Katsuki felt this strange sensation as he left the classroom. He felt ashamed. Guilt. He clutched his shirt where his heart was. It was beating hard and fast, panicking and pleading him to go back. To take it back. To reverse the curse he had inflicted on his childhood friend.
But it had already been done. There was no going back now, he thought. But his guilt towered over him. Eating at his soul as he walked down the stairs. Pushing him to the run-up. To see the one he has tormented for so long. To see him just more time before he was gone.
"Fuck it"
Katsuki said as he turned around to run to the classroom. Hoping to see Izu's smile. His freckles. His eyes. To see them no longer broken, crooked, and dull. To see him bright and well.
But that wasn't the case. Of course not.
Katsuki didn't see him there at all. Instead, Izu walked past him running up to the roof. Katsuki's eyes flashed towards him. And so did his legs.
He stood behind the doors petrified, hoping to only see Izuku on a bench eating a stupid snack. Not him beyond death. Splattered onto the concrete. His eyes lifeless. His face pale. His smile replaced with a look of terror.
He opened the doors to see his nightmares come true. There he saw the sunset illuminating off the front of Izu's body. He stood there, arms out, tears framing his face.
Katsuki's eyes widened with this consuming fear. His mouth parted but no sound could escape his lips, they could only enter his wretched mind. He felt his heart quiver and break with the feelings he had to intake.
Tears also streamed down his face. All of this torment, all of the pain he has caused, all the agony that surrounded his victim, all the disappointment he put Izuku through, all of the things he had taken away from him. He had been holding them all over his head.
And they were ready to drop.
He no longer stood by the comforting door. He raced over the ledge. With no words escaping his lips, just allowing his legs to run further. To his fallen angel. His victim. His worshiper. His love.
He never really wanted to hurt him.
He just wanted to be in control. He wanted nothing higher than his ego, nothing better than his pride, nothing standing in his way.
But he didn't want to push them out of the way. Unfortunately, that's exactly what he did.
He grabbed Izuku by the waist, bringing his love down with him.
Down to the floor. The floor above the ground where Izuku laid defenseless. All alone. Shuddering and quivering in utter self-hate and anxiety.
But now, on the floor above, they were both on the cold ground. One panting, screaming, in pain, tearing himself apart, even more, pleading to the other to let him die. To let him feel the sweet embrace of death itself.
To let himself fly free for a few seconds, but to only plummet down to his very death. He wanted to fall like the tears he shed. He wanted to fade away like the bruises on his body, he wanted to disappear into thin air. Leaving his tormentor with utter regret. To strip all his pride away, without daring forgiveness.
Katsuki's arms still held tightly around the boy's waist trying to calm him down. Trying to whisper apologies he actually meant in his ears. Trying to reimburse.
But only a certain number of words let Izuku stop squirming to break free from this resentful touch.
"I don't want to hurt you," Katsuki said in a gentle voice.
And Izuku fell limp in the other's arms letting a few stray tears stream down his rosy cheeks.
"'Cause all the nights you slept alone dryin' your eyes"
"And all the nights you thought about takin' your life"
"'Cause if it's love you want again, don't waste your time"
"But if you call me up, I'm fuckin' you on sight"
"I don't wanna hurt you"
