was getting colder and wetter. The night Five decided to try to come looking for her again, however, Marben did not feel like letting him in, and so she had sat on the windowsill gesturing for him to do the same. Five hadn't objected, even if he had been hoping for a reconciliation and a little snog, and the girl had then begun to ask him questions about his siblings and the relationship he shared with them, or how they had learned to manage the Academy's oppressive atmosphere from an early age; Five had opened up, something he had learned to do with her and which was now natural to him, and all the while Marben had been observing him carefully, without missing the slightest detail as he told her what she wanted to know.

"My Father always keeps the competition high between us, to spur everyone to do their best...or so he says. It is evident anyway, how that it's just a matter of convenience to him: if we grew too close and decided to gang up against him, he would have everything to lose" Five bitterly snickered staring down at his feet, old fashioned shoe heels lightly hitting the brick wall. "We're comrades...but more for the sake of team than real sentiment".
"What about Vanya? Why doesn't she come with you on missions?". At that, Five gave Marben a suspicious look.
"Because as far as we know she has no power whatsoever. She's in no position to be of any help to us, hence she would just be a hindrance" he said in no uncertain terms, sounding haughty. "Are you asking on Lear's behalf?".
"No, but I'll tell her anyway" the girl admitted, and the boy sighed, going back at staring at the wall in front of them.
"Seems right".
"I'm afraid Vanya would do anything to be an Umbrella Kid".
"Yeah, sometimes I think it too". When Five discreetly tried to cover his tattoo pulling on his jacket's sleeve, Marben couldn't help to think that Vanya probably hadn't been allowed to get one herself.
"Does she know you kill people during your missions?".
"Yes".
"And she still wants to be like you all?". She had meant to sound incredulous, but in the end it came out rather appalled, and Five looked at her, astonished. Marben thereupon seized the opportunity to voice an atrocious doubt that had been nagging her for a while. "Do you want...or like to kill people, Five?".
"I don't know" the boy confessed in a quiet voice, after some time. "I mean, it's fun to give a bunch of assholes what they deserve, you said it yourself. Inherently I know killing is wrong, but I've been raised to be a killer. How am I supposed to know if I like it or not? All my life I've been trained to smother, stab, crack heads and ribs and snap necks...it's just what I do! And I'm damn good at it! What would I be, outside the Academy?".
"Scum, undoubtedly, if what has been drilled in your head all these past years it's all you manage think of".
The two teens looked at each other with fire in their eyes: Five clearly was distraught by the turn the conversation had taken, and Marben was once again unwilling to offer the comfort he had been expecting. She instead watched him with eyes like glowing embers, and the feeling something kept being completely off intensified substantially.
"Is everything alright, Doll?" he asked, cautious and irked alike. Marben could swear she had heard a strain on the 'Doll' part.
"Sure," she replied with a small shrug, feigning nonchalance, but inside she was cursing herself for agreeing to meet him. Clearly, they both needed more time apart from each other, to reflect on what in their relationship had become spoiled. "Now, sorry if I cut this short, but I need to get some sleep or tomorrow I'll be crushing on my music stand, at rehearsal".
Five irritatedly dismounted from the windowsill; Marben turned her back to him to step into the dorm, and she needn't to see his face to know he was terribly disappointed by the attitude she had been exhibiting lately, as well as by his inability to solve the problem that was causing the tension between them.
'Well, guess what? I'm still disappointed in you too' she thought bitterly.
"Thanks for passing by".
"See you tomorrow?" Five morosely asked, and when Marben nodded - even if somewhat uncertainly - leaned forward to peck her lightly on the lips.
"I love you" he whispered, wishing she would understand all the words that for one reason or another he couldn't say out loud. Words like 'II'm sorry I hinted you could be a brawler', 'I wouldn't have wanted to disappoint you', 'Please, don't leave me', 'I miss you' and 'Why do you have to make everything so difficult?'.
On her part, he blonde girl was fighting with all her force against the need to scream in his face that she hated herself for wanting to keep him at a distance, and that she also hated him for making her so angry that she had came to hate herself; when she finally managed to quell it, she laid the briefest caress on the boy's cheek.
"Love you too". She meant it. Just, she hadn't decided what to do with her feelings yet. However, it seemed to be enough for Five, who nodded and without adding anything else, jumped.

Marben didn't waste any time, and readily slipped on her coat as well as her shoes in the dark, fastening them by memory. She needed to think, to clear her mind, to decide once and for all what she could accept and what instead she could never understand and forgive, even if Five was involved. And so she fled down the fire escape, silent and light as a cat, climbed over the gate at the back of the School's yard and made to take the road to the Park. She was strolling leisurely in the cold and damp air of the night, absorbed in her thoughts, hands in her coat's pockets and nose buried behind the hem of her soft scarf; the road was deserted, and her feet were guiding her expertly through the mist. The quiet was like a balm to her nerves, the only sound perturbing it the one produced by the soles of her uniform's shoes. And with the cadence of that dull sound in her ears, Marben felt her thoughts begin to magically arrange themselves...

"I think you should act as if what you saw meant nothing".
The girl looked up like a startled animal: at the surrounding wall's corner, on the other side of the street, a woman was giving her a benevolent smile.
"Trust me, you don't want to loose the chance to experience everything you can by your love's side. It won't come back. Whatever you say no to, now, will be lost forever".
Marben studied the unknown woman meticulously: conspicuously oxygenated hair, a lot of make-up, a brilliant smile that seemed genuine despite a very altered appearance, hands in pockets and the wide stance of someone who is used to making its own way in life, whatever the cost, because any other way simply wouldn't be fitting. She had probably found herself overhearing the conversation between Marben and Five as she had been passing by, and was now trying to improvise some 'wise' - and definitely not required - advice. Idiosyncratic, intrusive, insincere.
"I don't like you even a bit" the girl told the stranger, whose smile faltered. "And sure as hell I didn't ask for your advice".
Marben could not have found the words to describe how satisfactory it felt to see the woman's face crumble. She basked in it for a moment and then made to resume walking, but right then the woman spoke again.
"Wait, I just...".
"What?". The woman looked at Marben with big, pleading eyes.
"I...please, listen. If you were to leave him now, your boyfriend would be devastated. And one day you might feel remorseful about having hurt him!".
"I know" the girl peevishly stressed. "What is not known, however, is why the hell do you care!".
To this, the woman did not reply. Marben saw her tighten her lips in a hard line, and understood that she would have had something to say, but had chosen not to. For this the girl was grateful, for she had no more time to waste on chatter.
"Whatever. It is none of your business anyway". Waving the stranger off, Marben made to leave.
"Do you still love him? Even if you despise some parts of him?".
"Don't try to follow me. And don't you dare to show up ever again!" the girl spat harshly from over her shoulder, seeing out of the corner of her eye the woman stop mid step.
"At least think of the little time you have at your disposal: what will become of you and him, when you'll have to go back to England?".
At that, Marben froze still on the pavement. But it was just a moment, and then she immediately resumed walking without looking back.

A/N: Hello guys! :) Everything alright?
The last few chapters have been a little bit angsty, but I promise you, there will be some fluff next week! No, there won't be kittens, only bipeds. Sorry.
Thanks for your attention, you're truly phenomenal!